Friend of a Wounded Heart

Tags

faith, Friday's Tune, love

I listened to this song when I was a senior in public school. It made me feel less lonely. I  was (stupidly) desperate to have a boyfriend and be like the other girls in my class. I was a shy wallflower, so most of the guys didn’t notice me. And the smart ones who might of noticed me, were too afraid to say anything.

Smile, make them think you’re happy
Lie, and say that things are fine
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don’t ever show it, just keep your heart concealed

Like most prepubescent girls, I had a warped sense of love and romance. There was pressure to conform and FOMO, the fear of missing out, something that’s existed long before the concept gained popularity! I suspect that even though girls are educated from a young age to dream big and pursue those dreams, from astronomy to zoology, from running marathons to running multi-million dollar corporations, the longing is still tucked away in there. We were built for relationship. Unfortunately, thirteen year olds aren’t built with the maturity to build serious relationships.

I don’t think the pressure to have someone really lessens with age. The ability to sidestep those awkward conversations get easier. And one learns to take joy in other types of relationships, including with one’s self. As we all should. After all, no one person can ever truly make us happy. Only Jesus.

Instead, it seems every television show promotes relationships as one-night stands or something that can be tossed aside when something better comes along. Not every relationship is healthy but the casualness is disconcerting. Not just because I’m an old fart! It’s just a style with which I couldn’t be comfortable if I were single.

I’m proud of my oldest son. It’s a sore point for him. I know he’d like settle down with someone special. I’ve watched him sidestep the awkward questions. I know he gets pressured by the guys at work. But I’m proud of him for waiting, for respecting himself and the girls out there enough not to run around. He’s looking for a lasting relationship, built on friendship and trust, not sex. I believe he’ll blessed one day, and though it’s painful in the waiting, he will share a love that runs deep and can weather any storm.

 We have all been wounded by love, in the lack of it, the distortion of it, or the loss of it. We were built for relationship. But what we don’t realize is the first and most important relationship were supposed to have, the One who should be our first and forever love, is Jesus.  I don’t think I got that at thirteen. I realized it much later in life, after a lot of wounding. And yes, sometimes I still have to be reminded Who loves me most. That all the longing to love and be loved can be satisfied in that one relationship. That when it is, I have love that overflows into the other relationships I hold dear – my family, my church family, even the stupid man in the grocery store who didn’t care that he was going the wrong way!

Perhaps that’s why this long-forgotten song has been playing in my head. I needed the reminder again. Maybe someone who persevered through this very long post needed it too.  😉

Youtube           Lyrics

Friend of a Wounded Heart © Claire Cloninger / Claire D. Cloninger / Wayne Watson
Warner Chappell Music, Inc.
Photo: Marko Blažević on unsplash.com

Friday’s Tune: All The Way

Tags

faith, Friday's Tune, hymns, music

The sun was shining this morning. It had rained through the night and broken the oppressive heat. A gentle breeze was blowing, and the birds were all singing their glorious songs. But I was sitting there in a bit of a funk. I felt guilty because I knew I shouldn’t be feeling this way. My unwelcome and long-time companion, insecurity, was hanging around too.

I had participated in an exciting venture this week, but it felt like no one noticed. Of course, they did! I had worked hard to make sure other players were acknowledged. But wasn’t I also part of the team? Like a person on fire, when a pity-party threatens, I need to stop, drop and roll before the Lord. I need to remind myself why I did what I did, why we all did. It was to honour Him with our gifts and talents, with the creativity and the opportunity He gave us. It was an honour, and each of us had an important part to play.

As I confessed my insecure heart and my ungrateful, selfish attitude, a song started to play in my heart. A hymn I have I loved for a very long time. There is nothing more that I need.

Lyrics       Youtube 
All the Way My Savior Leads Me  (c) Fanny Crosby / Richard Mullins Universal Music Publishing Group, BMG Rights Management

 

Friday’s Tune: It’s Good to Be Alive

Tags

blessing, faith, Friday's Tune, music

Sometimes we just gotta’ wake up and count our blessings. Widen our focus. Put on some music and dance. Each day is a gift. Even the hard ones.

When we “count our blessings”, we shift the focus from our circumstances or the 4 walls of our minds. It helps us appreciate what have, or who we have, in our lives. It encourages us to say “thank you”, thereby spreading the blessing. Renewed gratitude renews relationship, even the one you have with your own soul.

Like a conversation with someone else, we are forced to rethink our perceptions, talk through what is holding us back, or holding us down. We can see where we have been and where we are going, and where we are growing. If we don’t like the direction, we can start to make choices to  change it.

This life could almost kill ya’ when you’re trying to survive

When all your energy goes into just surviving, ask God to show you the blessings in your life. Share the pain, the guilt or whatever it is that is threatening to overwhelm you. He can handle it. He can handle your anger, your disappointment, and your sorrow. He can fill your loneliness, restore your peace, and strengthen your resolve.

Each day is a new beginning, a little resurrection. A chance to start over. A reason to find joy.

 

Happy Weekend!

Lyrics           Youtube

Photo courtesy of Jasper Geys on http://www.unsplash.com
Writers: Tom Douglas, John Cooper, Zachary David Maloy

Hope

Tags

faith, family, marriage

Today I am celebrating my  24th wedding anniversary! I have lived more years with Hubby than without him. It feels like a long time ago, and not so long ago.

A few years ago, I shared how my grandparents met and some memories of their wedding in 1948. I thought I had some of her memories about her honeymoon in the book she started to write for me, but she didn’t make it to the ’30s. Still, precious memories. I do remember that on their honeymoon, they spent a night in a little cabin and in the morning, woke to a cow peeking in the window. This was her nightgown, saved all these years, with tiny stitching, in a stiff, satiny fabric. The waist is ridiculously tiny!! 🙂

I know their marriage wasn’t always “bliss” but they weathered the storms together and were still very much in love over 60 years later. I wish I could ask them for the secret of a long marriage, if one even exists.

I saved my own nightgown, which was special because my Mom made it for me, sewing at my Grandmother’s house so it would be a surprise!  It’s made of a semi-sheer fabric with wide lace, with a matching robe.

I entered marriage with dreams of a whole and happy family, the white picket fence, etc.  As anyone who has been in a serious relationship will understand that the honeymoon doesn’t last. I joke that the first 15 years of our marriage was the hardest 🙂

I planned to pack it next year when we celebrate our 25th. I had hoped to wear it and kiss my sweetheart under the Italian stars. Now I’m not sure we’ll even make it, but I will content to just be together.

There was a time when I feared we wouldn’t make it. I seriously considered separating at one point, but I would stay married. I sought counsel from a pastor who, though I didn’t know well, I knew I could trust.

After I spilled my heart, she asked me one question: “Do you still love him?. “Yes,” I whispered through my tears. She smiled and replied, “then there is hope”.

I can’t imagine anything simpler or more profound to encourage me that day. I began to pray with a renewed spirit, for my family and  husband, but most of all for me. I asked God to help me see my husband as God saw him. I prayed for love. I prayed for wisdom to be a good wife – to know how to communicate with him, to build him up, to show him I loved him in ways he’d understand. And I prayed for a new heart and attitude.

Little by little, we both changed. God is good!

He still makes me laugh and has taught me to laugh at myself. I still catch myself watching him sometimes, the way he chews his lip when he’s concentrating, the way his eyes twinkle just before he smiles. And I could go on. I am certainly not quite the same girl he married, but perhaps a better version of the one who captured his heart. I have learned to hope.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Friday’s Tune: Perfect Union

Tags

faith, Friday's Tune, memories, music, weddings

This week, while resting with a cup of tea between jobs, I perused Instagram. I don’t normally check out the “suggested for you” page, but I did and there were wedding photos. I’m a sucker for ball gowns. Actress, Busy Philips, celebrated her 13th anniversary this week and she posted pics from her nuptials, including her dress, her invitations, and her “mix tape”, a gift to  was given to her guests. My guests received homemade chocolate truffles. I think I’d prefer the truffles.

Anyway, it got me thinking, since this Monday is my 24th wedding anniversary! I’ve lived more years with Hubby than without.

There were certain things about my special day that were extra important, the groom and my family aside. The dress (as Princess Diana as I could afford). The flowers (red roses like my grandmother). And the music. I selected every piece, from the processional (Praise My Soul the King of Heaven) and recessional (Trumpet Voluntary), to the hymn and 2 solos. I also selected the first 3 songs for our small dance. I danced with my father to Matthew Ward’s, My Little Ones. It made us both cry. Our wedding party danced to All the Way My Saviour Leads Me by Rich Mullins. But it was our first dance that is today’s tune: Perfect Union by Matthew Ward.

My sister-in-law introduced me to this song when she had it sung at her wedding. I loved the imagery that despite the “storms of life”, if we chose to seek God first in our marriage, we would be strengthened and love would endure. We would be joined in “three part harmony”.

During some very difficult years, I would look at our wedding photos and I was encouraged by the light reflecting on the cross on the altar in front of us. I took that as a special message from God that He was still part of this relationship and if we looked to Him, we would endure.

Hand and hand we’ll seek the Father.

Happy Friday!

Lyrics
copyright: © Matthew Ward / John Andrew Schreiner Music, Megins College Fund Music

Friday’s Tune: Legendary

Tags

Friday's Tune, music, Skillet

I went grocery shopping yesterday and it wasn’t long until I became an angry shopper.

I met a woman coming the wrong way down the well-marked aisle. I kindly pointed it out to her and she walked right and muttered, “I don’t think so”. It immediately sparked something primal in me. I replied, “no, really. There are arrows on the floor”. She replied without stopping or looking back,  “I don’t see anything”. “Really?” I barked, and turned to go. That’s when she muttered something rude. I won’t repeat it.

It made me angry: her sense of entitlement to break the rules, her assumptions about me, and overall, the complete lack of respect.

Anger is a natural response. In some cases, it’s an appropriate response. Even Jesus got angry. But he didn’t live angry. He didn’t feel angry. Not all the time. It was one of the reasons that I quit my job. I felt angry all the time, and I don’t want to be that person.

I don’t want to drive angry. I don’t want to work angry. I don’t want to live angry.

On the way home from the store, Skillet’s song, Legendary, was playing.

Every day I fight to be…Legendary

What does that mean? I know for some it means building an empire, getting noticed, having a following. As a Christ Follower, I am not called to build my kingdom but God’s.

Somewhere along the way, God started to connect the dots. To be legendary means to live every day as Jesus did. Jesus spoke out against injustice. He built up the poor and the weak. He loved the outcast. The very things we let divide us never mattered to Him. Instead of skin colour or cultural backgrounds, He saw people who struggled and hurt.

Legends made when faith is strong.

It sounds simplistic, but if we all adopted the attitudes of Jesus, wouldn’t it stand to reason that our actions would become an outpouring from a place of love. Our own sense of importance and entitlement would dissipate. We would have the energy to focus on fighting for the things that matter – “breaking down the wall of hostility” – instead of fighting each other.

I’m not naive nor do I belong on a soapbox. I know the problems in our world are greater than any one person. Or any one group of people. But it doesn’t mean I stop trying. I can choose to be angry, or I can choose to live another way.

Happy Friday!

Lyrics              Youtube

photo: canva.com

Friday’s Tune: Better is One Day

Tags

Bible, faith, Friday's Tune

Matt Redman’s song, Better is One Day came out in 1995 and it remains in on the Christian Copyright Licensing International’s Top 20 list. It’s based on Psalm 84: 9-11:

Look on our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one. Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

This week my amazing friend shared her experience with this song with an honesty and vulnerability that made my heart both burst with joy, and bleed a little. Her testimony is amazing because her God (& mine) is amazing. Her joy is contagious and her desire to know and serve the Lord is tenacious. God has done great things, and He is doing and will continue to do great things in her life, and in the lives of all she touches. Her blog is called Blessed Beyond Measure – I encourage you to pop over and visit her post “Better is One Day“.

I made a connection to this song when I learned about the sons of Korah in Beth Moore’s A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place. It continues to be a reminder that I should be content where God has placed me to serve. His presence is all I need.

God had set apart the Levites as the tribe to serve in His holy dwelling place, and the Korhathites in particular (Lev. 4:4), to carry “the most holy things” used in the Tent of Meeting when the camp moved. (Lev. 4:15) BUT they were not to touch or look upon any of the most holy things or they would die. (Lev.4:15, 20)

But, as people are prone to do, a number of them, along with some other prominent  leaders, became insolent and accused Moses and Aaron of setting themselves above everyone else. Moses asked Korah, “Isn’t it enough for you that the God of Israel has separated you from the rest of the Israelite community and brought you near himself to do the work at the LORD’s tabernacle and to stand before the community and minister to them? …now are you trying to get the priesthood too?” (Num 16:9-10) Moses interceded so that God graciously spared the innocent members of the rebellious tribe, but God’s judgment on the others was severe. The earth opened and swallowed them so that the whole nation would know that God distributed justice.  As a reminder that God was sovereign, He directed the censors used in the rebellion were hammered down and used as a overlay or shield on the altar.

The descendants of Korah became temple musicians in the days of King David and King Solomon, and they never forgot the sins of their forefathers. They sing a new song of praise and gratitude, recognizing that being present with God’s is the greatest blessing.

Happy Friday!

Youtube                 Lyrics

Better is One Day  Matt Redman © 1995 Thankyou Music (Admin. by Capitol CMG Publishing)

Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Friday’s Tune: In The Middle

I started singing this song yesterday, the question at the end of the chorus piercing my heart through my quiet time: “will we trade our dreams for his or are we caught in the middle?”

I’m in a season in my life where I feel caught in the middle, and I  don’t just mean my age! 🙂  I’m caught between caring for my kid as he nears adulthood and facing an empty nest. I’m caught between jobs, responsibilities, or adventures. Whatever you want to call it, I’m in a waiting period. I’m not discontent but I’m always wanting more. There are things I wanted to do, a world I wanted to change, and a lot of it simply won’t happen.

I’m just feeling a little lost. And that’s ok. Feeling lost and being lost are two very different things. God hasn’t forgotten me. I’m on a “need to know basis “and right now, I don’t need to know. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop asking though.

YES!

I don’t usually post the lyrics to songs; it feels like cheating because the words aren’t mind, but Mr.Hall did a great job capturing how we’ve all felt at one time or another…

In The Middle

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, you’ll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who you’re making me
Somewhere in the middle, you’ll find me

Just how close can I get, lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the god we want and the god who is
But will we trade our dreams for his or are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands

Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle you’ll find me

Lord, I feel you in this place and I know you’re by my side
Loving me even on these nights, when I’m caught in the middle
Caught in the middle

Happy Friday!

YouTube

In The Middle: John Mark Hall © Universal Music Publishing Group, Capitol Christian Music Group

Friday’s Tune: Who You Say I Am

Tags

failure, faith, Friday's Tune

Have you ever noticed that we wear names and titles like a favourite old shirt? They become a staple in our wardrobe, something we cling to as familiar and comfortable. They are unflattering, maybe even off-putting to others. Maybe even to us. But we can’t quite work up the energy or even the courage, to let them go. We feel naked without them; they have become the fabric of us. Other times we know it’s time to throw them out but we are too uncomfortable to go without. We want to wait until something better comes along, but we’re too timid to look for something better.

I’ve worn a lot of names and titles. Some of them were unflattering. 😉

This week, a worship leader shared that she lost her office admin. job in her home church because of COVID-19. She understood, and was still participating  as a volunteer in other areas. Yet she struggled with feelings of anger and hurt, and feelings of guilt for feeling angry and hurt. She was part of things but somehow felt like she was now on the outside. I understood. I still struggle with feelings of anger and hurt after leaving my job too.  I’m part of things but often feel like I’m on the outside, no longer valued, simply because I’m not wearing that title any more. Anger, hurt, guilt – it’s all part of the grieving process and one can’t just snap their fingers and be over it. How I wanted so much to share something meaningful with her that would help her.

 As I tried to craft a written response, God heard the unformed thoughts of my own heart. He reminded me that my title was never Office Administrator – that was just my job. My title is not Worship Leader, or Ministry Leader, or Blogger, or even Mom. My title is Child of God (John 1:12). Everything else flows out from there. Anything else that was or will be also flows out from there.  It’s the only shirt I will ever need to wear.

Happy Friday

Lyrics            Youtube

Who You Say I Am © Ben Fielding / Reuben Morgan, Capitol Christian Music Group

CFFC: Man-Made

Architecture should speak of its time and place, but yearn for timelessness.
– Frank Gehry

Amazing what you can find in a simple 20 minute walk!

Ah, to build, to build!
That is the noblest art of all the arts.
Painting and sculpture are but images,
Are merely shadows cast by outward things
On stone or canvas, having in themselves
No separate existence. Architecture,
Existing in itself, and not in seeming
A something it is not, surpasses them
As substance shadow.
– Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Happy Wednesday!

This is my post for Cee Neuner’s Fun Foto Challenge: Man-made