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Holly Homemaker visited again this weekend. It’s always around this time of year, when the air is crisp and the leaves are golden. It’s been two years since she fled my home in tears. It was either my incompetence or my bad attitude!

After raking leaves for the morning, I dusted off the food processor and spent the next 15 minutes trying to figure out how to put it together. Finally I chopped and buzzed and ground up a large head of cabbage (over 12 cups). Then I used the food processor to chop carrots and celery. You know those movies with the stupid Mom who doesn’t put the cover on and the food sprays everywhere…

When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. It’s only painful for those around you…It’s the same when you’re stupid.

I have to remember to check the toaster or someone might get a nasty surprise the next time they make toast.

I should have asked Holly to bring celery seed though, since my cupboards were bare. I made the coleslaw any way.

And then I used the food processor to chop cauliflower for soup. The recipe says to blend it after it’s been cooked and now I know why…raw cauliflower turns into dust like little Styrofoam pieces that stick to everything…

Doesn’t that look appetizing?

By the time I was done, I had a huge mess to clean up. There were bits of veggies all over the floor, the countertops, and the sink. And Holly? That sweet smiling domestic goddess had disappeared out the back door, leaving it all for me to clean it up! If she visits again, I promise you, it will end badly…


Your honour, I swear…it was self-defence!