On a Jet Plane

Tags

children, faith, family, parenting

When Big Guy was 2, he used to run after me with his arms outstretched, pumping as fast as he could on his little chubby little legs, and calling “Wait me! Wait me!” Today I feel like a 2-year old. Today he’s leaving on a jet plane for England  – partly for vacation and partly as his friend’s escort to a wedding (he’s that kind of sweet)! And I’m excited for him. Excited for the adventure he’s embarking upon but… if I’m completely honest, I’m also a little terrified.

It’s a big, big world and I’ve invested my heart and soul into keeping him safe. I’ve adjusted to him spreading his wings, living his own life…but I’ve been blessed to still have him close enough to visit often…usually with dirty laundry.  England is so far away and it’s been kinda crazy there of late…what if something bad happens! I can’t drive there in a couple of hours. In fact, the thought of hopping a plane in an emergency is more adventure than I can handle. But I would do it. If he needed me to do it!

I know he’s an adult! I know he’ll be fine! I also know the next well-meaning person to tell me these things is going to get socked “right in the kisser”!

www.flickr.com-Mark Anderson

I know these things. I believe these things. But he’s my baby! Not yours. Mine! He’s my surprise baby! He blew apart my adolescent plans and set my life on a different course. For a while there, it felt like us against the world. We’ve cheered each other on (he even offered to bury me in the woods if I didn’t survive our Mud Hero run). In many ways, we grew up together and words simply can’t explain how very precious he is, and how much I love him.

I hope he knows it.

That’s the problem with “good-byes” and “see you soons”. Your whole focus goes into the preparation and the planning. You focus on savouring the joy in the time you’re together. And suddenly, it’s time to go!

I’ve been emotional all week. It’s ridiculous, I know! Believe me, I know!! I’ve chided myself more times than the number of chocolate chips in a really big cookie. I think in part, there have been a lot of changes in the last few years, and I am missing a lot of people. I miss my grandparents who have passed away. I miss my friend who has moved away. And I miss my kids as little people. I miss those good days when we played hard and laughed often in a smaller and safer world. I miss their weight and warmth as they fell asleep cocooned in the safety of my arms. Time marches on.

All my bags are packed; I’m ready to go… ‘Cause I’m leavin’ on a jet plane.
– John Denver

His bags are packed by the door (including new socks and underwear!). There’s already too much to say and no time left. So at 8:30 this evening, I will wave at the sky from the window. I will pray without ceasing. And when he gets home, I want to hear all about his adventure.

I really do hope he has the time of his life!

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Gotta Have Faith

Tags

children, faith

Yesterday afternoon, as I crawled along in traffic on the highway, I started composing a humorous post for a Friday afternoon to mark the end of the first full week of summer vacation.

Just before I pulled out of the parking lot after a “pit stop”, I checked my phone and there was a text from Big Guy. All I read was “Call me” and my heart caught in my throat. There were other messages – “Give Little Guy a big hug for me when you see him”, “a little guy was killed by S’ house…darted out at a moving truck, got caught under the rear wheel…”.

Right around the corner from our home. An intersection I pass every day.

My heart broke.

I called Big Guy back right away – he has such a tender heart.

As parents, we do our best to protect our children, but accidents can still happen, cancer can still develop and we are powerless to stop all of it. In an instant, our world can be completely shattered, and we are forever changed.

As I headed on down the highway, I prayed for this family. It was disjointed and poorly articulated, often filled with long silences and deep sighs. My head was empty and my heart was full. And it was in one of those long silences that my ears tuned in to the song on the radio. “…have faith faith, I gotta to have faith, faith, faith” sang George Michael. And I smiled. It was the closest thing to an answer to a question I didn’t know how to articulate:

I know what I believe; sometimes the only thing I can do is have faith. To trust that God will take care of my kids, and if my world is ever shattered, and when my world changes (because we know change is inevitable), have faith that God will steady the ground and help me to walk through it too.

Little Guy got 2 big hugs when I arrived: one from my and one from his big brother.

Photo courtesy of sadmoment.com

Hugs to you too!

WPC: Focus: Never Grow Old

Tags

children, family, Photo Challenge, photography, Weekly Photo Challenge

There’s something magical about bubbles, something fairy-like about their delicate iridescence and their fragile form. Their moment in time whispering childlike wonderment and happy memories as they float away.

This week’s challenge was about focus, and anyone who has made soap bubbles knows that it takes focus and patience, and often multiple attempts to form these airy spheres. Little Guy was my assistant on this particular sunny day, as I attempted over and over to capture these bubbles in time. Instead, my camera shifted the focus from the bubble to my boy, and I captured a even better moment in time! Just like this bubble, this precious child is growing up and the little boy I adore is floating away. I marvel at who he is becoming and like a bubble, I have to set him free so that he may attain his full beauty. And as he grows older, I pray his spirit never grows old.

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. – Franz Kafka

To see more photos, in-focus or out-of-focus, click here.

Future Chef

Tags

children, food

My friends on Facebook already heard this news. What good is Facebook if you can’t brag a little about your kids from time to time?!?

This week I tried a couple more new recipes – and they were disasters!

First, I tried to make a dessert using strawberries and rhubarb. The shortbread crust was a beautiful golden colour, but it crumbled when I tried to put it on the plate. And my tart compote wouldn’t thicken. What’s a girl to do?

When the freshly baked cookies crumble, put them on ice cream – jennsmidlifecrisis

The second recipe I attempted was cauliflower fritters. Despite sticking to the non-stick frying pan, the texture was spongy and soggy, and just…wrong! Surprisingly, the one person in our family who won’t eat cauliflower thought they were delicious. My Dad (a fellow cauliflower-hater ) would disappointed!

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.- Mark Twain

Thankfully, Little Guy’s baking attempt fared much better.

This week, his class held a Bake-Off! In addition to researching the nutritional value of their healthy meal or dessert, they had to bring in and display their goodies for 6 judges. Here’s where the bragging comes in: Little Guy won the title of Jr. Chef Champion for 2017, which included a chef’s hat and apron, and the coveted Golden Spoon Trophy!

He was pretty excited! Me too! Thank you to Mama Wears Mascara who shared this recipe a few years ago:

Black Bean Chocolate Cupcakes (Gluten Free & Dairy Free)

1 (14oz) can organic black beans
4 eggs
1/2 cup agave syrup or honey, or 3/4 cup sugar
3 tbsp. dark cocoa powder
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
2 tbsp. safflower or sunflower oil, or coconut butter (melted)
1 tsp. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350F. Line a 12 cup muffin pan with paper cups.

Drain and rinse black beans well.

Combine all ingredients in a blender or food processor. Blend until beans are fully pureed.

Pour the batter into cups and bake 20-25 min. or until wooden toothpick comes out clean.

I didn’t get to taste a single cupcake! I hope I can talk my future chef into making more!

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
-Charles M. Schulz

To My Sons

Tags

adventure, advice, blessing, children, family, humour, laugh, parent

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” –Elizabeth Stone

Someday you will understand. Someday, you will, I hope, be a parent too, and you will understand how much your children shape and reshape you. You will experience the pain and the joy that comes from giving your heart away. You will examine your character, your relationships, and your decisions through new eyes. You will see life through the eyes of a child, and your soul will thrill to see beauty and innocence again. It is an indescribable adventure and a lifelong journey. I am privileged to share it with you.

I wanted to be a “good” and “fun” and “perfect” Mom…the kind who baked cookies and milk, who never lost her temper, who always took time to listen. I wanted to roll out of bed in the morning with a song on my lips. I wanted to be the one to wipe away your tears, and chase away your fears. To be your greatest cheerleader. To never miss celebrating a special moment. I wanted to be Mrs. Cleaver…able to gracefully solve any problem in half an hour or less. I wanted to be a “good” and “perfect” Mom…

Instead, you got a real Mom…I baked cookies (that were often burned or funny looking) and bandaged boo-boos. I tried to pay attention and never turn you away, even in the middle of the night. But I know I didn’t always do it gracefully. I didn’t always keep my temper, or put my “listening ears” on. I failed in many ways, and you will too. Humble yourself before your children when you need to – they love you any way. Treat each day as a new beginning.

Sing loudly even when you don’t know the words…make up your own. It doesn’t matter if they’re super silly or they don’t rhyme. Words like “poop” will always get a laugh. Pick dandelions. Blow bubbles. Make faces. Play. (actually that’s good advice even when you don’t have kids…)

I hope that I have given you some happy memories – things like snuggling on the couch, rescuing worms on rainy days, arts & crafts, and bedtime stories. Savour these little moments – you are giving the gift of time. Children never remember the “big” moments, the ones that adults think are important. Plan “big” moments any way!

Pray without ceasing. It is the only way that you will begin to have the strength, patience, and wisdom you will need for each day, from diapers to driving lessons, and everything in between and beyond. It is one of the most important things you can do for them, and for you!

There are many memories that I treasure in my heart. To Big Guy: “I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be”. To Little Guy: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…” You guys are the biggest part of my “story” – some day I’ll tell you more.    Love ya’

Mom xoxo

M is for Minecraft: Good for Kids

Tags

#atozchallenge, children, video games

 

It’s a video game that is shaping the next generation! There’s no complex story line, no timers furiously counting down, no pressing deadlines, and no graphic violence. The Minecraft universe is made up of blocks representing materials such as dirt, stone, various ores, wool, and water, and it’s a place I like to escape in my world for a bit at the end of the day.

Some would say that I’m wasting my time (because watching soaps would be so much better-yuck!), while others would argue that video games are inherently evil. But research has shown that sometimes gaming is good for you, and can have medical benefits. There’s even talk now that Minecraft is good for kids.

Castle Chapel

It encourages creativity and imaginative play. Minecraft was initially meant to be solely a survival game, but as it garnered attention, players began stretching their imaginations to build castles, tree houses and buildings that could only exist in a fantasy world. Imaginative behavior is based on the brain using and combining what we’ve learned and reworking them to generate new ideas. Minecraft is an open world and the challenge becomes shaping it to suit their desires. It also gives them the flexibility to decide if they want to build, mine, farm, or just explore the world.

Minecraft encourages learning. Kids are learning everything from programming, science, math, art and design, and history. Kids are mastering computer coding, engineering, architecture, and urban planning. My Little Guy loves the fictional ore called Redstone, a material that carries electrical signals to activate sophisticated machinery. He has created logic circuits to form a working computer inside the game, as well as elevators, cannons, and conveyor belts.

Players explore the world and learn how to gather materials needed to survive. In survival, peaceful mode, players require tools and shelter. In the survival, non-peaceful mode, they will also require food, and weapons for hunting and protection from enemies. They need to be aware of their surroundings in order to avoid swimming in lava or being killed by a Creeper.

A sky sidewalk connects my castle and watch towers (shown) with LG’s castle

It motivates kids to design their own projects, set their own goals, develop a plan, and work towards its completion. It often means reasoning out visual and spatial aspects, troubleshooting snags, and stretching their self-regulation skills.

Kids can measure success by their standards (not an adult’s standards). Minecraft allows them to be in control of the game and helps them build confidence in their ideas and abilities.

It encourages teamwork. Players can work together to build and protect their world and each other. It requires cooperation, sharing resources, trading supplies, and negotiating projects.

We worked together to lay the patterned marble floor

It can also bring together kids from different social groups and help kids who struggle in social situations, find common ground with their peers. (See the world built by a girl with autism to help her cope in the real world – it’s really cool!). More kids are teaching other kids by publishing tutorials, sharing designs and code, and helping each other online. They are connecting on a global scale.

Relaxation. Video games, like most anything, can become an obsession, but it can also be a form of relaxation. Our kids are stressed by homework and extracurricular activities. Introverts, in particular, rejuvenate in solitude.

It’s also been a way to “play together” as a family at the end of the day. It gets us talking – it keep us connected.  I don’t think I will ever consider this time as anything but well-spent, and as long as they want to spend time with me, I’m hanging out with my kids! We’ve a lot to teach each other!

Our “Poppy Castle” -from the front

From the North Side

References:

https://www.popsugar.com

https://www.forbes.com/sites/emilywillingham/2014/04/26/minecraft-is-shaping-a-generation/#447ddb8f66b6

https://www.cnet.com/special-reports/minecraft/

https://deangroom.wordpress.com/2013/02/03/8-ways-minecraft-works-on-your-brain/

 

 

D is for…Diapers & Driving Lessons

Tags

children, family, humour, parenting

Diapers and Driving Lessons…at the same time. That had certainly not been “the plan”. The “plan” had been university and law school. The “plan” had been a career, a husband, and a little house with a white picket fence before kids. I was a “good girl”, a straight-A student, a high-achiever…and I was going places. But at the end of Grade 10 at barely 16, I found out I was pregnant. The “plan” was shot to pieces.

So I weighed my options, developed a new “plan”, and started a great adventure instead. Instead of university, I did 2 college degrees, so I could get a job to support us. My parents were a wonderful support and we were happy together, but I didn’t want to live with them forever. Hubby entered the picture when Big Guy was 4; we were married when he was 6, and we adopted him (just in case there’s any question, Big Guy is mine x2). The house came later…a semi-detached “retro” look with a car port and a persistent problem with the plumbing. No picket fence.

Fast-forward 10 years when we were ready to expand our family. Where Big Guy was an astonishingly fast surprise, Little Guy was an incredibly long wait, one I despaired that would go on forever. And so…Diapers and Driving lessons. I’d slap a clean diaper on Little Guy, strap him in the car seat in the back, and we’d take Big Guy driving (secretly, I sometimes wished I had a clean diaper on too)!

Big Guy was the same age I was when he was born – 16! But there are advantages to a 16 year difference between siblings:

1. Instant Babysitter/Assistant: We never took advantage of him, but sometimes we needed that extra pair of hands. Like the one time I was crying louder than the crying baby and I handed him off to Big Guy, and stepped outside to sob for awhile. Or the time we had to tackle a Defcon5 poopy diaper…or simply to savour a rare moment in the bathroom…alone!
2. Effective Birth Control: At no age does any child want to imagine what their parents were doing behind closed doors, and here was the fruit of our activity. (I may never be a grandmother as a result)!
3. Greater Respect for Mom: It may have only been a brief pause, but it did give him pause when I reminded him that “I was your age when you were born…and you didn’t sleep through the night until you were 2, and I was still in school”!
4. Increase sociability: Big Guy had to get out of the house to avoid the screaming and crying. Sometimes it was the baby; I tried to keep it down!
5. No fighting over toys, friends, or who looked at who first.
6. Teaching responsible driving: Not only did he have me in the car watching his every move (and wearing a hole in the passenger floor where there should have been a brake pedal), but he had this precious baby staring at him in the rearview mirror.
7. We were mistaken for a couple: Big Guy wasn’t impressed, but if someone wants to assume I’m in my 20s, glory be!
8. Daddy-training without the responsibility: Big Guy can diaper without getting peed on, bathe without wearing all the bubbles, dress a toddler on the run, and almost reason with a screaming child. He knows how to read stories and cuddle a sleepy child. He also knows how many adults it takes to clean up a child with explosive poop (the answer is 3)! But he never had to worry about fevers at 3 a.m., fixing lunch, or the endless pile of dirty laundry.
9. Toys & Technology: Big Guy is great at unscrewing nano-screws to change batteries and getting us through the tough levels in video games. He has also perfected the art of dismantling toys screwed, taped or tied into stiff cardboard boxes with plastic twist ties so tightly that anything short of an apocalyptic explosion would set the toy free.
10. Role-model: Even though he was old enough to mete out discipline, we encouraged Big Guy to just be the “cool big brother”! Of course, I never mind when he tells Little Guy “don’t talk back to your mother” (wink, wink)

Since Little Guy first came home from the hospital, Big Guy has been right there! I love watching my boys playing together. Big Guy is 27 and has been out on his own for a few years in another city. Thankfully he visits often. And once in awhile, Little Guy & I visit him for a “sleep over” at his place. It’s like camping…in a very scary jungle.

The “plan” in high school was a good plan. The adventure has been better, even if it involved Diapers and Driving Lessons!

Little White Lies

Tags

children, family, humour, little white lies, parenting

Like most parents, I’m guilty of telling some little white lies, but I’m not here to debate the ethics of those little white lies. This is a safe, judgment-free space. That being said, my most common lies are:

•  “Maybe later” – Code for: No;
• “We’ll see” – Code for: Probably No; and,
• “We can always come back another day” – Code for: Probably (most definitely) not any time soon.

Kids catch on fast! They also catch on to:

• “I have x-ray vision – I can see through doors”;
• “I have eyes in the back of my head”; and,
• “When the ice cream truck plays music, it means it’s out of ice cream”.

I have intentionally never used:

• “It won’t hurt that much”;
• “This shouldn’t take long”; or
• “Santa’s watching you”!

Those lies can’t be blurred. Needles hurt! Appointments run late. And Santa?

“He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been good or bad, so be good for goodness sake!”

Does anyone else find that creepy? And now they’ve added –

Second, Santa Clause was a sore point between Hubby & I. I loved the aura of magic and wonder it brought as a kid. I do remember feeling 2 things when I found out Santa wasn’t real: 1) disappointment; and 2) appreciation for my parents. While our “best” gift came from them, they still let an imaginary figure take credit for bringing us joy on Christmas morning. Hubby, on the other hand, didn’t grow up with Santa. He has a deep appreciation for his parents’ generosity, but he’s pretty sure he would have felt betrayed by the lie that “Santa is real”. [On a side note, my brother says that as long as Santa brings stuff, he’ll “believe!”]

The other day, I heard the survey results of the most recent list of top 5 most common white lies parents tell…

5. Pretending to call the police because they did something bad.

I have never used this, but my Dad did once when I went out with a girlfriend one evening, and we “disappeared” for several hours. After being royally chewed out, my Dad dialed the local police station and told me to tell them who I was and that I was safely home. I did! At the time, I believed my Dad really had called the police. Now I’m pretty sure he didn’t, but the officer played along brilliantly. I was 15.

It was almost as terrifying as the time my Dad “called the hospital” because I bit into the centre hole of my doughnut… I sobbed inconsolably and my Dad got chewed out! I was 5.

 

4. Pretending you didn’t eat their candy or other food.

Guilty. Also guilty of hiding food. Once in my bra. It melted…

 

3. Saying you have to leave somewhere like a playground because it’s closing . . . even though it’s really not.

Not guilty but secretly wish I had thought of this!

 

2. Lying to your friends about your parenting style: “Oh yeah, we totally limit screen time too.”

Not guilty. We’re not coordinated enough as parents to pull it off.

1. Telling your kids that an annoying toy is lost . . . when you really got rid of it.

Not guilty…BUT hiding said annoying toy (and making a mental note to buy the offending gift-giver an annoying toy to their child) and saying I don’t know where it is – Guilty!

It’s possible my children will one day use some of these little white lies against me in a therapy session. After all, aren’t I to blame for every poor choice my little darlings make? But you? Your kids will be ok because you’re an awesome parent!

I’m lying.

Happy Weekend!

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/399061216961130192/

 

10 Minute Monday: Made for Walking

Tags

children, faith, family

My boots were made for walking, and that’s just what I did…but not my sassy green boots, or even my black “hooker” boots. No, this past Saturday, I wore comfortable boots and layers of clothing because, along with our Church Jr. Youth Group, I was walking to raise money for a local organization that provides a “hands up” for those in our community. Not only was I raising money for charity, I was walking to be an example to these kids.

‘Do as I say, but not as I do’ is not an effective way of teaching anything.
– John A. Garrity

These kids are part of our future. They are also part of today!

We teach our kids to wait their turn, to make friends, to “play nice” in the sandbox. And even though the sandbox gets larger every year and they meet people who kick sand in their faces, we still expect them to be to consider others.  We tell them they can make a difference in their world by showing mercy and living heart to heart…but so often, we forget to show them the way.

I cannot believe what you say because I see what you do. – anonymous

We are blessed to have amazing youth leaders who give our kids opportunities to serve others. And while I recognize Little Guy’s need for time away from Mom and Dad, this time I felt the need to get involved too. 

I needed to show them that I supported what they are doing…and not just with my pocketbook

I need to show them I care about people too…enough to trade my comfortable couch on a Saturday night, for the frigid streets. 

I wasn’t satisfied with sending them off with someone else, I needed to be there too. 

We had a great time! I took lots of photos. We shared snacks. We went out for ice-cream after it was all over (right about the time it started snowing!) And on Sunday morning, we all wore our blue & yellow hats with pom-pom on top! (and you know how much I love hats!) 

All the ducks in a row…

Yes, we got cold! Our cheeks turned red and our noses ran. By the time we finished our 5K walk, our bodies were tired (and mine ached in weird places). Our walk didn’t “change the world”, but we may have helped make it better for someone. And maybe these kids’ boots will keep on walking for a lot of years to come …

The most powerful way to change the world is to live our lives in front of our children the way we would like the world to be. -Graham R. White

***

This has been a “10 Minute Monday” post (where I write about whatever I want for a minimum 10 minutes, no editing – mayhem, memories, maudlin mumblings, or  “mwa ha ha” moments.

 

10 Minute Monday: Let’s Talk

Tags

10 minutes mondays, children, family, life, parenting

It was my Mom who pointed out the irony last week, during an emergency mid-week telephone conference Wednesday afternoon. In Monday’s post, I made a comparison – life with kids is like riding a roller coaster. I was pretty excited about it…until Tuesday afternoon when the seat dropped out from beneath me and everything sped out of control. When I crawled into bed that night, still physically and mentally shaken,  I knew an onslaught of nightmarish what-ifs waited for me. A week later, I’m still fighting to hold them at bay.

I can’t say a lot – part of my way of staying sane. But I can say this – if you’re a parent, talk to your kids. Even if you already have. Even if they appear to have it all together. Even if they roll their eyes at you. Again.

I know we want to protect our children from bad things and bad people. But we also have to prepare them, because bad things happen on the walk to school. Bad people lurk in your neighbourhood. Decisions have to be made when there isn’t time to think through the options or the consequences. If we lived in an ideal world, we could let them be carefree kids longer, but we don’t live in an ideal world.

January, it seems, has been a series of roller coaster rides with Little Guy, and with each ride, has come a series of conversations.

We’ve talked about depression and suicide – how to support your friends and how to advocate on their behalf. Someone I told this to commented that “he’s only in Grade 6”. When I was in Grade 6, I noticed a girl by herself at recess. I sensed I should talk to her, but I was shy. I did it anyway and she became my best friend. Two years later, she told me how she had planned to kill herself that week.  Every detail was in place. So yeah…he’s in Grade 6, but we started this conversation years ago. We’ve also talked how to ask for help should he ever feel overwhelmed or hopeless.

We’ve talked about peer pressure – how to recognize it and how to handle it. It may be skipping class now, but one day it will be sex, drugs and things that could rock his world. And not in a good way!

We’ve talked about secrets – what’s ok and what’s not ok. We’ve talked about what to do and who to talk to if someone is hurting him, or someone he loves. We’ve talked about bullies and strangers, and people who aren’t strangers but may be acting strange.

We’ve talked about how hard it can be to become an “adult”. We faced some of the same challenges and we didn’t always have great success.  As parents, as people, we’re far from perfect and we freely admit it. But we’ve have a little experience under our rapidly expanding belts!

“Adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street,
and then getting hit by an airplane.” – Anonymous

Most importantly, we talked about how much we love him. We let him know that he is never truly alone. We may not always approve of his choices, but we will always affirm him. And I think of all the conversations we’ve had, this one is the one that will keep him safe.

Photo courtesy of http://www.daveswordsofwisdom.com

***

This has been a “10 Minute Monday” post (where I write about whatever I want for a minimum 10 minutes, no editing – mayhem, memories, maudlin mumblings, or  “mwa ha ha” moments.