B&W Challenge: Spider

Tags

black and white photography, Photo Challenge, photography, spider

Recently my Mom posted this on my Facebook page. What a brilliant idea. I wish I had thought of it!

I particularly like the realistic hand drawing!

Spiders are not my favourite creature on the earth, and I have had more traumatic experiences than I care to remember…in the house, the office, the car, even in my purse! But I do try to respect their space when I’m outside. After all, the great outdoors is their living room, not mine.

The other day, as I settled into my chair on the back porch with a fresh cup of tea, I noticed something sparkling in an empty space between the apple tree and the clothesline. A space that shouldn’t occupy anything that sparkles. So, of course, I investigated.

This little guy is a distant cousin to the spider who has taken up residence between our porch and the neighbour’s porch. We eye each other I’m sitting in my chair, but as long as he leaves me alone, I’ll leave him alone.

The artist is a receptacle of emotions that come from all over the place: from the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s web. – Pablo Picasso

Happy Weekend!

This very late post is in response to Cee Nuener’s Black & White Challenge: New Photos! Hubby and Little Guy were away this week, so I’ve been spending my hours painting trim and stair risers. I may never stand straight again!  🙂

Tense Days

Tags

humour, spider

It has been a couple of tense days…in the car.

On the Thursday, I noticed silvery threads streaking across the windshield on the passenger side, and I wondered who or what could have scratched it this way. But on second glance, I realized with horror, that the silvery streaks were actually the silvery strands of an arachnid, and they were inside the car.

I pushed down the panic rising in my throat and forced myself to concentrate on the road in front of me. Afterall, I reasoned, who knows how long they have been there? Perhaps the spider is just a little fellow, who made a wrong turn in life and now he’s quaking in the corner because he’s trapped in the car with a frizzy-haired, 2-legged giant. Perhaps.

It wouldn’t be my first encounter with a spider in the car. Or my tenth.

There was the time Little Guy was a baby and we were driving Big Guy to school. Fortunately, I was stopped at a stop sign when I noticed the creature running down my arm. I had enough sense to pop the car into park before bolting from, screaming and flailing like I was on fire. The guy stopped behind me wasn’t impressed.

There was the time Little Guy was trapped with one and since we were on a 4 lane highway at the time, all I could do was pass him one of the shoes I was wearing and instruct him to whack anything that moved.

There was the other time I was on a 4 lane highway in holiday traffic, and…oh never mind. It was a harrowing journey, but in the end, I prevailed!

This time, I made it to work without incident.

I made it most of way home again too, before the bites on the inside of my elbow started to itch. Coincidentally, bites that mysteriously appeared between in the Grocery Triangle – somewhere between home, the grocery store and Tim Horton’s. Coincidentally? Suddenly, every brush of my hair made me slap my body wildly. Every itch made me twitch.

I spotted something black crawling down my leg while I waited in the school parking lot. I managed to stifle a scream but slapped and flailed like a fish out of water. I don’t know if anyone noticed; I was too embarassed to look.

Unfortunately, the web was back yesterday morning. And closer. Like wrapped around the steering wheel, mockingly. Threateningly.

And in a few moments, I have to go out. In my car.

I have 2 prayers right now: 1) Please let it be hot enough in the car for nothing to survive. 2) Please don’t let it be a relative of this guy, that I found setting up housekeeping next to the cars.

Happy Weekend!

Buyer Beware!

Tags

children, fear, humour, spider

Last night, Little Guy walked into my bedroom and handed me my husband’s steel-toed shoe, and said “you can have the honours”. The honours of what? Apparently there was (and I quote) “a BIG black spider in the bathroom”.

That would explain why he closed the bathroom door on his way out, because spiders can’t work doorknobs. (He didn’t think about the 0.5″ gap under the door).

As the parent, I could only think of three options. I could call Hubby to do the dirty deed, but risk that he would say “no”. I could block that 0.5″ gap and set the entire bathroom on fire, but we only have one bathroom. It’s ugly but it’s all we’ve got! Or I could do the mature thing, set the example and kill the spider…with Hubby’s shoe.

I chose the mature option. I boldly walked into that bathroom, with Little Guy hovering at my heels, shoe at the ready. But there was no spider to be seen. I scoured the walls around the toilet (it’s last resting place). I (reluctantly) kicked the garbage can and package of t.p. away from the wall. I stood on my head to see behind the toilet. No BIG black spider.

“No, Mom. It was on the toilet. I finished going and put down the lid, and it had been on the lid the whole time”.

“This toilet?”  The one I’ve just been rubbing my body up against as I scanned the floor tiles.

Ew!

Another bathroom assassin.

There are a number of ways to kill (or migrate) spiders. Hello Giggles lists 11 ways.  Wikihow uses pictures. But the key component to killing a spider…is the spider! And our BIG black spider was gone!

Rule #1 – Always check your surroundings. Assume they are everywhere.

Now Little Guy will never forget Rule #2– when you see a spider, do not break eye contact. Feel free to call for backup, as loud as necessary. Because the moment you look away, they will run away.

We have a BIG black spider living somewhere in our home. So I’m going to suggest we spend the weekend in a hotel (I’m packing nothing), and immediately put our house on the market. Buyer beware!

Happy Weekend!

It must be “Monday”

Tags

humour, spider

I’ve posted 4 times this week (counting today) so I’m giving myself permission to keep it short & sweet, just like me <insert gagging noises>!

I was cleaning out some old emails from my “Sent Folder” when I stumbled on this wonderful memory – on a Tuesday morning, which feels like a Monday because it’s the first day of my working-outside-the-home work week. (I don’t exactly get to spend Mondays watching my “stories” and sucking down bon-bons all day)!

I wrote to Hubby:

“I both hurt myself and humiliated myself at the same time. It must be “Monday”.

Spider.

Need I say more?”

I know you want me to say more – to share the juicy story of how a maiden fair fought off the unconscionable attack of an 8-legged behemoth as she sat on her tuffet, working in a most graceful manner.

But I can’t because I said I’d keep it short.

Let’s just say there were piercing screams, clawing hands and flailing limbs, followed by thumps and bangs, then silence… Not one male in the office came to my rescue. Nay! They neither stirred nor yelled from the depths of their cells to see if I was ok…

…which I obviously am because I’m writing this short, lame post! Enjoy your weekend – another Monday is just around the corner!

“I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it’s just got a bad flu” – Meg Ryan

Weekly Photo Challenge: Creepy

Tags

black and white photography, Photo Challenge, photography, spider, Weekly Photo Challenge

They have stalked me in the bathroom. They have lain in wait in my purse. I have fought them off in the car on a 4 lane highway during rush hour. For years my father and Hubby have been the unsung heroes who have rescued me from them. Even my boss has had to “save” me from them. And when they take over the world, I’ll be doomed.

I have nothing to fear but fear itself…and spiders!

I can’t imagine anything creepier! Except maybe whatever is living in my carport…

To see more Creepy photos, click here.

Urban Spiders

Tags

humour, nature, spider

  It’s that time of year again, when the critters are making their presence felt. I don’t mind the cheeky squirrels leaving half-eaten apples on my porch railing and I tolerate the blue jays berating the neighbour’s cat…but I hate the spiders leaving copious strings of web between the wall of the carport and my car…right at eye level…every morning.

  Hubby warned me that there’s a “big one” in the carport (his words) over by the compost bin, so I have studiously avoided that entire side of the building. As far as I’m concerned, any arachnid larger than the head of a pin is a “big one”.

A couple of years ago I kept spraying a monstrous one with the “can of death”, but the spider only fell down and curled up for a good laugh. He was back at it the very next day! In my defence, it kept spreading silvery strings across the back door. It even laid in wait once so that when I opened the back door, it swung in too and bounced off my face. I instinctively screamed like a banshee. Thankfully, it was swinging out again so it didn’t end up in my mouth. If it had, I’d still be in a home for the bewildered knitting tea cozies!

I have a greater reason to worry this Fall, as the creepy things and furry critters seek out a warm abode for the winter. According to Australian researchers, cities are apparently heavenly for spiders. In a nutshell, cities have less wildlife (thank the danger, noise, pollution, and limited habitat) so with fewer enemies, lots of nooks and crannies, and lots of snacks (flies do love extra garbage), city dwellers are sharing space with more eight-legged guests than our country cousins! And those warm, hard surfaces, help provide cozy nurseries for their offspring. So now I can scratch “fewer spiders” off my pro list for city living…

This little guy lives in my Mom’s garden!

This morning my clothesline shimmered with silver threads…so did the giant circular web decorating my back porch (the kind copied and fabricated in glow-in-the-dark rubber as Halloween decorations). Maybe my former enemy had kids and now they are “sharing the love”…

…and what the heck is living here??

References:

http://www.theweathernetwork.com/news/articles/urban-life-is-making-spiders-bigger-more-numerous/34743/

http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0105480

Arachnophobics, Beware!

Tags

family, humour, pets, spider

Thanks Dad! The trip back to the city last week was entertaining enough when Little Guy found a spider in the car. I was driving on the highway with 4 lanes of traffic whizzing around us, so not exactly in a position to pull over or help out. I did pass him my shoe (my left shoe) and offered helpful advice, like “whack it! Smear it if you have to. Just don’t let it get away!” After a few minutes, he assured me that he got it and passed my shoe back. A few minutes later, he yelled again – apparently he didn’t get it. Then it got away and hid in the crack between the window and door…twice. He stared at its hiding place intently for the last 20 minutes of the drive, and has assured me that he got it…the third time. I’m not convinced.

As if I don’t have enough to worry about, my Dad sent me an article about a possible new species of giant tarantulas. These giant spiders, living in abandoned buildings in Sri Lanka, can often be as big as eight inches in diameter. And yes, they are venomous. While most tarantula bites are not fatal and will only create a mild reaction like itchiness and swelling, I’m guessing this one packs quite a punch! Another concern when handling tarantulas (as if I’d be in the same room as one not confined in a thick glass cage) is irritation and itching from special barbed hairs on the abdomen found on some species, so be sure to use care.

There are already over 800 species of tarantulas, and can be divided into two categories: “old world” (from the eastern hemisphere) and “new world” (from the western hemisphere). The most popular pet tarantula is the Chilean rose – it’s a hardy, easy to care for spider, native to Chile. Trivial Pursuit anyone?

While the spider in my car (if it has found a way to survive in this heat), is not exactly a tarantula, and I have no plans to travel to Sri Lanka (or anywhere for that matter), I still consider it my duty to warn arachnophobics everywhere of the confirmed existence of giant spiders. They are haunting my dreams. I’m just thankful they can’t compete in size with those seen in the movie, Eight Legged Freaks (which I have yet to see)…!

Happy Weekend!

For the full article, including the gross photo, check out: http://www.travelandescape.ca/2013/04/giant-tarantula-found-in-sri-lanka/

Another related article (and resource with more pictures):http://exoticpets.about.com/cs/tarantulas/a/tarantulasaspet_4.htm

Bugs & Ladders

Tags

bugs, family, hubby, humour, spider

OK, I only screamed twice. What was the big deal?

I had just dumped out the bag of guinea pig shavings into a clean container, and I was fluffing the shavings, when the shavings sprouted a million legs and started running around the cage. It was horrifying.

Hubby yelled down, “bug?” (isn’t it nice that he can read the signs?), then “what do you need?” I was thinking of answering, someone to come and kill this bug, but I yelled up “bug spray or a big shoe”. He brought both but we can’t spray near the guinea pigs and I guess he didn’t feel like carrying them upstairs in a topless, plastic bin. So I had to stare at it while he went for a dustpan to scoop it into (my hero!). As he headed up the stairs, he told me I have to stop screaming, there are bugs everywhere and I should deal with it. Seriously? It’s not always the fact that there’s a bug, but that the bug has startled me and I react before I reach the logical conclusion that I’m not in imminent danger (or am I?) The more I thought about his harmless comment, the more distressed I became. I didn’t know whether to rip his head off and spit down his throat, or sit down and cry. I thought about pointing out the 2 recent bathroom encounters when I calmly pointed out the spiders and cringed in the corner. And what about the black spider on Saturday morning – I screamed (twice) but I killed it myself.

Then my thoughts went to a mean place. I wonder how he would have reacted had I shaken the ladder he was on Sunday morning? Ladders wobble – deal with it! [Did I mention that at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning, I climbed a ladder and was standing on the carport roof…in my Sunday dress, holding another ladder for Hubby? Happy Mother’s Day. At least it hadn’t started snowing…sideways…] But I’m not the vindictive type…maybe in a few years once the hormones kick in!

! I may have joked when we were first married, that my job in life was to make his a living nightmare. But it was just a joke. I told him that I don’t sit around all day thinking up new ways to annoy him, to which he replied, “you don’t have to…you have a natural talent”. I’ll take that as a compliment!

Little Assassin

Tags

family, humour, spider

There it was – a monstrous, creamy, 8-legged creature, poised like an assassin on the bottom edge of the next square of toilet paper. I almost didn’t see it, so efficient was its camouflage. In another 30 seconds or less, I would have been sitting on the…throne in a very vulnerable state, extending my delicately tapered fingers toward it, palm upward, reaching…Just the thought of it falling into my hand or scurrying up my arm makes my skin crawl. Hysterical screams that woke the entire neighbourhood would have followed, while I desperately clawed at my skin and clothing…

I      HATE       SPIDERS!!!

Fortunately I noticed it before I..ahem…disrobed…I told Hubby, who did an internal eye roll (I’m sure) and said, “So? Just grab the…oh, get out of the way”! My Hero! I moved and he plucked the square of toilet paper and dropped it and the rapidly descending would-be assassin in the toilet and flushed…

Now, our toilet has the nasty habit of not doing the best job in the flushing department…I’ve nicknamed myself the Plunger Queen…The square flushed…but the spider miraculously did not! Now I have 3 options:

a) flush again. But then I’m wasting water, and aren’t there 345 million people without access to water, and I’m wasting it on a spider?
b) I could hold it until morning. We only have 1 bathroom. I knew I couldn’t possibly hold it all night, and besides, wouldn’t I be risking the assassin’s escape?
c) Go. Go and risk contact with the assassin, possibly in private places.

What to do? I went with option c – I threw a fresh square of toilet paper over the body, and contorting in a yoga-like fashion, I kept one eye on that body (who was, by the way, still moving quite adeptly), hovered and…went! Thank goodness I only had to go #1.

The second flush disposed of the body…at least I think it did! I woke up once in the night, around 4:30 a.m. and I decided to hold it until morning. One can never be too careful!

Some Weekend Weirdness

Tags

family, friends, holiday, humour, spider

So it seems the weather, like our ice storm late last week, isn’t the only weirdness going around. We seem to have some individuals in the neighbourhood who are confused about holidays. Saturday night, at approximately 9:30 p.m., Hubby and I were settled at our opposite ends of the couch, watching a movie, when something smashed into our front windows. Hubby grabbed the cord for the blinds, as a car sped away. Our front window had been egged. Isn’t that a prank usually reserved for Halloween? And why was our house the target on the street? We haven’t been the “cranky couple” on the block for a few years, yelling at the troublesome teens (or have we…?) and the drug dealers we (mostly me) used to stare down have moved on as well. So I have that pleasant task to address this week, once I figure out how best to approach it and reach it. This one will require a ladder. But that’s not all – I was awoken at 1:30 a.m. with a jolly fellow bellowing “Merry Christmas”! Need I say more?

Little Guy saw a “giant bug…it must have had 6 or 8 legs” in the basement and he came to me to round up this thing and “squash it”…Has this child not been paying attention? I don’t generally do “bugs” particularly ones with 8 legs! Me – who is the most likely in the house to scream and run, or at least scream and “icky ‘get-it-off-me’ dance”! But, trying to set a good example that there’s nothing to be afraid of while secretly breaking into a cold sweat, I grabbed the fly swat and headed down. I legitimately hunted for said “giant bug” among the boxes and toys littering the floor, but to no avail. Big bug is still down there and I hope it’s not planning to hunt for me now…in the middle of the night!

On the plus side, I got to spend some time with friends (and as pathetic as this sounds, it feels really good to be able to write friends – plural). And these friends (plural) are real human beings who (seem to) enjoy my company, as opposed to my imaginary friends who barely tolerate me most days! I had friends join me for a card workshop Saturday afternoon. We were spontaneously invited to a friend’s home for lunch Sunday afternoon…and then I went for a drive with the (better?) half to look at houses in the area. Her excitement at the prospect that we could be neighbours was humbling. And finally, I got to celebrate birthday with friends (not my birthday) with cake and tea…right before supper. “Life is uncertain; eat dessert first!” Yes, I ruined my appetite (and Little Guy’s too)! It was great. Who says you can’t have oreo chocolate cake for supper? (don’t worry – we did eat a proper meal when we got home….we just had a “backwards meal”).

To nicely top off the weekend, I came home from the birthday party and Hubby had cooked dinner (not a Thanksgiving turkey dinner) and washed all the dishes. What makes this so remarkable is that lately I have been hating the cooking and the washing (more than usual), and I’m certain that having this one night off will really improve my outlook on life. I can remember feeling that way about putting Little Guy to bed when he was younger. It wasn’t that I didn’t love cuddling up to read stories to him, or rocking him in my arms and singing as he drifted off to sleep. It was just that once in awhile, I Needed. A. Break. Last night, I didn’t cook or wash dishes and the week is starting out much better (no early morning phone calls). Too bad the Easter bunny didn’t visit me…I could use more chocolate for my candy cupboard.

Happy New Year!