Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #12

Tags

cooking, covid-19 diary, covid-19 humour, dear diary, humour, parenting, spring cleaning, teenagers

Dear Diary – Spring is officially here, which supposedly means it’s time to tackle dreaded Spring cleaning (and I can’t say “I’m too busy” during quarantine )! So I pulled out boxes from under my bed and exterminated some dust bunnies. I sorted through a box of odds and ends and found some miscellaneous photos. Most were tossed out, but one out-take made me laugh out loud.

I had asked the photographer at my wedding to do a large family group shot including Big Guy, Hubby, my parents, brother and sister-in-law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and first cousins. I don’t know who took this snap but bless them!

Yup! That’s my mom giving my dad the ol’ bunny ears…

There’s one in every crowd!

Dear Diary – Complaining about my covid weight is like someone complaining about a politician when they didn’t vote. Especially when I’m inhaling goodies. So, I’ve been trying to find healthier experiments options. This week I tried eggplant parmigiana. It was much more labour intensive than I anticipated considering it’s 3 basic ingredients: eggplant, sauce and cheese. I ended up with such a pile of dishes: 2 colanders (for salting and draining the eggplant), 2 saucepans (because the first one was way too small), 3 bowls, a frying pan and a casserole dish (to bread, fry and store the eggplant), 1 dish to bake, and all the assorted utensils to cut, measure and grate. While it turned out beautifully, there was one problem: it turns out I don’t like eggplant.

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I’m fat

Yesterday I made a chicken pie from scratch. I also created another mess, albeit smaller than Monday’s mess.

But unlike the eggplant, this I liked! I mean, what’s not to like about butter and lard… Before you condemn me for not eating healthier, it did have vegetables inside.

Dear Diary – I’ve started sleeping with the new mouth guard. It won’t help me win any beauty contests. It takes me forever to get to sleep because it gives me a headache and it tastes slightly of perfume. Also, I am afraid of choking and drowning on my spit in my sleep. When I said I wanted to die peacefully in my sleep, this isn’t quite what I had in mind.

Dear Diary – This weekend I get to meet the physical terrorist therapist for physical torture therapy on my shoulder, now that I’ve been shot! Hubby went to her a few months ago. I take comfort in the fact that she’s shorter than me. It means maybe I can take her on. Put ’em up!

Dear Diary – Hubby and I have been pvr-ing and binge watching the Great British Baking Show. We’ve watched some of the same seasons more than once. Partly because we don’t remember who wins.

When did our interests switch from action adventure to cooking?

I suppose both genres could have explosions….and steamy buns.

There are other problems with watching so many British shows:

1. It makes me want to bake.
2. The voice in my head develops a British accent.
3. Hubby and I start using phrases out loud, in a British accent, which really annoys Little Guy.

I guess that last one really isn’t a problem. 😉

Dear child – I plan to give you love, nurturing, and just enough dysfunction to be funny. Love Mom

Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #11

Tags

baking, cooking, covid-19 diary, covid-19 humour, dear diary, doctors, groceries, humour, music

Dear Diary – I got shot today. I knew it was probably going to happen.

I showed up at the rheumatologist’s office full of pepto bismol and sweating through my t-shirt. I don’t think the doctor quite believed me when I said I’m in bad shape, until he asked me to raise my arms…his eyebrows went up and he grimaced and shook his head before commenting, “nope, definitely going to do the cortisone shot”.

I was prepared for “the worst”. I had envisioned a 6″ needle being forcibly stabbed into my shoulder, followed by searing pain right before I lost consciousness. Instead, it was just a small prick. As he went to sit down to print my prescription, I said “that wasn’t so bad”. Famous last words! No sooner had the words left my mouth, that my body realized the violation to which it had just been subjected, and it screamed at me. I bit my lip under my mask and with curled my toes, tip-toed to the pharmacy next door. I had to replace the shot for the next victim patient.

I texted Hubby from the car: “ow!” Both Hubby & Little Guy met me at the door at home. They cooked dinner and brought me my plate of spaghetti. They even grated cheese on it. The next day, before my “24 hours of rest” ended, Little Guy suggested I leave the dishes…for Hubby. I washed them anyway, but not with my usual vigour.

Now I have to book physiotherapy appointments.

You know you’re getting old when..your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

Dear Diary – I was excited this week because a current contestant on the Great Canadian Baking Show liked my scone photo from Monday’s post on my Instagram account! He isn’t a celebrity, but it’s the closest I may ever get!

Apparently the CBC is accepting applications for Season 5 of the show. I told Hubby, just to see the look of panicked horror on his face. Even I know my limitations!

Dear Diary – It was Christmas grocery week again, and everything seemed to come together so smoothly. It shoud have been a red flag. When the guy came with my substantially loaded cart, he apologized because they lost one of my bins, and I had already been charged for everything. I was going to have to call and ask for a reimbursement. My stomach immediately twisted in a knot because I knew this was going to be a hassle. Then I had a moment of illumination, and asked nicely, “since you know what’s missing, might there be someone free who could grab those 4 items now”? He supposed he could, if I was willing to wait.

I was willing to wait.

Eggplant paremesiana, a new experiment for me, doesn’t work so well with no eggplant!

Dear Diary – Last weekend, Hubby was worried he was coming down with Covid. He only had to wait 24 hours for a testing appointment, and in that time he gave us all a wide berth. I started to feel like I was the one with the plague, and with such close contact in our small house, if he had it, it was toooooo late! Sunday morning he came home relieved that he had not been lobotomized during the testing. On Monday afternoon, I was in the process of calling to reschedule an appointment, when he hollered up the stairs, “I don’t have the plauge”!

On the plus side, he can now taste his coffee.

That might seem like an odd comment, but the man has virtually no sense of taste or smell. I believe him after, several years ago, he stuck his nose next to Little Guy’s horrifically smelly bum (I could smell it on another level of the house) and inhaled without passing out.

Dear Diary – Why are dermatology offices always pristine, minimalist, and white? Soft flute music was piped throughout. I felt like I was in a spa (or what spas look like on t.v. having only been to one once in my life). I could certainly have used a relaxing massage…and maybe a pedicure!

Dear Diary – Hubby farted and I asked him, “what is that? B-flat?”. I was close. He farted a perfect middle C.

We already know I scream in A.

Talk nerdy to me!

Dear Diary – It’s nearly time to clean the oven again. Little Guy commented last night that he thought he smelled smoke. The oven had just been on because I had just baked another batch of pumpkin chai scones, so I told him it wasn’t smoke, but the incense of many burnt offerings.

Today me will live in the moment, unless it’s unpleasant, in which case me eat a cookie.

Cookie Monster

Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #9

Tags

cooking, covid-19 diary, covid-19 humour, dear diary, disasters, humour

Dear Diary – It’s been the kind of week where I start the day fresh and full of plans, including taking some time to be creative. By the end of the day, I’m wondering “what happened”? It’s not like I’m lying around in my pjs watching my “stories” and eating bon-bons. Although, that does sound nice!

I suppose I did go a little wild this week! It’s all a blur. I went to the drug store for some extra groceries, and Fabricland for a new sewing maching needle, since I shattered my last one. (I got some fabric too…shh…). I put gas in the car for the first time this year. I think the last time was in September. I picked up my tax receipt at the church and saw my chiropractor. I taxied my friend and waited in the parking lot.

And then I really threw caution to the wind and went through the Tim Horton’s drive-thru. O sweet elixir for the caffeine addict, enticing nectar from the camellia sinensis plant! How I have missed thee!

Dear Diary – Do rice krispy squares count as baking? If so, I baked this week. Last week, I baked blueberry scones. I hid 2 in the freezer. Shh…don’t tell!

Dear Diary – I’m wondering if quarantine has made us all retreat into our own little worlds more than we realize. Initially, we were so starved for human contact that we would post anything that made us smile. There was a phase where emotions ran high and tempers flared, so everyone took a step back or joined different “camps”. Gradually, posts began again but more selective. I’ve noticed fewer interactions on multiple social media outlets. I could count the number of condolences on the loss of a dear friend on one hand. There were people I expected to at least acknowledge this loss, and when they didn’t, I was disappointed and felt lonely. I’m not laying guilt trips on anyone; we’re all keeping busy. I’m just reminding myself that people are important, and unless I stay in touch, I won’t know what they’re wrestling with, and consequently, I won’t be there for them when they need me most. The world around us will always be changing but our need for each other won’t. Call, text or message someone today!

Dear Diary – Cheese does not cover all evils. Sure, it was lovely and gooey in the butternut squash lasagna I made from scratch, but it couldn’t quite cover the flavour of burnt!

With online grocery shopping for two weeks at a time consumming hours to plan and buy, and with the insane price of food these days, I’ve been exploring vegetarian options. I try to prepare one vegetarian meal per week, which is a challenge in a household of male carnivores.

First, I forgot to order lasagna noodles, so I had to make my own. While they were slightly ovoid in shape, they were silky and smooth. The difficulty, this time, was the sauce!

I have made bechamel sauce many times before, including in the pastitio I made for Valentine’s Day. I followed the recipe exactly and it should have thickened in 5 minutes. After 10 minutes of constant stirring, my arms were ready to fall off. By 20 minutes, I was pretty sure I’d burned off all the skin on my forearms. Little Guy took over so I could roll the pasta, but he couldn’t take the heat.

We gave up. Unlike my waistline, it wasn’t getting any thicker, and it was smelling scorched. Unfortunately, the squash was juicy too, so we ended up with a very wet, slightly scorched lasagna. The pasta was good. The cheese was awesome. So I’m thinking, next time…I’m making mac ‘n cheese, with a side of steak!

According to this box of mac ‘n cheese, I’m a family of 4!

Dear Diary – A few people have been posting pics on FB, following my dear friend’s passing. I have to say, we all still look pretty good! I was actually surprised at how little I’ve changed. I mean, I’m still growing….just rounder. My hair is blue, but it’s a creative choice not yet necessary to cover gray hair. It’s coming, as is a double chin and false teeth.

Speaking of teeth, I have to go to the dentist tonight and I’m terrified. I know there’s an issue that needs to be addressed. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of the dentist. Maybe it’s the fact that I had sooo many teeth pulled when I was a kid because my mouth was too small (no comments from the peanut gallery to the contrary) or a bad experience with a root canal. I fell off my bike as a kid and my face broke my fall. I could only eat yogurt for weeks. I hate yogurt.

I hate dentists more.

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both is dental.

Ogden Nash

Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #7

Tags

baking, cooking, covid-19 diary, covid-19 humour, dear diary, humiliation, humour, shopping, Valentine's Day

Dear Diary – I declared last Friday a pajama day! (but just so I wasn’t completely disgusting, I did shower and put on clean pajamas). I was so excited to have family and friends join in or comment on our “Adult Spirit Day”! I think we should plan something for next month. Anyone?

Cheers!

Dear Diary – I am a Valentine’s Day survivor. It’s that one holiday between Christmas chocolate and Easter chocolate, that I tend to despise. Too many bad experiences that make me want to cry out “Bah…humbug!” As always, I wore my traditional black to honour my friend (my little black dress stayed in the closet where it continues to shrink), and we ordered in pizza.

On Sunday morning, I received a cryptic text from Big Guy. I had my suspicions but I played dumb (which I’m really good at doing). Sure enough, within 10 minutes I heard snow crunching outside the front door. I opened to a stranger hightailing it away from my house and a large brown paper bag on my doorstep. Even though it was obviously too small for Big Guy to hide in, I brought it inside gingerly. It contained Tim Horton’s: 1 large coffee, 1 large steeped tea (Mine!), 1 large chocolate milk, and 3 chocolate chip cookies. It was the best breakfast from the sweetest kid!

I miss him.

Hubby also cooked us eggs and hash browns (yum!) and helped with dishes. Little Guy played Halo with me in the evening. 🙂

So it was my turn to treat. I spent the afternoon making pastitio, a layered Greek pasta dish similar to lasagna, with a thick bechamel sauce on top, and loads of gooey cheese. Very low cal. For dessert, homemade shortbread cookies. I experimented with flavouring the icing with tea: purple was earl grey, pink was cherry lucuma, and brown was s’mores chai. If you knew to look for the flavours, I mean really concentate, you could taste them.

• 

• 

• 

I also made a cardboard template and cut out what were supposed to be tea bag shaped cookies. It took forever. Little Guy thought they were price tags. Obviously the baker on The British Baking Show did a much better job!

Sadly, my kid didn’t get to spend Valentine’s Day with his new sweetheart, who I have yet to meet. Of course, with Covid, they rarely get to meet!! Long distance relationships can be hard at the beginning, however, it also means you have time to get to know each other. That’s how Hubby and I started. Instead of texting, we wrote long letters, and occasionally talked on the phone after 11 p.m. when the long distance rates were lower. There were no phone plans back in the dark ages. Hubby and I also spent our first Valentine’s Day apart and it sucked for other reasons, but we’re still an item, celebrating 25 years in June. Maybe this couple will have quite a story to tell one day: “Love in the Time of Covid”.

Dear Diary – I ordered and picked up groceries on the only day this week that it snowed. Murphy’s law! With the windchill, it was dipping close to -20C, which made for a long, cold wait. I was the only one cued for a pick up and it took forever for them to come. I know why now: I’m feeding an army!

Be thankful for what you have. Your life, no matter how bad you think it is, is someone else’s fairytale.

Wale Ayeni

Dear Diary – Yesterday I supervised Little Guy’s 3 hour Computer Coding Competition. Even though he notified his teachers for the 2 periods he would miss, I still had to notify the school. But where to begin?

I began with the online attendance system used by the school board. It took me 20 minutes of searching and a 5 minute “video for dummy parents” only to discover that the Report Absence Button no longer exists.

So I called local school. She gave me 2 phone numbers for Virtual School. The first number was the correct number to report absences for Virtual School, but the voice mailbox was full, and then it started screaming “error, error” in my ear. So I called the other number and left a detailed voice message. I received a call back almost imediately from a very polite young man, chuckling from his toes. He was a Rogers Communications employee and this was his personal cell phone. Freaking awesome!

Next I sent both schools an email, explaining why I was writing and what number I called to get the “full” mailbox. At least they couldn’t say I didn’t try! There went the first half of my morning.

About 4 p.m., an hour after Little Guy had completed the competition, I received a rather snotty and abrupt email from the local school, giving me the phone number for reporting absences to the Virtual School. Obviously she read my email very carefully. Sigh…

Sheldon: Why are you crying?

Penny: Because I’m stupid!

Sheldon: Well that’s no reason to cry; one cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad.

– Big Bang Theory, Season 3, Episode 10

Tea-Stained Chicken

Tags

cooking, food, food photography, recipes, tea

My cooking is fabulous, even when the smoke detector is cheering me on…

So I’m not a good cook. There are a few crime scene photos to prove it. But I keep trying, and once in awhile I have success. Other times, we had a pile of charred pots. Either way, we haven’t starved yet!

Just over a year ago, I tried a recipe for English Breakfast Tea Chocolate Cake. It was over-the-moon delicious! I made it for Dad’s birthday this year! So I decided to try another “tea” recipe on the savoury side: Tea-Stained Chicken.

Tea-Stained Chicken is also known as Laquered Chicken or Mahogany Chicken. Normally a whole chicken is smoked over a blend of spices and tea leaves, before it is glazed and baked to perfection. But my Weight Watchers recipe book skips the smoking part (thank goodness – can you imagine how much my smoke detector would be cheering?!?), and just made the sauce.

I was running late (as usual) so I prepared my stain and used it immediately, but it could be done up to a day ahead and would likely produce a much darker colour.

I brought 1/2 water to a boil, then set is aside with 1 tea bag (Tetley or Red Rose, I’m not sure which I used), 2 slices of fresh ginger and 4 peppercorns. I thought it was odd that they were so specific with the peppercorns, but it made it easy to count when you fish them out later! 😉

After 5 minutes, I squeezed out my bag and added 1 1/2 tsp. of soy sauce and 1 tsp. packed brown sugar. Back on the heat until it is reduced in half. Let it cool. Remove the ginger and peppercorns and paint it on your chicken.

They suggest browning the chicken in a pan before tossing it in the oven at 350F. The frugal dishwasher in me just tossed it in the oven. Why would I dirty 3 pots and pans for one meal?? It’s like crockpot recipes that you pre-cook 3/4 of the way before putting it in the crockpot. Does that really save me time?

The sauce was a rich, dark brown, and had thickened enough that it didn’t roll right off the chicken. I have made differnt sauces using soy sauce and ginger in the past, but this had a slight acidic tang from the tea, and a lovely subtle heat from the ginger and peppercorns. I would probably make it again.

The recipe book recommended serving the chicken with mango relish. I haven’t had great success in selecting ripe mangoes, so I made a tomato peach salsa instead. I’m surprised I haven’t shared this recipe already – I love it!

• 1 tomato, seeded and diced
• 1 peach, peeled and diced
• 1 1/2 tsp. lime juice
• green onion
• 1 1/2 tsp. oil
• 1 clove garlic or 1/4 tsp. garlic powder
• 1/2 tsp. liquid honey
• 1/4 tsp. chili powder (optional)
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/4 tsp. pepper

You don’t need a silver fork to enjoy good food.

Paul Prudhomme

Bon Appetit!

CFFC: Sense of Taste

Tags

baking, birthday, cake, CFFC, cookies, cooking, food, food photography, Photo Challenge, photography

People who love to eat are always the best people. – Julia Child

Cookies are made with butter and love.

Only the pure in heart can make a good soup. – Ludwig Beethoven

If God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn’t have given us grandmothers. – Linda Hemley

A party without cake is just a meeting!

Strawberries are what make life taste wonderful. ― Anthony T. Hincks

Because everything is better with bacon, right?

Happy Wednesday!

This is my post for Cee Nuener’s Fun Foto Challenge: Sense of Taste

Holly Homemaker: The Prequel

Tags

baking, cooking, food, homemaker, humour

Last week I promised to share “Holly Homemaker: The Prequel” but I have been scratching my head ever since to figure out just when Holly began whispering “house & home” suggestions in my ear…

My Mom was never a “domestic goddess” and I don’t think she’ll be offended for me saying so. We ate well, our house was clean and our clothes were always pressed. She sewed “little house on the prairie” dresses and skating costumes for me. She taught me to bake bread in a brick oven and how to embroider. And she tried new, “home-y” things too. We were a happy family.

But looking back, I suspect Holly tortured my Mom before me, with her sweet cinnamon-scented promises of profuse public praise of her skills from her friends and family. So, with motherly wisdom, she tried to protect me from the sad reality that I wasn’t destined to be a domestic goddess either!

I remember asking for an easy bake oven. Whether it was a money issue or fear that I would be creating burnt offerings at too young an age and become discouraged, I never got one. What I did get was a few tiny baking pans and a couple of mini cake mixes, which my mother patiently helped me mix and bake…and smother in chocolate icing to cover that underlying scorched flavour.

My Mom tried cake decorating for awhile and even entered a contest. As I wandered among the creative confections creations, I asked my Mom, “can I do this too?” She paused and looking at me with a smile, said “no”.

But I did learn a few things about home-making from my Mom…how to time my meals so I don’t have soggy veggies with my meat, why I shouldn’t leave plastic items in my oven, and how to beat down a smoke detector with a broom. I moved away from home 21 years ago, and I still open the oven door before I turn it on…even though I NEVER store or hide anything in my oven in the first place. See? I learned…

BUT the lesson I most need to stick, I haven’t seemed to sear into my brain…yet. Just how to oust the skank that invades my home in the Fall. Since posting the things Holly has convinced me to do THIS year, I have baked 2 dozen apple spice cupcakes with brown sugar & cinnamon buttercream icing and a chocolate chip banana cake with cream cheese icing – from scratch! I’ve also made hummus (which my kids won’t eat) and I’m tackling ricotta-filled ravioli tomorrow. Lord willing. Don’t ask about my diet. Just. don’t.

Seriously though, what is wrong with me?

Thanks Mom, for trying to impart your wisdom. If I burn the house down tomorrow, know that I love you!

Happy Weekend!

One Bowl or Two?

Tags

cooking, food, humour

Binge watching My Kitchen Rules (MKR) is having a serious effect on me. Last night, instead of admitting we were having leftovers again, I described our meal as the following:

Roast beef with brown gravy and sautéed red capsicum and mushrooms, together with sweet potato mash. For dessert, warm apple cranberry crisp.

So what if the roast had rested in the fridge for 3 days now? It was resting in gravy! So what if the mushrooms were a little wilty when I started? So what if the crisp wasn’t crispy anymore? It sounded more appetizing than leftovers…again!

Last weekend, I decided to learn how to make pasta. I know…me with all the cooking disasters and crime scene photos! But if I can’t travel to Italy this year,( especially after studying the language for the past year)…surely I could learn to cook like a nonna. And I reasoned that my bread baking skills were proof that I could be certain of success! If not success, than a really great blog post on what NOT to do.

I have been waiting to try my new pasta machine since my birthday, which was in April, but with the brutally hot summer that hasn’t given up its grip yet, I’ve had to keep waiting. And I could wait no longer.

Last Saturday was the “Day“! I spent the morning reading an excellent article on the “hows” and “whys” of making perfect pasta. Then I cleared off my dining room table and spread out my grandmother’s pastry mat, still dusted in flour and remnants from the last time she used it. I set out my bowls, my flour, and my eggs. I set up my iPad with step by step instructions (with photos). And then I stood there, holding Nana’s rolling pin and saying a little prayer…

* * *

If you were expecting a long-winded tantrum on my terribly traumatic flop with flour…for once, you will be disappointed! Sorry!

Everything went scarily smoothly. My egg nest blended together. I only broke a slight sweat kneading the dough.  Hubby manned the crank on the pasta machine for most of the dough, and boiled it up for supper (60-90 seconds per quarter batch of dough). We even tried all the attachments, so we had options: fettucini and tagliolini.

One bowl or two?

Next time, I’ll cut the pasta threads in half before boiling so it’s easier to dish it up. Or I’ll take on the challenge of ravioli!

And I’ll make a double batch because this one…didn’t last long!

Buon Appetito e weekend felice!

Deliver Us From Evil…

Tags

baking, cooking, family, food, humour

Around 5:30 last night, Hubby wandered into the kitchen and asked me, “what are you doing?”

I continued stirring onions in the frying pan but eyed him suspiciously. “I’m cooking”.

“What are you cooking?”

“I’m cooking käsespätzle”

“Bless you!” he replied. And then he started praying, “Deliver us from evil…”

* * *

As the two people who read this blog know, I am not a great cook. I’m not even a fair cook. My family survives on what I feed them…they come from strong Irish stock. And every now and then I try something new.

This weekend, I tried 3 new recipes in 2 days. I blame my Bible study group. We meet every other Sunday evening and each family takes a turn providing dinner. One mother of 4 boys made a yummy Egyptian dish (that I can’t pronounce but starts with an “M”), and then suggested that we each bring an ethnic dish from our backgrounds on our nights (btw, she’s Scottish & Irish)…

* * *

My background is Scottish, Irish and German, but…several generations ago. I searched and chose 4 recipes: German chocolate cake, käsespätzle, Irish wheat bread, and Colcannon. I went grocery shopping and bought everything I needed …for 3 of those recipes. Oops.

“Life is uncertain.Eat dessert first!” – Ernestine Ulmer

I started with German chocolate cupcakes. (I would have baked black forest cupcakes with kirsch whipping cream, but knowing my track record for disaster, I didn’t want to tempt anything involving alcohol). They are divine! (and full of fat)

It went downhill from there…

Then I moved on to Irish wheat bread, which does not reqiure yeast so no time to prove. I got my upper body workout mixing the thick, gelatinous glop and tossed it in the oven. I marked it with a cross, just like the recipe said…

Little Guy thought this cupcake looked too plain…so he added Smarties to his!

The bread was salty and the crust was bitter…just like a few Irishmen I know.

“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.” – William Butler Yeats

That was Saturday…and my family was still alive and well.

Sunday evening, I made käsespätzle…I mixed my dough carefully, measuring the 250g of flour with our scales (which to date had only weighed wooden toy cars). Then I measured that 250 g with 3 different measuring cups & got 3 different measurements… so maybe I wasn’t always the problem in my cooking disasters?

While the dough was rising for 20 minutes, I sauteed onion rings, and grated gruyere cheese. Yum! The recipe said to sieve the dough through a colander into a pot of boiling water, to form mini cylindrical shapes of “pasta”. Instead, my dough oozed slowly through the holes like viscous yellow snot. Once cooked, it rose to the surface of the water like white, dead & bloated mutant maggots. I choked back the bile forming in my throat and tasted one and I had a flashback to the paste I used to eat in Kindergarten. But I persevered, ditching the colander and using two spoons to drop little blobs of gummy dough into the water until I thought my back would break.

By this time, Hubby was back with pizza.

All was not lost…while it looked…unappetizing (and the onions were undercooked and crunchy – messed those up too apparently), my käsespätzle was delicious.

And I will never make it again!

My family are still alive and well; they have been delivered from evil!

Gut montag!

 

“What’s for Dinner?”

Tags

cooking, disasters, food, humour

It seems many of my  “cooking projects” end up just like my home reno projects – they end up creating more work and by the time it’s over, I’m too tired to enjoy the final product.

This weekend, Hubby fixed the clogged bathroom sink, but he also discovered a disintegrating pipe and a cracked sink, which has been leaking underneath. Small project just grew…

Today I bought groceries to make lasagna sauce from scratch to make a meal for a friend and her family. I also bought the ingredients to try a new chicken recipe. Do you smell disaster?

1. I searched the store for a can of cannellini beans. I don’t know what they are, and after scanning the aisles and identifying over 2 dozen different types of beans, I never found cannellini beans. So I bought a can of white kidney beans. It wasn’t until I got home and read the recipe again that I realized the beans were to be added to the side salad, so eaten raw. I don’t think cold, raw kidney beans taste very good, so now I have beans to make chili (new project #1).

2. I had thawed chicken breasts, not cutlets. The breasts were skinless but bone in, but I thought I could cut the meat off the bones to make my own cutlets. The knife was not the sharpest in the drawer – and I’m talking about me! This old bird had a hard time separating the flesh from the bone of the old birds! There was plenty of meat still on the bones, so I decided to boil them and use the broth to make soup (new project #2).

3. The panko crust didn’t want to stick to the chicken, which was cut too thick. I cut the second batch thinner, then covered them and used the can of kidney beans to pound them too (hey – a new use for project #1?)

I was so focused on the chicken though, that my pot of bones boiled dry, setting off the smoke detector. I opened the doors and dragged a chair to deactivate the smoke detector. Just as I was climbing down from the chair, I heard a voice asking, “What’s for dinner?” My neighbour was out front raking leaves in the dark. I replied, “Burnt offerings”.

By the time,  the cutlets were black rather than golden brown (3), the broth could not be salvaged (2), and I was ready to throw the beans (1).

And I still have to make the lasagna sauce…

Happy Monday (or what is left of it)!