Dear Quarantine Diary #12

Tags

covid-19 humour, games, humiliation, humour, life, midlife crisis

Dear Diary – I read a great post about the best way to eat a “chocolate  biscuit”. Turns out The Mottled Macaroon and I eat kit-kats the same way. Care to weight in on The Great Chocolate Biscuit Debate?  Anyone want to go buy me chocolate?

Dear Diary – what was I thinking? Maybe it was the foreign sense of freedom, the excitement of Spring, the vastly empty shelves of the grocery store garden centre. But I bought a pepper plant. I brought it home with visions of juicy red bell peppers. Only it’s not a bell pepper plant. So with red, skinny peppers starting to bud,looking suspiciously like a number of hot pepper, I cut one and brought it inside. Hubby washed and sliced, and tasted it. He said it wasn’t hot. So he sliced a piece for me. It tasted like a red pepper…for about 3 seconds, and then it started to burn. I spit it out and grabbed a slice of bread, all the while Hubby apologizing. The piece he ate was an end, no seeds, so it wasn’t spicy. What am I going to do with hot peppers?

Dear Diary – She’s back! I was asked to reprieve my role as Ima and to write the skits for our online VBC. It was no small task! On Friday, Little Guy and I braved the hot sun to film my parts…in a tent. By the time we finished, we were both wet rags. I should have watched the first couple because Little Guy cut off the top of my head. I hope no one minds that it has a “blair witch project” feel to it now!

Dear Diary – Have you ever recorded a show…and when it ends, you keep watching whatever was recorded after it? Even if it’s a crappy show. We did this and I learned about the 1958 movie Macabre. I’ve never seen it. I probably never will. I’m ok with that.  What caught my attention was the marketing ploy they used to gain audiences: A certificate for a $1,000 life insurance policy from Lloyd’s of London in case they died of fright during the film. Of course there was a disclaimer: the policy would not be honoured in cases of suicide or for those with pre-existing conditions. In addition, actors were hired to play nurses in the lobby during the film, and hearses were parked outside. Were the promotions successful? Macabre grossed as much as $5 million. 

Dear Diary – Every day is starting to feel like the Hunger Games. What new disaster will challenge me until nightfall. My “frozen” shoulder just keeps getting worse and the more I stretch it, the more other things hurt too. I refuse to go bra-less or stop shaving, even if it requires crying and yoga! The two aren’t mutually exclusive anyway.

I’m now pretty much reduced to unfashionable shirts that button up the front or are really baggy. Hubby had to help me get my top off yesterday. Normally I would perceive that as a “hey baby” move, but this was desperation. It took 2 attempts and one minor panic attack before we got it. My next plan was to cut it off.

I can’t even put my hair in a pony tail. I was terribly hot Saturday evening and asked Hubby to do it. Obviously, with 2 sons, this was a foreign skill, and without 2 functioning arms, I couldn’t demonstrate. Little Guy, having had long hair himself, was slightly more adept, but didn’t wrap the band that extra time to keep it tight. Still, it served its purpose until the hot flash passed. I now wear 2 braids like a 12 year girl, or 1 katniss braid, like a 12 year old girl in 2012.

I refuse to go down without a fight!

Let the Games begin.

 

Friday’s Tune: Afterlife

Tags

faith, Friday's Tune, midlife crisis, switchfoot

I find it hard to be motivated in February. As I write, the temperature is starting to dip, the wind is picking up, and the driveway is covered in snow. I should have tackled it a hour ago, but I just wasn’t…motivated.

Eight years ago I was motivated. 40 was just around the corner. I started a blog on a whim, determined to push myself to try new things and find joy in the every day. I would laugh more and cry less. I had already wasted so much time believing the lie that I didn’t deserve to be HAPPY. It was time to change the narrative.

I’ve tasted fire I’m ready to come alive
I can’t just shut it up and fake that I’m alright
I’m ready now
I’m not waiting for the afterlife

And among the things I was motivated to do, was to run in Mud Hero – a 5K obstacle race in the mud! It required training, serious training to get this old girl in “good enough” shape to NOT DIE on the course. I inspired a friend to join me. I even inspired Big Guy to and his friend to come along, which was great  because I needed someone to know where they buried my body. So I terrorized the neighbourhood children by “jogging” and terrorized my family by exercising and weight lifting at home.

Obviously I survived the ordeal. I managed to turn the epic tale into a series: Mud Hero (Part I to IV, Mud Hero Finale, & why mud hero was a big deal to me). Every year since, I feel motivated to try again, but the feeling quickly passes.

Today’s tune was one of the songs that helped motivate me to stop waiting for excitement in life and to go for it!

It’s Friday – what are you waiting for? Stop reading this post, click “like”, tell me what you’re up to, and go do it!! Happy Weekend.

Lyrics                             Youtube

Afterlife, Jon Foreman / Tim Foreman  © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, The Bicycle Music Company

 

Gaming for Seniors

Tags

games, humour, midlife crisis, video games

As a parent, I normally take great pride in my children’s accomplishments. I’m pretty sure it’s a written rule somewhere in The Parenting Handbook…which was buried centuries ago on Oak Island. But I’m competitive too, and that’s not always a good thing. Especially when those accomplishments overlap. I’m pretty sure there’s also something in that handbook about being a gracious loser, and I am. Or at least I try really hard to be. We all have our moments of parenting fails, and that’s when we have to admit our mistakes and trust our kids are gracious with us.

Don’t worry – I’m not writing about a parenting fail. At least, not right now.

It’s no secret I like video games. The obsession interest took shape just before Big Guy moved out. He got me hooked on Guitar Hero. And since his Xbox 360 went with him, he conspired with Hubby to give me my very own. I’ve wasted hours of my life since.

Unlike Little Guy, I’m not obsessed with earning all the trophies and racing through the levels. I try to enjoy the journey. Until I get stuck and force one of my kids to get me over the hump. I’ve helped them through a few too, but at an ever decreasing rate. Worse, I’m at a higher level than both of them, but can’t seem to kill it quite the same way. And the algorithm groups me with players who are levels below me.

It can be frustrating!

In the Summer, after a particularly brutal game of Monopoly, I felt conflicted, so I wrestled through this question: When did my kids get better at everything than me (leaving me feeling like a washed up loser who is ready to sit in a senior centre and weave baskets while singing Kum Ba Ya)?

An aging gamer, Theo Karasavvas described gaming in his younger days as “breathing…then all of a sudden, after thousands of hours spent playing across genres and platforms, boredom hit me hard for the first time”. He assumed he need only find a different game to stimulate his interest once again. He also blamed more responsibilities and stress in life for ruining his appetite. But is his reasoning completely accurate?

Sure, our appetites changes as we grow older, but (sometimes sadly) so do other things. Like our priorities, our sense of accomplishment changes too. High scores pale compared to a lower body mass index, especially as muffins tops sprout exponentially with every decade.

The desire to compete also decreases with age. The core gaming market targets 18-30 year olds. Many of the first-person shooter-style games, like my favorites, Halo & Overwatch, take time to develop skills. Older gamers simply don’t want to invest that amount of time, and prefer slower-paced, or solo games.

And who can forget that our bodies and brains are slowing down with every passing birthday! We tend to buy into the lie that we can’t keep up with our younger counterparts and our struggles become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sometimes we can’t keep up, but gaming continue to have benefits as we age.  There are a number of reasons why I play video games. And as long as my kids don’t mind if I sometimes slow them down, I’m going to keep playing. This “senior gamer” prefers to call it – leveling up!

Happy weekend!

The Golden Touch

Tags

hair, haircuts, humour, little old ladies, midlife crisis

Spring has sprung, and I have no longer lost my will to live…outside of the confines of my warm bed. Another inevitable year has passed, so I decided it was time to kick-start my midlife crisis again, before I’m starting my golden years.

When I start my golden years, however, I don’t intend to be like the “lady” I met today on my commute home from work. She was in a pretty ordinary blue sedan, and crawling along at 40 km/hr in a 70 km/hr.  I waved a couple times, as if shooshing a fly, and then I changed lanes to pass her. No biggie! As I passed her, I glanced over to see who was driving. Was the driver new? 112 years old? That’s when this well-healed, mature woman with white hair and Jackie O sunglasses, gave me the finger. I didn’t tailgate or peep the horn. I didn’t gesture in any rude manner, or swerve around her like a crazy person. I may become a sassy old broad who intentionally crosses at a crosswalk slowly out of spite, but that was just rude!

So back to my midlife crisis… Every stereotypical cartoon old lady either has silver hair or blue hair. So naturally, I had to choose one or the other. Flip a coin (and consult my hair stylist)!

My stylist’s last name is Golden, so I can now say, I’ve received “The Golden Touch”!  Time to start planning some adventures for this year! Any suggestions?

Happy Wednesday!

Losing Focus

Tags

faith, midlife crisis

“I’m tired. I’m distracted. I’m disappointed in myself. I feel slightly used and more than slightly used up. I’m a little overwhelmed and a lot worn down” – Lysa Terkeurst.

“I want more.

I’m not a quitter, but I’m just not sure what to do next. What do I keep? What do I relinquish? What gives me pleasure? What gives God pleasure? I’m not afraid to work hard, to sacrifice much, to push through boundaries. But I often feel like I have nothing left to give. I want more than this. I want joy. I want purpose. I want unbroken companionship with my Father.

I’ve heard well-meaning people spout how Jesus can change us. He can, I confidently believe He can! But these well-meaning people ignore our part in it. Our desire to be changed; our willingness to seek it. Instead , we allow a culture of fear and blame, regret and shame dictate our actions. Or inaction. We view a holding pattern as faithfulness, when it’s faithlessness. I feel pressured to “hold the fort” or “tow the party line”, but it feel just as meaningless as those cliches. I want more. I want to step out in faith. I want to take risks, even if the risk means getting hurt. I want to be truly transformed into the image of Christ.

But what is my part in this?

It was easier to find peace on vacation. I can see why authors often seclude themselves away. It’s easier to wrestle with deep questions on the edge of a dock, than at the dining table at home. Out there, I had no telephones jarring me from my revelry. There were no worries about how my house looked should an unexpected guest arrive on the doorstep. Our needs were small; our meals were simple. It’s harder to reclaim that sense of peace when I’m likely to be interrupted by someone who can’t find the t.p. or who wants to know at what time they expect food to be ready so they can fill their pie-holes. At home and work, the lists are longer, the expectations higher, the deadlines shorter and I’m expected to do it all with a smile on my face. Life strips any sense of significance and joy….but only if I let it.”

“The lives we live determine how we live our souls.” – Lysa Terkeurst

***

I wrote these words last Summer as I sat reading the book, “The Best Yes” and pondering  how it related to me. A book, I should mention, that I have yet to finish. And while I certainly feel more peaceful than I did then, I can still sense the same heartache, or hunger, just below the surface.

I began this year excited to have a “word”, a verb to make my own: Focus. But I find I’m still struggling to focus on anything. My to-do lists are endless. I feel like I am always looking ahead to what has to be done in order to get through the next day, the focus on surviving to the weekend when I can steal a day at home. But weekends become days to catch up on what didn’t get done, and to compile a whole new list of tasks. I’m too tired to enjoy what little down time I have. I’m pretty sure most of you are nodding your head in agreement right now?

It’s not supposed to be this way.

I know I’m an adult; adults have responsibilities. But it wasn’t that much easier when I was younger, and I’ve never struggled so much with focus before. I started saving for a trip to Europe when I was 8. In high school, I quit figure skating so I could focus on my studies and get into university. Life took a detour, so I went to college instead. Twice. I focused on high grades so I could get a good job and support my son. I focused on being a good mom and a loving wife (I still do). So where do I go from here?

***

I’ve wrestled with these thoughts for weeks now, hoping that by writing it out, I would discover and seize upon a tangible path. Maybe I even secretly hoped I would have a brilliant, positive, inspiring conclusion, just like a one hour drama on tv. If only it were that simple. Instead, I’m just going to continue to focus on finding joy in the “opera of the every day”, and see what the future brings. And maybe focus on finishing that book!!

Never despise the mundane. Embrace it. Unwrap it like gift. And be one of the rare few who looks deeper than just the surface. See something in the every day.
– Lysa Terkeurst

Have a happy weekend!

Secretary with a …

Tags

games, humour, midlife crisis

Dolly Parton, in 9 to 5, was a secretary with huge assets. Donna from Suits was a secretary with a can opener. Even the assistant in Dilbert has a crossbow. So what’s my “secretary with a …”?

This week we discovered that it could be… Secretary with an Axe!

I went from being the worst in the pack at the beginning…regularly missing the target completely, or bouncing it off the wooden cookie…to fighting my way through 3 grueling rounds in the winning Round 2 of “The Championship”!

Not only did I get a bullseye…in the course of the afternoon, I got 10! Only 2 were in a row.

I won a t-shirt, which I wore the very next. It sparked a conversation with some construction workers at Tim’s that made me laugh. Never underestimate short people!

It required focus and a great desire to just have fun! One more thing to knock off my Mid-Life Crisis list! Secretary with an Axe. It does have a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Happy Weekend!

It’s the Weekend

Tags

humour, midlife crisis

I can almost feel myself losing weight. Oh, not the kind that is bunching up around my hips and around my bra straps. Or my chin. Or arms. Or…well, you get the picture! I’m talking about the mental weight of worrying about stupid things, like,

• Where am I going to live when I get old? After all the Halloween costumes and school projects I’ve helped cobble together for 2 boys (who didn’t attend school concurrently), I can probably cobble together something with cardboard, duct tape and plastic grocery bags. Big Guy has a balcony – if I sleep standing up, I’ll be fine.
• When am I going to have time to finish this project, renovate that room, or buy lettuce at the grocery store? It doesn’t matter. No one has died because I never finished crocheting that tablecloth. No one is losing sleep because their bedroom is yellow instead of blue. And no one has starved to death on my watch. If I focus on the most important things, they will get done. And some that are left until later, or perhaps never done at all, probably won’t be remembered. The time spent with friends and family will be.
• Will there be photos of me on display one day at my funeral, where I look like the Marshmallow Stay Puft guy from Ghost Busters? Yes. I just won’t ever purchase a sailor suit. I’m doing my best to keep my weight down (but it keeps bringing new friends to the party)!
• Who is going to change my diapers when I get old? I’ll probably be in them long before I’m old and research suggests that after only 21 days, you can form a habit. By the time I’m old, I’ll be functioning on muscle memory and it won’t be an issue. Unless I’m on Big Guy’s balcony.
• What will happen if I lose my job? Since an alternative career option has presented itself twice already, there’s a good chance it will happen again. Or I can work at McDonald’s. Even completely senile I am confident that I could do a better job, with a smile on my face.
• When will I die? Who cares?!?! Every day is a gift! You’re still breathing right? So grab Henry (O Henry) and get out there! Maybe get dressed first.

It’s the weekend-make it a good one! I’m already way ahead of you!

7 Signs of a MLC?

Tags

humour, midlife crisis

Author Laura Kemp was featured in The Telegraph today for her piece on having a Mummy Midlife Crisis. As it turns out, as of today, I’ve been a Mom for 28 years (assuming we aren’t also counting the 9 months of heartburn, weight gain and sleepless nights while someone partied). I’m sure if I thought about it, I could come up with way more than her 7 signs of a Mummy Midlife Crisis, but since it’s Friday and it’s been another incredible week of mayhem (plus I have a chocolate birthday cake to assemble), I’m just going to “go with the flow” and see if I fit in.

1. Savage haircut (after multiple discussions and agonizing with the question: is long hair ageing.) Hmm…

Check!

2. Intense exercise. I’m assuming this is to lose the “baby weight” (which you know is no longer linked to a baby but to baby-sized bags of potato chips). Hmm…

Check!

3. Go potty for crafts. Hmm… became a Stampin’ Up! representative. Currently looking up  on Pinterest and sewing “geeky” Christmas decorations.

Check!

4. New friends through social media. Laura calls it “banter, chit-chat, thought-provoking threads and funny pictures of cats, which frankly, is better than what your real life friend moaned about over coffee this morning”. Hmm…

jennsmidlifecrisis.wordpress.com

Check!

5. An unprecedented interest in world affairs. Nope!! Not world affairs, but if I can watch someone renovate their home, renovate their hot rod, or renovate their wardrobe, I’m in!

6. Getting a dog. Close enough?

Check!

7. Caring about winter boots. Or “fashion has re-entered our lives”. Hmm…

Where I Stand: Somewhere between 41 and 42

Wearing a Favourite: “To wear dreams on one’s feet is to begin to give reality to one’s dreams.” – Roger Vivier

Where I Stand

Check!

Laura writes, “The mummy midlife crisis is about working out where you go next. And not giving two hoots if you look foolish doing it.” Do I like the way she thinks?

Check!

Happy Weekend!

 

A Faulty Filter

Tags

humour, midlife crisis

It seems lately that the older I get, the filter between my brain and my mouth gets stretched thinner, like the waistband of my underwear. (I really should have bought some for me when I bought some for everyone else). Basically –

Like last week. As I rushed from the grocery store, a middle-aged couple in a shiny new white BMW pulled into an empty handicapped parking space by the front door. There was no handicap sticker on their vehicle, as required by law, and both appeared to be perfectly physically fit. There were plenty of empty spaces available in the lot, and only a few extra feet away.

I said –

“Oh, I’m sorry for staring but I don’t often get to see people who are so above the law that they can park wherever they please…”Really? What’s my problem? You’re my problem. You don’t have a handicap sticker in your vehicle, and there are plenty of other spaces to choose. You’re taking a space from someone who needs it. I don’t know if you can manage to pay the very expensive fine if you leave your car there, but you certainly look like you can manage those extra steps from that space, right there, to the store.”

– to myself as I climbed in my car, after I rolled my eyes walking past. I ranted all the way home, all the things I wish I had said.

What gives? Sometimes I bite my tongue and I don’t open my mouth, at great risk of personal harm. But other times I’m sneering sarcastically under my breath, or flat out ranting like a lunatic. Whatever the cause, it’s not always a good thing when my brain filter fails and my mouth just assumes it’s ok to say it! It’s awkward, not to mention completely against my upbringing.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (Matthew 5:9)

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. (Proverbs 15:1)

…the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.  The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. (James 3:5-6)

I’m already on fire, thanks to the raging inferno of my dying youth. So while I’m developing a thicker skin (and a muffin top), my “filter” is getting thinner. It’s isn’t fair!

One would think that as one matures, one would develop greater self-control. My self-confidence has grown exponentially; I’m increasingly less concerned with what people think of me (humour me!) but this overconfident, run-off-at-the-mouth-like-a-soup-sandwich-style sarcasm is going to land me in serious trouble one day.

I want to be a nice person. I used to be more like Laura Ingalls Wilder – sweet and wholesome – but lately all I want to do is use my braids to choke the next person who annoys me. Which is everyone. Apparently.

Please consider this a forewarning of what may prove to be a growing, embarrassing problem (right up there with pantyhose hanging out my pant leg and forgetting what I went upstairs to get).

So, to the people who tolerate me on a regular basis, I’m sorry…you are the real heroes! I hope you have a good weekend!

To everyone else…I’m just going to bite my tongue.

***

*Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

WPC: Transformation (Empty Nest)

Tags

empty nest, midlife crisis, Photo Challenge, photography, Weekly Photo Challenge

Transformation can be good. Transformation means maturity, knowledge, beginnings. Transformation can also mean endings. And it’s important to acknowledge both. So here I am – half-way to an empty nest. Big Guy moved out nearly 6 years ago. This weekend, Little Guy turns 12! I wouldn’t change the journey.  Awhile back I reflected on who I am now, and who I’m becoming, and (shockingly) I’m becoming more comfortable in my own skin. My “nest” is becoming empty, but my heart…my heart is full.

Happy Weekend!

To see more Transformations, click here.