6th Annual Contest of Whatever

Tags

CoW, humour, lingerie, squirrels

Every year, Evil Squirrel hosts the Annual Contest of Whatever. It is a contest that requires mad artistic flair and…well, that’s pretty much it. And usually a requirement or two, which this year was this: “A squirrel walks into a bar”. Little Guy and I won the random draw for our entry 2 years ago. So without further ado, here is our entry for the 6th Annual Contest of Whatever…

* * *

One day….

…a dyslexic squirrel…

…walks into a bra….

 

 

 

 

 

The End.

Happy Tuesday!

Disclaimer: No squirrel was harmed in the making of this unusual blog post. In fact, he was handsomely compensated for his acting debut. The only thing that was harmed was my frying pan, when I neglected it briefly, scorching dinner (which Hubby ate anyway). Hubby was compensated with homemade chocolate chip cookies.

Humiliation

Tags

fashion, humiliation, humour, lingerie

Avoiding humiliation is the core of tragedy and comedy. John Guare

There’s no way around it! Shopping for undergarments is always a humiliating experience. From trying to judge the correct size inconspicuously on the sales floor, to stripping down in those tiny cubicles, to trying to squeeze into said item…and sometimes getting stuck. There’s nothing inspiring about your reflection under the harsh lighting. You look more like a ripe Anju pear with one arm, squatting awkwardly with one the arm flailing aimlessly over your head, your body trapped in a mini dress with a size tag double what you tried on the last time!

 Humiliation!

 So whatever possessed me to try on a “slimming garment”? Was it the sleek lines it promised? The price on the tag? Or the brand name? I think it was mostly the brand name: Marilyn Monroe. And it whispered to me. Marilyn was sexy with real lady curves, and men still have dreams about bringing her home to meet Mom. I instantly flashforwarded to a slimmer, trimmer me in a little black dress, batting my lashes over a cocktail, with a row of men adoring drooling on my feet.

Which is weird.

 When and where would I ever have the occasion to wear a little black dress, much less drink a cocktail!?! As for men, I have one, and quite honestly, one is enough!

 But…I do have a little black dress, and should I ever have the occasion to wear it, like a high school reunion (that I wouldn’t attend anyway), I should be prepared.

 I carefully read the label. Twice. I didn’t want to humiliate myself after all!

 According to the label, based on my bust size and hip size, I should be a size small. Hmmm….Though my rib cage is only 30”, not 36” as listed, I knew I’d take it up…elsewhere! Right? Typically bras under  32” only come in A cups and I’m way, way past the beginning of the alphabet. As for waist size, it was a few inches over where I am so I surmised this was a reasonable estimate.  Can you see where this is going?

 I handed the garment over to the perky 12 year old at the change room counter and blushing, followed her to the back. The curtain scraped, “sheesh”, as I closed it. Even the walls were skeptical, and don’t get me started on the lighting. I stripped down…winter coat, winter boots, sweater, pants.  And I paused, staring at my reflection, with an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. There seemed to be more of me staring back than this morning. I’m certain of it.

 Bracing myself, I inhaled the aromas from Cinnabon (conveniently located right outside the store), mixed with stale sweat from past patrons’ efforts to release their overheating bodies from designer brand names (that made unbelievable promises).  And I took the plunge.

 I slipped my feet into the head hole and slid that black stretchy hot number all the way up…to my knees, where is clung to me like a snotty 2 year old! I pulled, I wiggled, I heaved. I pleaded silently. I started sweating profusely and turning red in splotches. But it held on like a vise. It took several efforts to peel it off and I stood there, holding it up in front of me, and I thought:

 “I would like to see the girl who thinks she needs this, who can actually wear it…and I need to feed her”!

Of course this isn’t me! There’s a reason this post is called “humiliation”! 🙂

Happy Weekend!

‘Struggle’ is just another word for growth. – Elle Sommer

“Crazy Shot” Lingerie

Tags

fashion, humour, lingerie, shoes

I made the mistake a few years ago, during a low point, of telling Hubby not to bother buying me any more lingerie and I cleared out most of my drawer. I figured he’d already bought the cow and quite frankly, “the old gray mare, she ain’t what she used to be”. And then I reconsidered and added it back on my birthday/Christmas list. My drawer remains empty…(except for the black bustier I shared with the ladies of Morning Break…and one pastor. To read why, click here).

Since I had half an hour to kill before I picked Little Guy up from camp last night, I stopped in at a new lingerie store. The store name is in French, and if you remove the last 3 letters, it translates to “crazy shot”…and there was something crazy going on inside!

The first thing I noticed was the delicate scent of lavender. Next was the eye candy, shimmering pastel confections with lace and bows. Many of the items were hung on sequined hangers that sparkled like disco balls in the soft, warm light. There was even a white couch facing the dressing room, embellished with lacy and feathery pillows to provide a special someone a private viewing perch. There wasn’t a hint of skank anywhere, just elegance and class…

I gravitated (slowly so as not to be too conspicuous) to the rack on the back wall subtly marked 70% off. It was mostly soft cotton and lace pajamas. I peeked at the price of a simple navy & white striped chemise made of cotton knit….$175.00…and I struggled to not belt out “Are you freaking kidding me?” I can buy an oversized knit T-shirt at Wal-Mart for under $5. Sure, it’s not sexy but I won’t have to put a second mortgage on my house so I can sleep comfortably in the summer.

Obviously, I was not going to be making any purchases today. Slightly disappointed, but not undaunted, I moved across the aisle to the next rack, and not wanting to give the impression that my jaw was dragging on the floor in shock, I picked up a bustier with matching panties. It had solid creamy satin cups edged with pale pink ribbon rosebuds. The body of it was made with delicate, almost ethereal cream lace, and the bottom was a scalloped edge of satin. Perfection! The matching panties were also cream satin and about the size of a postage stamp. “Are you freaking kidding me?” I wanted to scream. It was $450.00. I wanted to ask if the boning came from an actual whale, slaughtered by a blonde Bunny, and deboned in the North Atlantic Sea.

I strolled nonchalantly to the front door, smiled sweetly at the lady at the counter (who thankfully was busy chatting with a buxom broad this whole time), and slipped out the door to my car, where I burst out laughing. Why was it so expensive? The satin was the same polyester blend that I find at the department store. I used to choke at their prices, finding it difficult to justify spending more than $20 on something that I sleep in (and often can’t wear in front of my family – they’ve been scarred enough). I understand that “true” lingerie (as opposed to the mass-produced ready-to-wear variety) is more expensive because they are using a higher quality of fabrics and laces. I wear expensive bras (mostly because I can’t buy my size off the rack). Thanks to gravity, bras need to be well-constructed to provide adequate support. Not only that, but the shape and contours of women’s bodies are not cookie-cutter, so companies are continually experimenting with different cuts and forms to provide support and comfort. But $450!?!? Just imagine how many pairs of fabulous shoes I could buy with that kind of cash…and I can wear them outside the boudoir! Now that’s a wise investment.

Hubby suggested the prices were high based on the location of the store. However, it’s in a strip mall…two doors to the left is a Hockey Lion store, and two doors to the right is a Convenience Store. Hmm…I’m not convinced. But I am convinced that there are women out there with way too much money and who may just be dumb enough to think that if they pay these exorbitant prices, they are collecting something valuable. Perhaps she doesn’t realize that she needs to search from within to find beauty, something far more valuable than a $300 nightgown. I believe a woman with a loving heart and a gentle spirit can look exquisite in a $20 nightgown, and if she is with the right guy, he’ll be blown away by her.

I don’t know how I went from being blow away by exorbitant prices to being blown away by that last statement. Maybe it’s a deeper truth that we all need to remember…it isn’t the price of the gown, or the fabric or label…it really is about what’s inside…and that’s not crazy!

 

Downtown Bra Boutique

Tags

bras, corsets, family, fashion, humour, lingerie, shopping

Petula Clark sang “When you’re alone and life is making you lonely / You can always go downtown / When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry / Seems to help, I know, downtown” That’s what my Mom and I did Friday afternoon – we went downtown. Now “downtown” in this small town doesn’t consist of much, but there were a couple of new stores that we wanted to try out, and there’s safety in numbers…

One of the stores was a bra boutique. It’s easier to forget your worries when you’re surrounded by pretty things…except if you’re a girl with ample curvatures…then it can be cause for big tears.  Most of the time, those pretty pieces cater toward smaller cup sizes, and if you have an ample rack, you’re options are limited to big beige “over the shoulder-boulder-holders” with enough elastic to bridle a horse.  Some of these devices of mass restriction include padded pillows to bolster God gave you, but I don’t want to put someone’s eye out. Forget femininity and comfort – it’s all about functionality! Department stores carry the common sizes – A to D…the higher the cup size, the larger the rib cage measurement. That means for my size (sorry – not sharing), the rib cage measurement starts 6″ too big. This helps explain the endless “years of tears” until I figured that all out!

It could have been worse – I could have been shopping for what was the height of sophistication, as advertized in the 1901 Delineator magazine!

 The original push-up bra (with before and after pics)!!

“The Air Bust Form gives grace, health and style to any lady.”

Armor Side Corsets “Never Breaks Down on the Sides” 

“The latest in Parisian fashion. Only $1.00.”

Henderson Straight Front Corset

“$1.00. Sizes 18 to 26. Available in white, black, and drab.”

Royal Worchester & Bonton

“Finest in the World, Straight Front, Gored (if you sat down, something might just gore you”)”

To make a long story short (in case there are still guys reading)…there were tears…of joy! I left that store with 3 new purchases. ALL of them were pretty. NONE of them were beige! Miracles do Happen!

Life is a Battlefield

Tags

Bible, faith, fashion, food, humour, lingerie, shoes

Today is the day that I am sharing at  Morning Break, from the final chapter in the book, My Big Bottom Blessing by Teasi Cannon (sorry – it’s kinda long…) Wish me luck!

***

Do you know what it’s like when you’re scared to see yourself?
Do you know what it’s like when you wish you were someone else?
Who didn’t need your help to get by; Do you know what it’s like, to wanna surrender?

Do you know what it’s like when you’re not who you wanna be?
Do you know what it’s like to be your own worst enemy?
Who sees the things in me I can’t hide; Do you know what it’s like to wanna surrender?

I don’t wanna feel like this tomorrow, I don’t wanna live like this today!
Make me feel better! I wanna feel better!
Stay with me here now, and never surrender!

Never Surrender by Skillet

When you’re smothering in self-loathing, insecurity, and untreated wounds, Life is a Battlefield! When you’re in the grocery store, does O Henry call your name? Does that size 00 Mom with 3 behaving children make you want to crawl under your cart? Do you obsessively read the headlines on the magazines at the check out counter, praying for a miracle like, I don’t know, “Lose 20 pounds Instantly by Breathing Right”?

At home, we have television shows like The Biggest Loser (a play on words?) or ads like the new Kardashian Glow Tanning Product – in less than 30 seconds I found out that a tan is something every girl wants; it makes me look skinnier, it makes me look better and 10 lbs thinner; when I’m pale I will feel a little bit heavier and less like myself…that glowy feeling will make me feel better and thinner. Barf!

Do you have an intimate relationship with bathroom scales? And don’t forget the bedroom [hold up flimsy lingerie]…please!

We are surrounded on the outside. And inside, too…humiliating experiences, damaged relationships, taunting voices, and open wounds. And our biggest enemy, Satan, knows just how to twist it all to his advantage.

Many battles have been won or lost in the pursuit of acquiring land…and once it has been won, the winning side better not lay down their weapons or they may just lose what they’ve gained. It’s the same when it comes to our emotional and spiritual territory, and Satan is a sore loser. His power can only hold us when we let it. He can certainly be called the god of this age, but he is not God! He is not omnipotent (all-knowing) or omnipresent (everywhere at once)…in fact, he is a created being just like you and me.

Jesus warned us that we’d have trouble in our lives, and that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph.6:12). But Jesus also promised to never leave us nor forsake us, and we are to “take heart” because He has “overcome the world”. We aren’t helpless victims. We can know God’s truth about who we are and how much we are loved. God’s truth is a weapon with more than enough power to protect and to heal our hearts. It is the light that expels our shame, and reveals the things that keep us captive in self-defeating cycles. It can teach us God’s definition of beauty – a body and a voice that glorifies God by using the gifts He has given us, a body and a voice that cares the weak and the wounded, a body and a voice that enjoys fellowship with others, and most importantly, with God.

I’ve put together 4 “practical” steps:
1) Be honest with God…share your hurts and your insecurities with Him, and ask for help to overcome. Our first reaction when we have a wound is to cover it with our hand. It is only when someone we trust comes to us with a bandage that we are willing to take our hand away and let them clean and dress the wound.
2) “The Name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe”. (Prov. 18:10) When you feel that familiar sting, or hear that familiar voice, when you feel yourself starting to spiral into a self-destructive “pity party” – RUN to God. Don’t walk!
3) Be intentional about identifying and shutting out those things or situations you know influence the voices in our heads. That may simply mean changing the TV channel or it may mean some hard work to re-decorate the wallpaper in your mind.
4) Suit up! Put on the full armour of God every day!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. (Eph. 6:10-18)

Did you catch all that? OK, quick visual review:

Armour of God

1) Belt of Truth – holds everything securely…so you’re never caught with your pants down!

2) Breastplate of Righteousness – just as this garment disguises what you might be…ahem…lacking (thank you push-up technology), our spiritual breastplate hides what we lack in righteousness. When we accepted Christ as our Saviour, His righteousness became our own (1 Cor. 1:30)

Once our upper body is taken care of…

3) Slip your feet into a confidence-boosting pair of heels, the shoes of peace (move over Prada) and boldly take the good news anywhere God leads you, fearing nothing. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (or fear); but a spirit of power, of love, and of discipline (or a sound mind). 1 Tim. 1:7

4) Grab your purse, your shield of faith. We don’t want a cute clutch here; we want the biggest and sturdiest purse we can find because it may have to take a few bullets. Our shield of faith grows larger as we study God’s Word and experience more of Him in our lives.

5) And since we will never leave the house without checking our hair first, grab your can of hairspray to affix your helmet of salvation. This divine accessory declares to our enemy that we forever belong to God because we were bought at a high price through Christ on the cross.

6) And last, but not least, grab your Bible and your lipstick – they go together! Our lips need to be luscious because they have work to do – they’ve got to proclaim the Word of God. It’s our only offensive weapon, our sword of the Spirit and it needs to be sharp. Our enemy can’t read our minds, so we need to tell him verbally to “back off”, out loud, even if you’re the only one in the room. Even if you’re not!

7) And pray in the Spirit, with all kinds of prayers and requests. Be alert!

We can win our battles and hold our ground, not by focusing on our enemy, but by focusing on God. God has given us everything we need to run to the finish line, to not only stop reacting the way the enemy wants us to react, but to also react the way God wants us to. Yes, there will be days when we will be overcome, tricked, retreating…thank you God that Your “mercies are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness”. (Lam. 3:23). I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to settle for anything less than God’s best for me. I want to live an adventure for my King. I don’t want to listen to lies anymore – there have already been too many scars and missed opportunities. I almost missed out on this incredible adventure, serving as part of the team who organizes Morning Break, because I was letting my insecurities get the better of me. I asked God what He thought He was doing? Didn’t He know I didn’t have the ability to do this? God graciously put me in my place…He asked me, “what did you think I was doing the past 5 years when you were home with your little boy, and your only “me” time was reading My Word? You asked me for adventure…getting to know Me was only the beginning of the adventure!” He led me to Scripture that showed me where I was 5 years ago…and where I have grown –I’m just going to share 2 verses, because every time I am tempted to say “God, what are you doing? I don’t have the ability to do …”, this is my prayer!

“But all who are hunting for you – oh, let them sing and be happy. Let those who know what you’re all about tell the world you’re great and not quitting. And me? I’m a mess. I’m nothing and have nothing: make something of me. You can do it; you’ve got what it takes- but God, don’t put it off”. [Ps. 40:16-17 MSG]

I don’t wanna feel like this tomorrow, I don’t wanna live like this today!
Make me feel better! God, I wanna feel better! Stay with me here now, and never surrender!

Closet Psychology: Lingerie and Shoes

Tags

closet psychology, fashion, humour, lingerie, midlife crisis, shoes

After a long, brisk walk, and with fear and trepidation, I started the daunting task of cleaning out my closet! What secrets will it reveal?

My closet is 7′ 4″ x 3′ 2″, with a clothes bar on either side. One side hosts my “winter” wear and one side hosts my “summer wear”. When I redecorated my bedroom a few years ago, I discovered that my big dresser fit along the back of the closet, which had been wasted space. There are overhead 2 shelves that run on all 3 walls of the closet, but I use those for books, miscellaneous knick-knacks, and 2 white paper bags, one with scarves and one with hair clips and nail polish. I also have another small dresser with 3 drawers in my bedroom. When the mess becomes too much to look at, I can close the white cotton curtains that act as my closet door!

I decided to start with the easy stuff…socks, underwear, lingerie and bathing suits…anything that was stretched out, full of holes, transparent, ripped, too tight or too small, went out either in the garbage or the give-away box! Those drawers are now practically empty!

Next step, shoes… since I was literally tripping over a few while I was trying to work! I love this discussion between 2 sisters in the movie, “In Her Shoes”:

Maggie: Shoes like these should not be locked in a closet! They should be living a life of scandal, and passion…Look, if you’re not going to wear them… don’t buy them! Leave them for someone who’s going to get something out of them.
Rose: I get something out of them! When I feel bad I like to treat myself. Clothes never look any good… food just makes me fatter… shoes always fit.

I have 2 pairs of winter boots, one of which I’ve nicknamed my “Cameron Diaz” boots. Maybe I saw a picture of her in a similar pair? I don’t know. It’s the only “wedge heel” I own, and I feel like I look good in them with my skinny jeans. I have 3 pairs of sandals and 2 pairs of flip-flops for the summer! I even have the shoes I wore on my wedding day almost 16 years ago. With the exception of my red heels, an indulgence I finally I gave into after several years of deliberation, all of my heels are low, plain, and neutral: cream, navy, black, brown…

In other words practical, reliable, and dull. Yup – that’s a pretty apt description…but does the addition of my red heels mean that I’m more willing to take risk, more willing to stand out in the crowd? Am I embracing a sassier side? Could be! I also have 2 pairs of boots which were a step beyond the usual. First, a tall black pair of boots that I nicknamed my “hooker boots” (keep in mind the words “dull, boring and wall-flower”) and the green sassy boots that inspired my mid-life crisis. They were a wild purchase for me, and frankly, I’m hoping to embrace that wilder side.

Now for the rest of my wardrobe…

Reference:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388125/

An Education in Lingerie

Tags

fashion, humour, lingerie, shopping

Earlier this week I alluded to “an education” in lingerie. Perhaps I should explain.

After graduating from a 3 year program in Child and Youth Counselling, I couldn’t find a job in the Social Service field. The government was cutting back funding, and the city’s services were amalgamating, which meant I was competing against experienced CYC’s. I finally secured a part-time job in a reputable retail lingerie chain.

I was a small town girl…and the neighbouring city was very mild compared to the city I live near now! So my shocking “education” then, pales in comparison to what I’ve since seen and learned. I was pretty naïve and sheltered then, so my experience with lingerie was this:

Underwear: functional granny bra and panties
Sleepwear: cotton or flannel nighties, used for sleeping
Slips & Camisoles – for wearing under your church clothes

I was now entering the world of bustiers and fishnet stockings – lace, sheer, satin, silk & feathers. There was a wide variety of items for sale, and not all were tawdry. But there was a “wall of bras” in more shapes, styles and colours than I had ever seen, plus 2 tables of bras, and 4 tables of underwear. I didn’t know about thongs…for women or men! I quickly learned that it was not professional to handle such garments by holding them as far from my body as possible, with one finger, while trying to conceal an expression of shock and confusion on my face.

It was also my first experience with men shopping! There were three kinds of shoppers. First, there were the minority of guys who were very comfortable in the store, who knew they wanted for their wives or girlfriends (I didn’t ask questions). Then there were those with red faces and “deer in the head light” expressions, stammering incomplete answers, eyes flicking nervously at the door. I think if I’d made a sudden move, they would have darted, screaming, from the store. And finally, there were the guys who were in between…they had some idea what they were looking for, but had no idea what size to buy. Bring home a size too small, they could save themselves by saying “you look that size to me”, but if they brought home a size too big…it could spell disaster! Sad, but true. So instead, they would eye me up and down, hemming and hawing, and gesturing hip and breast size comparisons with their hands.

It was also the first time I talked to a man on the phone who wondered if he would be served in the store, and if he would be permitted to try on women’s lingerie in the dressing room. While it was a surprise to this “prim and proper girl”, and my co-workers were all “a-twitter”, I felt compassion for this man. He sounded wounded and lonely. I even risked giving him my first name, so that he could ask for me, and I would serve him with the same respect that I served my other customers. I don’t know if he ever did come in, but I hope I made him smile that day.

I worked in that store for 5 months and I really liked it. I even became the full-time stockroom clerk with an assistant, over the Christmas season, because the manager knew I could be trusted to work hard and stay organized. But after 5 months, I was laid off. The reasoning was unjust; the experience was painful. But looking back, I think it was God’s way of pulling me on to something better. I would have been tempted to stay at that job for a long time…it was safe and secure. But while it was a fun job (most days), it wasn’t moving me toward independence from my parents or a way to support myself and my son. I had worked too hard to finish high school and college to make a “good life” for us. As it turned out, I went on to more education, both in college and in the BIG city. I can now pick hookers out of a crowd, I’ve been “felt-up” on the subway, I’ve acted in a national TV commercial, I’ve witnessed an armed bank robbery, and so much more!

An Uplifting Experience

Tags

fashion, lingerie, shopping

For any gentlemen reading my blog today, I have to put in a disclaimer. Every February I go for my annual bra fitting…and if all goes well today, that’s where I’m headed after my Dr’s appointment. I’m going to talk about it. So, unless you want a little education on the matter (and I promise I will keep it clean) – stop reading now!

For years (starting in Grade 5), I have struggled to find a comfortable bra. When you’re young, you want something pretty…but when you are “well endowed”, pretty isn’t practical. I cannot count the number of times that I have left the lingerie department in tears because I simply couldn’t find something I liked. I even worked in a lingerie store for several months (and learned some things I wish I could unlearn), and I learned how to properly fit bras, but never found a magic trick that worked for me. In fact, 75-80% of women are wearing the wrong size!

I finally broke down and went with a friend for a proper bra fitting. Lo! And behold! The issue was that I am not a standard, “off the rack” kind of girl. I was off by 6″ around the band (too big), and 4 cup sizes (too small)! No wonder I was always fidgeting! I was totally amazed at how knowledgeable these women were. After being measured, I was brought 5 different bras to try on. I put on the first one, the consultant checked it and could determine from there what might work best. She’d leave the dressing room, taking 2-3 of the bras she brought me (and I hadn’t yet tried on) and she’d return with a few more. In 20 minutes or less, I had a bra that fit like a dream!

I have noticed improvements in how I look when I’m dressed, in how I feel (fewer back and shoulder issues), and I’m sure in how I present myself in public (how embarrassing)! I go every year now because, let’s face it, my body is not the same size it used to be…and I’m sure it’s in for more changes! I know it costs more, but the return is SO worth it! If you don’t want to spend a lot or you’re too embarrassed, get a friend to help you. But honestly, a proper consultant is like a Dr….do you really think you have something they haven’t already seen?!?

For more information, check out http://www.007b.com/bra-fitting.php or conduct your own internet! So worth it!

Sexy pjs, Chocolate and Diamonds – Oh My!

Tags

chocolate, family, humour, lingerie

This started off as a bit of a joke. As a new blogger, I am constantly checking my stats to see how many people read my blog each day. I just wanted to see if the number of individuals clicking on my blog jumped with those few words in the title. I try not to let the numbers dictate how encouraged or discouraged I feel…after all, I started this for a whole lot of other reasons, one of which is to just have fun! But some of my most popular blogs came from my one entry on sexy pjs and my few references to chocolate…so I had to try it! Maybe I’m just feeling mischievous today!

But I can also ask, what do these 3 things have in common? Well, I won’t be getting any of them for Valentine’s Day…and I’m ok with that! You don’t have to feel sorry for me because I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day – it’s always been a set up for disappointment! Hubby and I talk about our expectations ahead of time, and we don’t do a whole lot…I choose to see that as a sign of security and maturity. I know he loves me regardless of whether he brings me an overpriced gift or something that will go straight to my hips!

That doesn’t mean we won’t do anything…in fact, this year Hubby called me early one morning in February (yes, he’s aware that I’m not a morning person) to ask me if I’d like to go out for dinner and I get to choose the place. So tomorrow night I will dress up and we, including little guy, are going to a lovely Italian restaurant. Yum! My Mom always did something special for my brother and I growing up too – one year she sewed heart-shaped pillows (I still have them), or she’d bake something yummy. It’s a tradition I have carried on! I haven’t decided what I will do this year – I can think over the weekend. But I know it won’t involve lace, chocolate or sparkly bling… I know it will convey an important message to last a lifetime – I love my guys!

Sexy Pajamas?

Tags

chocolate, fashion, lingerie

Nothing good ever happens when I leave the house in my pajamas. It’s not something I’m in the habit of doing, and I never go past my own front yard, unlike a few of the Moms who walk their kids to school. Trust me – it’s tempting! In fact, there are days when I’m amazed my son & I both show up at school, dressed.

Hubby gets dressed right away in the morning.  I am a pj dweller!  I get dressed because that’s what “normal” people do, but I will put it off for as long as possible. When my son gets ready for bed at 7:30, so do I…if I haven’t put them on already!

I took the garbage out last night…I was so glad my neighbour was out there too – it was an awkward moment. Me in my sheep pjs and ratty sweatshirt… But it was not as awkward as the night I watched the Oscars at a friend’s house. I wore my pjs over so I could pop right into bed when I got home. They were blue with flying pink pigs, and glow-in-the-dark stars. I was nearly home, when I passed a cop…who must have turned around and followed me home. I was reaching for my purse when the spotlight hit! I got out of the car slowly…turns out, hubby’s car was missing a headlight, and he let me off with a warning.  Those glow-in-the-dark stars glowed for a long time after he left….

It’s been a long time since I wore something sexy, sheer, or shiny to bed…but have you been in a lingerie store lately? Skintight, sheers numbers are not exactly an aging woman’s best friend. I haven’t been an A-cup size since Gr. 5! And it’s not all about coverage either – what about warmth? Hot flashes have started but not they’re not frequent enough -and I am thankful for that- to make satin or lace remotely practical!

Last Valentine’s Day I went shopping for some lingerie…it ended after 4 hours and 3 stores…with tears and chocolate. I won’t elaborate – I’m trying to block out the memories!

When exactly did flannel become the answer to sweet dreams?  The bigger question is – should I try shopping again?