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jennsmidlifecrisis

jennsmidlifecrisis

Tag Archives: cleaning

Dear Child

10 Wednesday Jan 2018

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

children, cleaning, home, parenting


Dear child,

I know scrubbing the toilet is “gross”, (believe me, I know), but no more gross than the “gift” you left me in your rush to get back to your video game. Just be thankful that I had cleaned the toilet on the weekend (especially after your brother threw up), and that we haven’t had “chili night” in a long time.

I could have been worse. When your brother developed a habit of “picking and flicking” (I think he was bored) and I got sick of cleaning up after him, I made him clean the whole bathroom. Armed with a toilet brush, a sponge, and a toothbrush. I’m talking the tub, sink and toilet. The taps. The floor. The walls. Even the light fixture. There was no merciful pre-cleaning done for his benefit. We may have even had chili that week (Dad did all the cooking at the time). I don’t remember. I just know it cured the habit.

What you choose to do (or need to do) in the bathroom is your business (unless it involves drugs or a girl).

t.p. art

Bathroom Art, circa 2011

Life is messy and full of distractions. But heed this warning: if I am assaulted by any more ” O Henry bars”, you will be scrubbing much more than the porcelain, and I will feed your father chili first.

Love Mom

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Happy Wednesday!

S.O.S.

26 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

children, cleaning, humour


S.O.S. is an international code signal for extreme distress, an urgent call for help, used especially by ships at sea. It stands for “Save Our Souls”.
Earlier this week, I received a special form of S.O.S. in  a phone call….from Big Guy. It was a “Mom S.O.S.”
So tonight, instead of curling up in front of the t.v., on the couch under my snuggie blanket, with a bag of potato chips, Big Guy will be chauffering me to his apartment for the night. And tomorrow morning, after a restless night’s sleep on a stinky, lumpy piece of furniture that may or may not be a couch, I will snap on a pair of yellow rubber gloves… I will wash up some science experiments dishes, look for the floor, and if I’m feeling particularly brave…I may even venture into the bathroom.
I will answer that “Mom S.O.S.” – in style!
Mom SOS (618x800)

Even the mouse I added in the background is terrified.

 I’m a little terrified as well…and I may be required to send out  a “Mom S.O.S.” too!
Happy Weekend!

Can of Clothes..

10 Monday Jun 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family, Foolishness

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

cleaning, family, humour, parent


Last weekend, Big Guy came home with some laundry. But his choice of transport for this stinky pile of towels and clothing was this:

Oh my!

Oh my!

At first glance, you probably chuckled or, like me, rolled your eyes and sighed…

But if you think about it, a garbage can and a laundry basket are both vessels used to contain something. The only difference is what you choose to contain (except for maybe the smell…) At least it was brand new and clean?

Big Guy was able to bring down a lot of dirty laundry and this Mama got it all “de-funked” for him…the hard part was figuring out how to fold clean laundry to put it back in…I’m very thankful he made the car trip down without losing consciousness!! I sent him home with his can of clean clothes, buckled into the front seat. Wish I’d had my camera then!

Mirror Smear

05 Wednesday Jun 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family, Foolishness

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

children, cleaning, family, home, humour


“Droodles: the noseprints or handprints left on windows by animals or children”. -FromWanted Words 2: From Armajello to Yawncore Edited by Jane Farrow

 I can live with handprints on the car windows (no child can resist drawing on a fogging window), nose prints on the back door, and cat snuffles on the bedroom window (well, when I had a cat…if I had cat snuffles now, that would be seriously disturbing). Smudges are just part of life. But lately I have been fighting a losing battle with Little Guy over bathroom mirror smears. 

Several weeks ago, I asked him to stop “drawing” on the bathroom mirror. For one thing, it drags out bedtime. For another, the top of the mirror is over my head (I’m 5′ 1½” and the ½” is important) so cleaning it is hard…and I just hate doing it more than once a week (unless the toothpaste splatter starts to remind me of crime scene photos or Rorschach tests). Sunday evening, I noticed a familiar pattern, so I watched Little Guy clean the mirror (what he can reach) and he wasn’t happy. I thought that would be the end of it.

 Monday night, right before bed, I noticed a distinct smear that led into a full palm print on the mirror, as well as multiple dots along the bottom edge. So I confronted Little Guy, who insisted that it wasn’t him…honestly. While I was frustrated with the mirror smear, I was more frustrated by the lying. I always give my kids the benefit of any doubt… I took him into the bathroom and we compared our palm prints with the mirror print. My hand was too big! Busted! I told Little Guy that he had to clean it after school, after homework, and before any video games (gasp).

First, he tried to argue with me…let’s just say this kid may have a future in law or politics. If that fails, there’s always acting for next, came the waterworks – the quivering lip, the moist eyelids, the forced sobbing… It’s nice to see he inherited something from me – I was a pro. He’s good – I was almost convinced. Almost. With a heart of stone, I kissed him good-night and told him I loved him…and I walked away, feeling “mean”.

Last night, he grumbled, he delayed, he insisted it still wasn’t him…but he cleaned it. As I brushed my teeth last night without staring at kindersludge, I felt like a “hero”. There are crumbs on my floors and dust on my furniture…but by all that is worth fighting for, my bathroom mirror sparkles! And if everyone in my household knows what’s good for them, it will stay that way….

No Housework Day!

08 Monday Apr 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family, Foolishness

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

cleaning, home, humour


Apparently yesterday was No Housework Day, and by the time I find out about it, the day was over. I’m really bummed! I could have used a No Housework Day this century!

It could have been a whole day in this year that I could just relax, ignore my chores and do absolutely anything else instead. It could have been my chance to indulge myself with no guilt, no stress, and no cleaning. Who am I kidding? The words “no guilt” and “indulgence” cannot co-exist peacefully even in the same sentence. I never sit still, I never stop multi-tasking, and I can always think of something I should be doing instead of [insert activity here].

I did do something on Saturday that I haven’t done in a surprisingly long time. It was hot and steamy, and I did it in the kitchen, in full view of my family. I ironed. I used to iron for a couple of hours on a weekly basis (while watching TV – less guilt that way), and I ironed practically everything: clothing, pillowcases, dish towels. But really, who has the time any more? Dryer + timer = less ironing, more time to do other household chores. Lucky me!

My big project on Saturday was “Out with the Old” and “In with the Older”…I packed up my (old) “grocery store” dishes, relocated an (older) set from one grandmother, and found a home for the other grandmother’s good china. I was given a cup and saucer for my Grade 8 Graduation, and told me I’d inherit it some day…and some day has arrived. As for the “grocery store” dishes…I started collecting household items when I was a teenager, anxious to be the Queen of my own castle. One grocery store chain passed out tickets with every purchase, and with enough tickets, you could purchase the dishes. Several family members collected for my cause! They are now part of Big Guy’s family!

It was no easy task because I’m vertically challenged…so in addition to the copious pile of all these dishes to wash, I had drag a chair (or footstool) around with me, and climb up and down said chair, for hours! And who puts clean dishes in a grubby cupboard? Plus I wanted my dishes to look pretty in my china cabinet…and I couldn’t put the ironing board away yet because I wasn’t done…which made my small kitchen…smaller. Then we added the guinea pigs so they wouldn’t get high on the paint fumes in the basement (I contemplated doing just that, but decided I couldn’t afford to lose any more brain cells. Plus, I have enough trouble cooking some days when I have all my faculties, so why tempt fate.

Dishes 1 Dishes 2

By mid-afternoon, I was exhausted and thankful to have those piles put away. Of course, there were still 3 loads of laundry to do and a bathroom to clean, Big Guy came home needing help, not to mention…well, you get the picture. I did venture upstairs Saturday afternoon, before I ordered pizza (my best decision of the day), and found another pile (I swear, they reproduce like bunnies in my house)…and like any self-respecting housekeeper…I walked right by it!

It would have been good to have a No Housework Day yesterday. But, since I have enough clean plates, maybe I’ll leave the washing up until tomorrow,  just this once…

Spring Cleaning Option 2

19 Tuesday Mar 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cartoon, children, cleaning, family, humour


This is the reason I strongly suggested Big Guy start doing his own laundry in high school…it’s a habit that probably continues to this day. Since he lives on his own, I cannot confirm or deny it.

Laundry

Love you. Talk soon.

Mom xoxo

Spring Cleaning Option 1

18 Monday Mar 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cartoon, children, cleaning, family, humour


Hey Big Guy – here’s an idea…should I bring the leaf blower the next time I visit?

leaf blower

Love Mom

xoxo

Nerd Laundry

15 Friday Mar 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

cartoon, cleaning, humour


To all the nerds I have lived with and have loved: paSlogh Suq birtaS

Klingons

(Klingon translation: Socks get revenge)

Happy Friday!

A Mind is…

24 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

chocolate, cleaning, humour, memory


A mind is a terrible thing to waste…on housework! Too bad I had to waste mine yesterday. I have people coming to the house today for an open house for my business…at least I think I have people coming…and just in case I do, I needed to do some housework! And having “lost” a day this week, I really had to make good use of my time yesterday. (Maybe my mind wasn’t completely wasted?)

I’m not sure where my mind went when I booked this open house…it’s Thursday and I should be at Bible study. It used to also be our exercise day so it’s not like meeting on Thursdays is a new thing! On a side note, some of the ladies decided to quit the exercise part so I’m back to trying to discipline myself…and it’s not going well. I can discipline myself to have my “quiet time” every day, and I can stick to a gluten-free diet pretty well…Even though I told them I would be absent this week (2 weeks ago), the gals are having a breakfast at the church this morning…It wouldn’t have even crossed my mind except that I was at a baby shower this week and I ended up sitting at a table for 7 people by myself…and stuff like has happened before…many times…I wonder if I’ll spend the morning here alone too? I have 2 bags of chocolate chips (they’re gluten free) and I would be quite happy to curl up on the couch and watch a chick flick…

Maybe my mind has been wasted, and I should stick to housework! It’s kind of mindless…and so is my post…So now that you’ve read something mindless, it’s time to go do something incredible with your mind. I’ve heard it’s a terrible thing to waste!

Rude Awakening

30 Tuesday Oct 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Faith, Family

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

cleaning, cry, driving, faith, family, red cars


Yesterday morning, I discovered that I can still move with catlike agility through a dark room (littered with toys) to get to the phone in what feels like the middle of the night because your kid is leaving this message: “I’m ok…but my car, not so much…yeah, it’s totalled…”. It was only 6:15 a.m., not the middle of the night, but I wasn’t going back to sleep! We only got to talk for a few minutes because he had to go, but after we hung up, I curled up on the couch under a blanket, with my Bible. I was too shaken to even open it. I was very aware that this phone call, this rude awakening, could have been “the call” dreaded by all parents.

When I was 16, my uncle died in a car accident. My Mom took “the call”. It was the only time I have ever seen her really lose it and at the time I was frightened by the power of her raw emotions.

When I was 23, on my first Valentine’s Day as a married lady, I got a “call” – I was cooking a romantic dinner and a friend called to tell me that my best friend’s car had slipped on ice and gone over the overpass. My best friend’s parents had died in a car accident only 8 months before. I remained in control and supported my friend through that call, but when I hung up and called Hubby, I lost the ability to speak. The power of raw emotion.

When I am upset, I clean; I have to keep busy. If I had stayed home yesterday instead of running errands (in the wind and rain), my house would be immaculate by now. When I was at home, I carried the phone around with me in case Big Guy called. I caught myself on the verge of tears all day, the “what ifs” playing out in the back of my mind. How easily we go about our day, oblivious to just how quickly a piece of our heart can be torn apart, leaving a scar that never really fades. It is a rude awakening. We are not made to remain in this world, but how we cling to it. God could have taken Big Guy home yesterday… While I trust that God would help me to survive such a great loss, every part of me claws and screams against that very idea, even though Big Guy does not belong to me. The power of raw emotion.

The car is replaceable – Big Guy is not! Big Guy’s injuries are minor considering the force of the impact. He was blessed with many calls from people he’s only known a short time – a testament to his character. It will be a challenge for him to find a replacement car, and the cost (and amount of paperwork) is yet to be determined. But this morning, I am just thankful! My family is intact, my heart is whole…and my house is…still a mess!

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