Secret Fears of a Worship Leader

Tags

humour, speaking, worship

I recently left the morning worship service during the offering prayer, because I didn’t have the music for the offertory. You should have seen the looks on the A/V crews’ faces! I found the only copy in existence buried in the pastor’s office and made it back just in time…all the while hoofing it in heels! This past Sunday, our rehearsal was rough – our technical crew all showed up late and some of my worship team members were AWOL. It all gives new meaning to the expression “Grace Under Pressure”, and it’s certainly not the first time things have gone askew.

In a recent Facebook Post in a group for Worship Leaders, someone posed this question:

“What is your greatest, consistent (often irrational) fear when it comes to leading worship?”

Here are some of the predictable and unpredictable responses, not all born from irrational fear but from frightening realities:

• forgetting to set alarm clock at home
• no water – mouth so dry
• needing to pee in the middle of a set
• yawning, hiccuping or belching into the mic
• forgetting the lyrics/words on screen not matching what you’re singing
• chipping or breaking a tooth on the mic
• tripping over the stairs, the stand or each other
•  putting the guitar capo in the wrong spot
• getting so “into” worship results in a head butt to mic
• voice cracks/squeaks at the worst possible time
• meshing words together to create new ones (e.g., sin+shame=shilame, father+king=fahking)
• leading with eyes closed, arms raised…and fly down
• choking on own spit
• missing page 2 of music
• team member goes “rogue” in the middle of a song, and the other team members get that look of horror and confusion on their faces, and the congregation picks up on it
• breaking a G string
• messy sneeze all over mic
• getting the giggles when pastor is praying
• backing away from mic to let congregation sing only to be met with silence
• stuck in repetitive loop or worse, develops verbal diarrhea while praying
• starting a song in the wrong key from everyone else
• sneaking a sip of water and missing mouth – kersplash!
• dropping guitar and ripping pants while picking it up
• toilet paper stuck on shoe
• falling off the platform
• becoming tongue-tied, or worse, babbling incoherently with no end in sight
• fainting
• technical failure
• throwing one page too many on the floor
• dropping a cuss word
• singing off-key
• stockings fall down
• losing guitar pick
• accidentally bump mic stand and it bounces back and hits you again 3 stooges style
• stuck in a pre-service poop

One of my own personal fears happened two years ago, when a team member started the intro to a song…but not the right song. He ignored the lyrics on the screen in front of him, and the loud whispering of the pastor in the front seat, in front of him (as well as assorted hissing from the congregation). He finally stopped and apologized, saying he had the wrong song open on his stand. He then proceeded to start playing again…the same wrong song. Thanks to a quick thinking A/V crew, another pastor, and the other members of our team, we went with it. During the offertory, I took off like a shot to the back to tell the crew we would be doing the original song at the beginning of the next set. Yes, in heels! A few people chuckled when I announced the original song, and we went on from there. That team member had no clue what had happened until the end of the service. And now…every time we play together…I panic a little!

Ernest Hemingway wrote “Courage is grace under pressure”. It takes grace to round up a group of volunteers and stand together as a team, in front of people who are often all too happy to point out mistakes. Not always graciously I might add. It takes dedication to practice, to roll out of bed early to set up, and to stay late to clean up. It takes sensitivity to choose songs that will flow together musically and in their message. And it takes courage to face the fear and insecurity of speaking/singing in public, and yes, to laugh at the mistakesbtoo. Worship leaders do it, week after week, not because we’re gluttons for punishment or because we’re awesome. We love the Lord and He has asked us to share our gifts this way. God said, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9 NIV).

CMS 2015

Tags

adventure, faith, music, worship

At 5 a.m. on Friday, the moon was partially full with clouds scuttling across it. The birds were singing in stereo. I know this because I was taking out the trash while I waited for my ride. I even watched the sunrise over the water Friday morning, and day-dreamed about my bed at home.

I spent Friday and Saturday at the Christian Musicians Summit, but I felt a bit out of place. The Summit included corporate worship times, as well as sessions for lead worshipers, musicians, technicians, songwriters, and artists. I didn’t realize what a big deal it was until I looked at the website Thursday afternoon. Some of the clinicians and worship leaders are well-respected in the industry, like Matthew West, Rebecca St. James, Lincoln Brewster, and Mia Fieldes. So I went emergency shopping – I needed snacks and clothes! I wanted to look cool, but not like mutton dressed up as lamb.

From 9-5, I attended intense workshops and experienced amazing worship times.

In the evenings, I danced at the rock concerts. I was among the oldest in my immediate group, and the most active. What can I say? I just wanted to have fun! (And I was extremely tired and had been without caffeine for more than 24 hours…) I think they thought I was nuts!

For the past year or more, I have had questions that weigh heavily on my mind. Someone had asked me if I was a worship leader, and I didn’t know how to answer. I’m not sure what my role is? Where I fit in? What I’m supposed to be doing, or how I can grow? There’s no rubric or job description when you’re involved in a ministry; no road map pointing out the direction to go. The “constructive criticism” (or the omission of comment) has been wearing away my confidence. I am often my own worst enemy as I wrestle with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. But I still want to give my best to God and be obedient, wherever, and however I may be called. I have so much from this weekend to digest. But I can say that as I watched the sun set over the water coming home Saturday night, I am feeling refreshed.

Leadership Conference

Tags

faith, leadership, midlife crisis, music, worship

Part of my mid-life crisis has involved contemplating what makes a person a leader. I have had a couple of people in positions of authority, and who I respect, hint that they see leadership potential in me. I don’t see it! That doesn’t mean it isn’t there, and I certainly don’t want to be my own obstacle in reaching and using what leadership skills may exist. I can be my own worst enemy.

A few months ago I received an email that said “you should go” with a link. The link was for a Lead Worship Conference with Paul Baloche (for those who don’t know who that is, he is a well-known Christian song writer and worship leader). It looked great, but I had some pretty lame excuses why I shouldn’t go…The next email came from someone higher up the food chain telling me “we want you to go and we’ll be paying for it”.

So Saturday morning, I woke at 6 a.m. to the sound of sleet hitting the windows. Lovely! I got dressed, curled my hair, put on my make-up, and was ready to go by 7:30. Long after our group arrived and registered, I felt like a poser – what was I doing here with all these talented people? But once the worship service started, I didn’t’ care any more. It was like being at a concert – light displays, cameras, and amazing sound. Cool factor: they were recording for a live album so my voice is in that crowd! And I got lost in the music…

While I learned a number of practical things, it was the affirmations, like the heart of a worship leader (so maybe their ideas aren’t so far off?). It wasn’t just in what they were teaching, but in how they demonstrated it– with humility and love for each person.

If I had to choose 3 key points, they would be:

1) The secret to being a worship leader is to be in the secret place. Our personal life reflects our commitment and our worship.

2) God calls us to occupy the place He has put us in and our worship will overflow into that place.

3) leading is a privilege because we are given the potential to bring about an explosion of God’s power in broken people’s lives.

I feel a little less like a poser, thought I still have many doubts about my abilities and my place. I’m curious to see just where it might be leading…

Hands and Feet

Tags

faith, worship

As part of our reflection time at the worship service this past Saturday night, we asked those in attendance to consider adding their hand print as a statement of their willingness to be God’s Hands and Feet in our world. It was such a blessing to see so many participate. It was both a personal and meaningful exercise.

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart…For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’…. it is written: ‘What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived the things God has prepared for those who love him.’ For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Therefore, “such confidence we have through Christ before God.  Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant…” The word “ministers” encompasses the entire realm of servanthood, not just pastors or deacons. God created us with a need to contribute and participate in His kingdom on earth. Our salvation is a free gift that demanded the work of Christ Jesus alone on the cross. But God requests that we join Him and be His active hands and feet in our hurting world. God has a ministry for you, and in Him, you are completely competent to receive and fulfill it. He can lead you on the adventure of a lifetime if you are willing to believe Him…

Jeremiah 29:11-13
Isaiah 55:8-9
1 Corinthians 1:9
Ephesians 2:8-10
2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Confidence

Tags

faith, music, worship

” For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” –Eph. 2:8b

Saturday’s evening worship service was supposed to begin with a short inspirational video clip from a professional baseball player. Instead, we had technical difficulties and I had to talk about the video off the top of my head. I hope I was eloquent…I really wanted to be able to use the opening I had prepared about the speaker’s two key words: passion and confidence. It seemed incredibly ironic talking about confidence, since I wasn’t feeling confident in my abilities. Passion was easy – I have passion for God, passion for worship, and passion for this service that I had helped to plan and had spent time preparing for and praying over. But confidence? Yikes! I did not feel confident sitting on a platform in front of a keyboard with a microphone practically shoved up my nose. I did not feel confident speaking or singing with a voice that had threatened to croak all week. Even in my sassy green boots, I did not feel confident that my feet wouldn’t trip on the stairs when I had to move to the piano and back. And I didn’t feel confident that my fingers would always find the right notes, or that I would sing the right words. But I did feel confident that I was right where I was supposed to be…so I started the evening by talking about confidence:

We have confidence that Jesus died for our sins and when we acknowledge Him as the Lord and Saviour of our lives, scripture tells us our sins are as far as from the east is from the west. We have confidence that He will never leave us or forsake us. We have confidence that He has a better plan and purpose for our lives. We have confidence that He loves unconditionally. And we have confidence that someday we will meet with Him face to face in eternity, and He will reign forever.

I prayed over our service for the night, asked everyone to stand…and we worshipped the Lord. Part way through the service, following a reading and time of reflection, we asked those who were willing, to participate in an exercise. Amazingly, every one did. I hope I can post a picture tomorrow so you can see our “handiwork”.

It was an amazing night, and I am so blessed to have been a part of it. Maybe one of these times, I will approach it with confidence. Then again, maybe it’s better if I don’t!

A “Rocker Chick” Wanna-Be

Tags

faith, music, worship

I have noticed something very weird lately…and a little discouraging. It’s my voice – my singing voice. It sounds awesome in the car (if I may say so). I can sing the lead or I can sing harmony! But put me on a platform with a mic and it’s pretty…wretched (if I may say so)! I wish there was a way to transfer the “car voice” to the real world.

What didn’t help at last night’s final practice was that I’m trying very hard to get a cold. I don’t know who gave me the cold since I was in solitary confinement most of last week in an effort to not use my voice (and therefore let my sore throat from Little Guy’s head butt to my nose, heal). Unlike Phoebe (from Friends), my head cold is not conducive to a sexy, smoky voice.

I don’t have a strong voice at the best of times, so the fact that the batteries in my mic kept dying also didn’t help. Maybe it was a sign… The third time we replaced them, we also moved the monitor so I could hear the piano better and then BAM! I could hear me too. I’d like to be a “rocker chick” but I think I’m just going to have to accept “Sandra Dee”…before her make-over!

This weekend, our little group is putting on another evening worship service. This will be our third, and a lot of planning, practice and prayer have gone into it. I played and sang backup from the grand piano in the corner the first time (and sang back-up on 2 songs on the platform). What a night! The second time, I struggled to accept the responsibility assigned to me – to sing and lead. God was nudging…and our “fearless leader” was nudging…and I took a leap of faith. I’m so glad I did! (see Heart of Worship I and Heart of Worship II)

This time, I will be playing the keyboard on the platform, singing (except that one song that I just can’t seem to play, sing…and sing the right words all at the same time), and leading. I’m hovering somewhere between absolutely terrified and unusually calm. Maybe that’s a good thing…fear keeps me reliant on God to speak to and through me, while peace means I’m trusting Him (and I am sleeping at night).

Our group, through a series of unfortunate events beyond our control, was forced to shrink only a year ago from 4-5 to a group of 2-3…but we are growing again. We’ve added a cajon player and bass guitarist…we have 2 other skilled guitarists who are also singing. And we have one goal in common: to “come as we are” to worship the Lord.

I’m anticipating another amazing evening…I just hope I lose this cold in time!

p.s. To my cousin who was horrified that I didn’t wear my sassy green boots last time, I promise I’ll wear them Saturday night!

Heart of Worship (Part I)

Tags

adventure, faith, music, prayer, worship

I walked on to the well-lit platform at church on Saturday night. I picked up my microphone just as S. started to play deep, resonant chords on the keyboard. I took a deep breath, and started to sing:

When the music fades, and all is stripped away
And I simply come…

Saturday night was the small evening worship service that had required lots of preparation, prayer and practice! It was the first time I have ever led worship, rather than hiding behind the piano. When S. asked me if I would do it, months ago, I laughed. There was no way – I lacked the skill and the confidence to sing and lead! What was he thinking? S. gave me a book called “The Worship Leader’s Handbook”…and I said I would pray about it (I think that’s kind of a Christian code for “I’ll humour you”…)

Longing just to bring something that’s of worth
That will bless your heart…

A few months of wrestling with God ensued – excuses abounded. All the while, I was dissecting this book, and starting to see little things – like the requirements for a worship leader extending far beyond musical ability. I think I knew I should just say “yes” long before I was willing to admit it. The final “chord” was a line about learning to worship without your instrument before being able to truly worship with it. Was I hiding behind the piano, and my excuses? Of what was I afraid?

I’ll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within
To the ways things appear
You’re looking into my heart.

So I said “yes”…

I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about you, all about you, Jesus,
I’m sorry, Lord, for the thing I made it
When it’s all about You, all about You Jesus…

The Heart of Worship © 1997 Thankyou Music (Admin. by EMI Christian Music Publishing) by Matt Redman