Reno Diaries: Part 4

Tags

family, home, home renovations, humour

November  18- Dear Diary,  Another gloomy weekend, or maybe that was just in the kitchen. When Handyman was installing the tile, which looks so nice, he had to pull the plug out and accidentally pulled off 2 wires. I don’t know when Dad will be able to get here to fix it. So with no light and no plug, it made cooking and baking a dismal task.

Last Friday morning, I made an emergency call to the pastor to see if he could pop over to help install our microwave. Fortunately, he was available only for the 40 minutes it would take, including driving.  The installation went well but the microwave moves every time you push a button. It’s super annoying and more than a little scary!

Since Handy man took some doors home with him, I got some of the trim painting done, but it required some creativity to reach all the nooks and crannies! Handyman has started installing the new built-in cupboards and counter. So excited to see it finally coming together!

November 19 – Dear Diary,  I sent my pa some snaps of the plug and hanging wires, which required standing on angles. I was not built to be in the circus, and yet I share a house with a number of strange characters. Me included.  Daddy you’re my only hope!

On the plus side, the grout is going in. I haven’t been this excited about mud since Mud Hero.  On the downside, it doubled my clean up at the end of the day just so I could cook dinner. Mud in the sink, all over the counters…even the floor.

We had yet another issue with door knobs & handles. Despite our careful consideration and adding up the numbers, more than once I might add, we ended up with 6 knobs too many…and 6 pulls too few. This required another trip to home depot.  I was in too big a hurry to even change out of my yoga pants. I knew right where to go (after the return counter) – aisle 21! But to my dismay, they only had 4 pulls left. I raced to customer service where 2 ladies stood waiting, to wait on some guy, who had gone looking for something. Apparently this guy was “hotter” than me in yoga pants, and I had to wait for 2 of them to finish waiting on 1 of him! They were less than friendly when they did get to me, and they couldn’t help me any way!

So I had to drive to the other Home Depot farther away. I burst through the doors like a woman on a mission, heading straight to aisle 21. But hardware was not in aisle 21. Fortunately I wasn’t far off, and there were oodles. I skipped to the car with my newfound bounty…this time, only an hour and a half of my life gone forever!

November 19 – Dear Diary, Hallelujah! A new day has done and a bright light shines in the darkness. It is the light over my sink. The broken plug is repaired. The microwave is shimmied. The grout is complete. The doors and knobs and pulls are all installed. Handyman is done! I have cupboards to clean and some painting to touch up. Simple. But the hard part now…is finding “homes” for all. this. stuff.

Old vs. New

PLUS… all new breakfast/baking bar!

Happy Weekend!

Reno Diaries: Part 2

Tags

home, home renovations, humour

November 2 – Dear Diary: Hubby and I went shopping to buy a microwave. I thought it would be a simple job: drive to Home Depot, pick one in our price range, and bring it home. How hard could it be?

First, a long discussion ensued whether to choose black or stainless steel. Since nothing else in the kitchen is stainless steel, and expecting it to be less popular and therefore cheaper, we chose black. Every microwave in Home Depot was stainless steel.

A Home Depot employee looked on the website for us, and could order one in black. It was more expensive than stainless, and came with a $69 delivery fee. Ouch! It couldn’t be delivered to the store and picked up…so another discussion ensued, and we decided to buy a stainless steel one. Did you know, dear diary, that the only microwaves in the store are the models? It would take at least a week for it to come in. We didn’t know if Handyman needed it on Monday. We politely declined, much to the annoyance of the employee, and headed to the hardware aisle, where we proceeded to discuss and fondle all the knobs and pulls, from simple to ostentatious. We got ridiculously giddy. The prices, however, were a shock. I cannot justify spending $300 on hardware alone, no matter how ridiculously good-looking they are. So I settled on a simple white ceramic knob to go with the simple white doors.  I purchased one for the whopping price of $1.99.

Julius Rock is proud of me!

We went to Canadian Tire. They only had stainless steel, and none of them were over-the-stove models. BUT while we were there, I took Hubby to look at dishes. Our everyday Corelle set was given to us in 1995. While every mug and saucer is intact, we only have 5 dinner plates. Which means if we everyone is home, we have to do dishes. Which means if we have guests, we have to flip a coin to see who doesn’t get to eat. Unless we eat in shifts.

There was a great assortment of colours and patterns. I was particularly attracted to a pale blue stoneware set. The only ones Hubby liked were white. Just white. Our plate-flipping-coin will have to stay in the kitchen a little longer. Discouraged, we set out for store #3…

I hate shopping at The Brick. As soon as we set foot in the store, a salesperson started stalking us. It was creepy. He stalked us to the microwave department, pointed to a couple of models but didn’t explain anything, then wandered off in search of better prey. We could get him if we needed help.

We wandered around, scrutinizing the varied features of these stainless steel models (no black). The deciding factor (apart from price) was very high-tech: how comfortable the handle feels when we open it. Then we started wandering to see find Mr. Salesperson. Mrs. Salesperson saw us searching and offered to help. She showed us a few models and checked on a sales one that we liked.

We had made our selection when Mr. Salesperson showed up, and started mouthing off to Mrs. Salesperson about “stealing his sale”. It was incredibly uncomfortable. We didn’t know if we should interject or just walk away. Before we decided, she walked away and Mr. Salesperson rang it up. We could pick it up 3 days. I paid. Mr. Salesperson couldn’t get the receipt to print, so he disappeared…for nearly 5 minutes. I was beginning to wonder if he’d split town with my payment and I was to end up with no microwave. Just a gaping hole over the stove. Eventually we left with a receipt, a small migraine, and a parting scowl from Mrs. Salesperson.

November 4 – Handyman said he was coming to apply the second coat of plaster, but he didn’t show up. Guess he forgot and he’s away the rest of the week. I got bored waiting, so went shopping for clothes for Little Guy. He’s now taller than me but I’m still 4 lbs heavier. I’m not sure I could take him in a fight, but I’m going to pretend I didn’t say that!

November 11 – Everyone has been sharing their kitchen renovation horror stories. I was thinking I was getting off pretty easy. Famous. Last. Words….

Reno Diaries: Part One

Tags

home renovations, humour

October 17 – Dear Diary, it’s a beautiful sunny day out, but I have a deadline. Handyman is coming Monday to start the kitchen. I just found out!

I have been planning this change for a long time, mostly because I was too scared to talk to the Handyman. I talked to him in the Spring, after I decided to add cupboard doors and before I quit my job! So far I have successfully removed our belongings from the shelves over the stove and fridge…and washed said belongings because they were oilier than Danny Zuko’s hair. Handyman is shortening these shelves to install a microwave over the stove. I can’t wait for the unsightly, dusty fan to be gone forever. All it does is make noise. Sometimes, when I boil something too long, it starts to drip grease. Yuck!

I recycled most of the aluminum pie and tart shells and recipe clippings. What was I thinking? Just realized we no longer receive the Milk calendar – definitely a blessing since I’m lactose intolerant!

So long 1959 tiles & cupboard doors. So long 1980 butcher block counter top!

October 18  – Dear Diary, I made the trip to Value Village today with over 7 bags of clothing, kitchen items, toys and books. Now I have room to start unpacking our massive teak cupboard. Did you know I have over 100 flavours of tea? I don’t know where I’m going to put it all! Kettle’s boiling…

October 19 – Dear Diary, Hubby and Big Guy moved the teak cupboard into the dining room. We now have a small blue recycle bin by the back door, which I have to empty at least once a day. On the plus side, no more blue bin in the dining room and the teak cupboard covers up the dings in the wall from lobbing cans like they were basketballs…and missing. Guilty!

We pushed the dining table back so there’s more room to walk around, but Hubby keeps hitting his head on the overhead fixture. The fridge is now where the cupboard was and the microwave has moved to the dining room too. Big Guy turned it around so I don’t have to stand on my head to heat a cup of tea. Bless that sweet child of mine!

October 20 – Dear Diary, I cleared the kitchen counter tonight so the Handyman can install the new counter top. He delivered it already and it’s gorgeous! The kettle is plugged in on the dining floor. I wonder how many times I’ll trip over it!

October 21 – Dear Diary, the Handyman arrived before 8:30. I was dressed and moved my car by 8. Phew! I’ve added 2 large bins to the dining room floor – one with the contents of the stove drawer and one with the wet contents of my plastic container cupboard.  Unfortunately, he ran into a snag with the sink plumbing and had to turn off the water. For most of the day. I was out for the morning with a friend, and we stopped by around noon to see how it was going! Unfortunately, my friend used the bathroom (no. 2) before we realized the water was still off. We were all embarrassed!

October 22 – Dear Diary, even though he said I didn’t have to remove all the stuff in the lower cupboards, I wish I had. Everything is covered in sawdust. Today the Handyman cut the shelves, removed the icky tile, and framed the wall that’s going to cover the extra electrical work. I used the tub to fill my kettle. Electrical work delayed while the Electrician vacations in Ireland!

I keep trying to reheat my tea in the breadbox since it’s living where the microwave used to be…

October 30 – Dear Diary, Exciting day! Electrician has arrived with a bin full of tools and my mother. Plenty of hemming and hawing through the evening while mother snoozed on the couch and I played Overwatch with Big Guy.

Tripped over tea kettle.

October 31 – Dear Diary, Noisy day! Drilling interrupted conversations over tea throughout the day. I found at least 9 piles of sawdust in a neat row snaking the length of the basement & laundry room, including bed folks sleep in. Dad accidentally spilled Mom’s water in the bed in a spectacular fashion. I will be sleeping on the couch tonight, but a small sacrifice for proper outlets.

November 1 – Dear Diary, massive wind storm through night, resulting in lots of banging and 7 power outages. I know this because every time it went off and came back on, the Xbox, microwave and stove would beep, and the fridge and printer powered on. Once  the wind died down, snoring from above could be heard. Finally turned on electric fan and slept for 3 hours. Minor miscommunication so one outlet had to move. Once Handyman approved the electrical work, he put up drywall and plaster. Trail of sawdust has migrated throughout the entire house, and I suspect I will be hand picking wood chips from the carpet for weeks! Next steps: choosing cupboard door handles and buying a microwave. Should ask Hubby to weigh in, but not optimistic we’ll find something we agree on. Wish us luck!

November 2 – Dear Diary, I took Hubby shopping. It’s too soon to talk about it…

From Hero to Zero

Tags

home renovations, humour

Sometimes the spirit is more than willing, but the flesh just can’t keep up. It’s amazing to think that only 5 years ago, I ran in Mud Hero. Now I’m hobbling around like a 90 year old wondering if my best years are behind me. All because I wanted to paint my bathroom. And now, like most home projects, what should have taken a few hours or a day or two, will likely stretch into weeks. I can blame some of the delay on holidays, of which I am taking all of next week. Perhaps even from blogging. The best part of a holiday is having very few plans, and I’m planning on just that. No plans, no deadlines, and if at all possible, no cooking. We’ll see. But I digress.

Since when did painting a bathroom become such a big deal! It’s a small room, and half the walls are covered in “vintage” salmon and seafoam green tile? People paint and redecorate whole rooms on TV in an hour. It should be simple.

Day 1

Step 1: Convince family to leave me home alone for a couple of days.

Step 2: Buy a new paint scraper (because it’s buried in the basement that time forgot).

Day 2

Step 3: Hunt everywhere for missing step ladder. (Please don’t ask me how I misplaced a stepladder).

Step 4: Convince oldest son to carry it upstairs.

Step 5: Buy paint. Take a friend to help me decide on which shade of white to buy from a sampler of 50 whites.

Step 6: Wrestle with stepladder for 20 minutes. Take a break to cool off. Literally. It’s nearly 40C outside with humidity so you can imagine what it’s like in the bathroom.

Step 6: Make multiple trips up 2 flights of stairs to bring up things like drop cloths, paint trays, brushes, rollers and sneakers. Rest.

Note to self: Don’t set up the ladder straddling the toilet. It makes straddling a toilet while sitting under a ladder straddling the toilet at 3 a.m. incredibly difficult.

Day 3

Step 7: Arrange and rearrange drop cloths (that will repeatedly slide on porcelain surfaces). Once reached peak frustration level, toss from the bathroom.

Step 8: Remove extra large, extra heavy mirror sheet from wall. Apparently, slide it to the right so you don’t run into the wall and get stuck standing there trying to “convince” the right-hand corners to slip back into the brackets so you can remove said extra large, extra heavy sheet of glass. Apparently, also do not rest edge of said glass on chrome soap dish in order to get a better grip, as said chrome soap dish will snap in half. Shuffle into adjacent bedroom and deposit on bed.

Step 9: Gape with horror at large, horribly repaired hole in wall, hidden by the extra large, extra heavy mirror. The hole was repaired with a sheet of styrofoam, grossly plastered around the edges to make it stay.  Text photo to girlfriend, who immediately replies, “who’s behind it”? Like I’m going to go looking!?!

Step 10: Pick a corner. Wash the wall. (Because wiping with the Swiffer was a waste of precious time).

Step 11: Pour paint in tray. Immediately dribble on the uncovered floor.

Step 12: Pick a corner and start edging with a brush. For hours. While sweating profusely because a) it’s hot; and b) the room is too small to accommodate the paint tray so it has to sit on the floor, thereby causing me to climb up two steps every 15 seconds. Be creative – use my surroundings for balance (e.g., window sill, edge of tub, etc.) Ignore giant hole and increasing ache in back and start rolling a small section of the wall, until I reach the decision that if I don’t quit soon, my family will find me hugging the ladder and sobbing, because my back deserted me and I couldn’t get down.

Step 13: Abandon the ladder. Crawl downstairs and clean as best as  I can. Take a back pill and spend afternoon on couch binge watching Call the Midwife, feeling sorry for myself.

Day 4…

Every time we use the facilities, we stop and stare at the giant hole and wonder what to do about it.

The bathroom is half finished…and it will need a second coat. The ladder and mirror are still in Hubby’s room. The soap dish is still broken. So is my spirit. In a matter of 5 years, I feel like I’ve gone from Hero to Zero. Full stop.

On the positive side, the rest of me is healing. I can put my own sandals on. Which is good, considering I’m going on holiday. Near a beach!

Happy Weekend!

Spackle for Dummies

Tags

home renovations, humour, shopping

I stood there, staring into the dark brown eyes of a 20 year old boy, and my heart was sinking. Those eyes were vacant. I was in trouble.

We were down to one car on Saturday, (Hubby’ car was in the shop all weekend) and I was already running late for an appointment. With Little Guy in tow, I had raced into Home Depot and expertly tracked down the first customer service representative to cross my path.

I was on a mission. I needed spackle, and I just needed someone to tell me where to look for it.

Instead, I found this poor overgrown boy in an orange apron, with a “deer in the headlights” expression in his eyes. He didn’t move. In fact, he looked like he was barely breathing. Clearly I had overwhelmed him with my simple request.

It isn’t the first time I’ve had a strange encounter with a salesperson whose brain hamster was running on a wheel but not generating much electricity.

It turns out that he wasn’t blanking on where to direct me…he just didn’t know what spackle was. I explained that we needed to fill nail holes in a wooden block.

“Oh, you mean plaster?” So close, sweetheart.

Eventually…after multiple descriptions and explanations (with hand gestures)…

…and I made it to aisle 11. But I still couldn’t find what I was looking for, so I nabbed Earl. At first, he insisted they didn’t sell spackle. so once again, I carefully and slowly explained what I was trying to do. What kind of home improvement store doesn’t sell spackle? And then…

Earl directed me to an entire shelf rife with possibilities!

I chose the spackle “for dummies “…the kind that goes on pink and turns white when it’s dry enough to sand (wish they did this with make-up). Somehow, after my experience, that just seemed like the most appropriate kind to buy!

***

This is a 10 minute Monday post (written on Tuesday)…the object is to write for 10 minutes-no editing & no wasting time agonizing over word. Just writing for the fun of writing!

Diabolical Little Screw

Tags

home, home renovations, humour, laugh, photography

I was going to title this post as the Eye of Satan, but that seemed pretty extreme…but at the time, that’s what it felt like.

It was 4:30 p.m. and I was tired. Very tired. I had spent most of the day hauling a chair around and crawling into tight spaces to paint the trim in the kitchen. I was just heading upstairs from the basement when I tripped on the torn, 1970’s grotesque brown “marble print” vinyl floor patch at the top of the stairs. I have tripped on that floor patch 5 million times before…but since it was garbage night…and Hubby was away for the day on a business trip (and wouldn’t be home until 7) – I decided to tear it up. The stained hard wood floor underneath was definitely prettier. How hard could it be? It was already loose so remove the 6 screws on the kick plate and pull.

So I pulled out the big box of screwdrivers, got comfy on the floor and started searching for a screwdriver that would fit these screws…but these screws are not of this world.

My theory is they came through a Star Gate portal. Picture a circle with a line running through it – kind of like an eye! I have a box of 65 screwdrivers and not one of them really worked…I tried Phillips; I tried flat and hex heads and Robertsons. I tried not to grind the screwdrivers into dust. I had to kneel and push down with my full weight just to make a quarter turn. Eventually, my hands and knees aching, my back screaming, I managed to unscrew 5 out of 6 screws (and only shaved 3 knuckles)…but #6 was the “eye of Satan”. It was diabolical. I got it half-way up and it stopped. It wouldn’t budge, up or down, and it was right where we walked so I had to make it move. I called it names and growled at it. I gave it the “skunk eye”.  I frantically tried different screwdrivers, different sitting positions, and different angles. The more I tried to move it, the shinier it became, a gleaming golden eye mocking my futile efforts. Little Guy was sure he could make it move and I figured he might as well try. Who knows? Maybe he’d get lucky. Not!

I was being driven to madness…so I used the next best thing…brute force! Put my Mud Hero training to work! I started to pry that kick plate bar off the floor with a big flathead screwdriver. First I pried in places where I had already removed the screws – the kick plate was glued to the floor there from years of grime…Then I pried directly beside the beast. Sounding like a woman in the throes of labour, I grunted and groaned, baring my teeth and panting with exertion. I broke into a heavy sweat and had to pause to rip off my sweatshirt. I changed positions to let gravity help me in my endeavour. And then, with a final big push, the kick plate and it’s stubborn, twisted screw broke free of the floor. With the joy of a new mother, I heaved a sigh of relief and admired all that my efforts had procured.

Once I caught my breath, I found great satisfaction in tearing out the remaining vinyl and sticky strips, and tossing it out the back door. (I did go out later to bag it up and toss it to the curb). But I’m not sure what to do with these screws…what if they are of alien origin and they are an accused weapon against humanity? What if they fell into the wrong hands? Diabolical little screws…

Do they look like crop circles to anyone else?

p.s. I checked…this screw didn’t make the List of Screws in Wikipedia.

Tool Time

Tags

family, home, home renovations, hubby, humour, tools

Hubby’s quote for the day: “I can destroy the porch and rebuild it in three days…if Home Depot has all the supplies I need.”

You can probably quote that old saying, “Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for day. Teach a man to fish and he’ll eat for the rest of his life.” I would love to see it applied to the use of power tools…something like “teach a man to use tools and he’ll build for a day. Teach a man to use power tools, and he’ll keep his wife happy building for her for the rest of her life”. I strongly believe that the ability to use power tools is a bona fide superpower, and it’s the duty of the men in my life to occasionally put that power to good use (you certainly don’t want me to use it – it won’t end well!). Actually, my father-in-law offered to come up sometime this summer to tackle a project. So last weekend, Big Guy and my in-laws descended on our small house so the “guys” could “redo” the back porch! Sounds simple enough…but I confess I wasn’t optimistic. Every project we have undertaken in our home: a) runs into problems; b) takes longer than expected; and, c) never seems to get finished. For example, we laid a new floor over the disgusting and dated retro linoleum in the kitchen several years ago…but we didn’t take into consideration that the height of the floor would increase just enough that when we put the fridge back, we couldn’t re-install the cupboards over the fridge. I’ve filled the gaping hole with decorative dishes. It was that or frilly curtains (shudder). Or when we gutted part of the basement to insulate it, we got the flooring and drywall in, but didn’t get to the ceiling tiles. “Life is what happens after you are busy making plans. –John Lennon”

So the 4 guys strapped on their tool belts, grabbed a hammer, popped on their caps, wiped their noses on their sleeves, and (cue AC/DC Back in Black) in slow-motion style, headed out the back door to “do this thing” Monday morning! Within minutes, the back yard was littered with all the crap that we had been storing on the back porch, along with power cords and power tools. Ah, the sweet screech of a reciprocating saw and a grinder in the early (not too early) morning air.

In December, 2007, BBC News reported that “men are naturally more comedic than women because of the male hormone testosterone”. I don’t know if I believe that or not. There was certainly a lot of testosterone around, but when the guys donned their work “uniforms”, I think they also donned a grumpy and condescending attitude. Certainly there was no guffawing when the reciprocating saw blade broke…and they didn’t have a replacement…and no stores were open because it was a holiday…I did what any wise woman would do – I cleared out. In fact, I left town Tuesday afternoon. So while they dealt with rotten wood Monday morning, I dealt with some of the rotten apples strewn over the back yard. The wasps were pretty humourless too.

Deconstruction: Working hard or hardly working?

The deconstruction was completed on Monday. The construction should have been done yesterday…but Home Depot didn’t have all the supplies we needed. Maybe next week?

Happy Weekend!

Bad Fruit

Tags

home, home renovations, humour

I may have made a mistake. I’ve been feeling restless these days and finding it hard to concentrate on what needs to be done, or to get motivated enough to find something on which to concentrate. So after meandering aimlessly in the house after lunch yesterday, I started a big project in my kitchen.

I was very proud of the walls in my tiny 1960’s kitchen because I painted them myself one very hot summer. It required painting a little bit every evening after a full day of work. I also spent hours holding my breath, hunched up in front of the television, painting the wooden trim engraved with ivy and vines with a small paintbrush and a toothpick. My Mom also helped me put up my fruit border. I loved the colour…once upon a time. It was 9 years! I had planned to sand and paint the cupboard doors the following Summer, but I was pregnant with Little Guy and not painting anything!

So I started with something, well, mostly simple. Someone knocked on the front door in that irritating, overly familiar “Shave & a Haircut – 6 pence” knock while I was standing on the microwave cart tearing down the bad fruit. Even though the light was on in the kitchen, and the television was on in the other room, I was hidden so I hugged the wall and prayed for whoever was at the door to leave their calling card and move on! It wasn’t until I was stretching high on my toes and poking at the paper in the corner over the fridge, with a fork, when I heard a truck roar down the street. That was about 5 minutes after the irritating knock and I realized it had probably been the courier at the door with my package.

In less than an hour, all that remained was a layer of paper stuck fast to the wall (and the memory of what the top of my fridge looks like – yikes)! So it seems I’ll be spending more time on my toes, on the chair, with a sponge and a scraper, and maybe even a fork (it never hurts to improvise). Hubby hasn’t noticed yet…but the bad fruit is gone.