• About Me
  • Photography

jennsmidlifecrisis

jennsmidlifecrisis

Tag Archives: brides

Bridal Shower vs. Bridal Tea

27 Monday Aug 2018

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

brides, humour, tea


My parents are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this week, and I thought it would be fun (at 10 o’clock Sunday night) to do a bridal-related tea post. I picked an easy question: what is the difference between a bridal tea and a bridal shower?

Traditionally, a bridal shower is a party to honour the bride, and it is usually hosted by a close female member of her family, for example an aunt. Sometimes the hostess is the Maid/Matron of Honour.

This party frequently involves tea and punch, and dainty foods like cream cheese and cherry-filled finger sandwiches,  and squares cut into bite-sized pieces. A word of advice: eat before you come! Napkins, streamers, and 3D paper bells in the bride’s “colours” are draped around the buffet table. In the place of honour at the buffet table, is the cake! This cake is your reward for sticking out the next 4 hours with a plastic smile on your face, while you “oo” and “ah” over face cloths and oven mitts.

The room itself is set up with sticky folding chairs, borrowed from the church basement. The bride is seated in the place of honour, surrounded by a pile of boxes wrapped with rose-printed paper, and bags stuffed with tissue paper. Yes, the expectation is that you come bearing gifts. Fifty years ago, the purpose of bestowing gifts was to help the young couple establish a home. These days, it seems, most couples have everything they need or want, including a home, long before they “tie the knot”. And they have access to gift registries, which means they can tell you exactly which overpriced sheet set or ridiculous knickknack they’ll never use, to buy for them.

Before the snacks and the cake, however, everyone must gleefully participate in a series of party games designed to test your attention span (which we all know is focused on getting to the cake) and your creativity. Games like “Toilet Paper Wedding Dress”…because who wouldn’t find it hilarious to drape themselves publicly with something normally used for…well, you get the picture. My own experience in high school involving toilet paper was certainly hilarious for someone… Segue to the sappy “words of wisdom” written on cue cards with pencil crayons about communication and love…and that one risque comment related to sex intended to make everyone feign embarrassment.

“The key to a successful marriage is to argue naked.”

The one bright beacon of hope, aside from the cake, once the gift opening begins is the traditional paper plate “hat”, made by taping the ribbons and bows from the packages on to a paper plate, and forcing the bride to wear said hat and pose for embarrassing pictures! It’s a small passive-aggressive way to get back at the bride for causing you to miss your afternoon nap. Social media has just amplified this one small pleasure!

K-bridal shower hat

My Mom crowning her little sis!

Long, teary thank you speech from bride. Cue cake!

“Life is short – start with the cake. End with more cake! – jennsmidlifecrisis”

A bridal  tea is a more sophisticated and smaller gathering of family and/or bridesmaids with the bride for the sole purpose of celebrating the impending marriage. Usually tea and delicate finger foods are served, possibly on fine china or coloured napkins. No obligatory lame games are played. No parade of bows is undertaken. And no gifts are expected.  In fact, some brides consider this an optimal time to bestow a thank you gift on those attending the tea, for the parts they will play in her “happily ever after”! Oh…and there is probably cake.

Bridal teas are gaining in popularity. So are elaborate bachelorette parties. To each their own! Anyway, Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad! Love you!

Mom and Dad Wedding (800x713)

“Happily Ever After is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice!”

Cheers! Happy Monday!

Not a Clue

08 Friday Jul 2016

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

brides, humour, weddings, work humour


Several people have asked me “what ever happened with that bride?” I can’t exactly call her “bridezilla” since she wasn’t overtly “obsessive or intolerably demanding”. But her lack of communication, her indecision, and her (dare I say it? why not?) stupidity threatened to push me over the precipice into a bottomless pit, where there would most definitely be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Well, the wedding was June 25, and with any luck, today will be my final encounter with her.

I am “The Gatekeeper” to rental contracts for the church, which means I field calls from the sublime to the ridiculous, and the following is a true story:

I received a voicemail message on January 29, saying Someone had booked Bride’s wedding at our church –  could I forward the Rental Contract. I immediately had words with Someone! It turned out Bride & Groom stopped in during an evening rehearsal and looked around. [Mistake #1: Letting them in the door}. Someone told them the date looked free and to call me in the morning to go through the details.[ Mistake #2: Never suggest the date is free]

I forgave Someone.

So I emailed Bride the approval process, attached the requisite documents, and listed 14 basic questions so we could get acquainted. The questions included silly things like name, time of wedding, and needs (minister, organist, audio-visual technician).

On Feb 3, Someone received a phone call – Groom would drop the deposit and contract on Sunday morning. I quickly forwarded my original email, politely asking again for information. She emailed back that she’d fax the agreement in the morning. It never arrived. Groom, however, arrived after Sunday service with the deposit and an incomplete page 1 (of 2) of the contract.

I got the answers to some of my questions on Feb. 15. I confirmed on Feb 24, that the wedding rental request had been approved,  and carefully reviewed the policies and fees again.

 

I waited a month before I emailed to review and ask for a signed contract. I also asked for answers to the rest of the questions… She emailed 4 days later to call her. Eventually we connected and discussed the fees. She didn’t understand why I couldn’t use the deposit toward the fees? (Umm…in case your uncle shows up drunk, barfs on the carpet and I have to get it cleaned early Sunday morning? I’m not paying for that!) Why do we need a custodian (Stupid people, question #2) when we can clean ourselves? Still feeling magnanimous, I offered to ask the Hostess to her waive fees (since she was also the organist). I waved my magic wand and made it happen. On April 7 she asked, “when can we meet to discuss the contract?”  Huh?  I explained we didn’t need to meet in person, and I provided options for getting the signed contract to me.

A month later, she asked me again to call her. We had the same discussion as above, over the next 2 weeks, resent the revised contract two more times. I finally got a signed copy by email on May 20, with the requisite insurance certificate BUT she also wanted to know why organist fee was not reduced (because the organist only waived the hostess fee?). Her fiance was told this would cost no more than $450 (not by anyone who works here) and the deposit wouldn’t be cashed (that’s not how it works and I was pretty clear about that …). I  threw her budget off (yeah, that was my personal goal).

eye roll giphy

http://www.giphy.com – gossip girl

By now, I was hearing gnashing of teeth – my own! I let her have it! Having a legal background made it easy. I laid it all out in detail, with the dates  and content of all our correspondence and conversations. I pointed out that we are one of the most affordable churches in the area. That our costs are fixed by our board and I can’t make any more deductions. That I can’t use their deposit as payment.  And finally, if they’d prefer to terminate this signed contract in writing, I’d be happy to return the deposit to them. I gave the pastor a copy of my email to review before I sent it. He thought I was being very nice!

The next day, she asked when can we meet – after 4:30 worked for them! (Why do they need to meet in person?) On May 26, an email  said the groom was coming the next day at 10:30. I made sure there was someone in the office with me, but he didn’t call or show up.

He showed up on June 1, the day my Grandmother died. He wanted to discuss the fees. We went through the why you need a custodian conversation again. He even went so far as to suggest he could tell guests they can’t use the loo.

“People should have chips implanted in their skulls that explode when they say something stupid.” – Sheldon Cooper, The Big Bang Theory 

Then he asked why Bride hadn’t heard from the organist? (At this point, I knew the organist had left Bride several voicemail messages, with no response. Groom left in a hurry – he had shorted us by $25.

Later that day, the organist told me she talked to Bride, and Bride would call her back. The next day, Bride informed me she didn’t need a pianist (pianist?) I asked for clarification – did she mean organist? It took a week and 3 emails to sort that out.

I met Bride for the first time on June 23 when she showed up unexpectedly to check on some measurements for decorations. If looks could kill, I’d have been a wet puddle on the carpet that the custodian would have to clean up. Her handshake was limp and she avoided all eye contact. She wondered when they could get in to decorate – I told them during the rehearsal or Friday during office hours. I just wanted this deal to be done!

 

The wedding was set for June 25 at 2:30. By 2:25, the staff and 1 guest had arrived. The wedding started at 3:20.  No one took down the decorations – the custodian had to do it. Only half of it was picked up the following week, after I had gone home for the day. They forgot their candlesticks!

I emailed this week to say their cheque (deposit plus adjustment) was ready. I didn’t mail it because of the impending postal strike and the missed decor. She agreed to come on Friday before 2, but was pretty sure I had miscalculated the fees. She was forgetting that if she wasn’t paying an organist, she was paying a hostess. I explained the breakdown, but she didn’t reply to my email.

I’m leaving today at 2 – if she doesn’t show up on time, I’m tempted to leave the cheque and candlesticks outside. Or give them to Professor Plum…

chickenclue

Thanks to Doug Savage at http://www.savagechickens.com

Some people just don’t have a Clue!

Stupid People

05 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

brides, crazy people, humour, work humour


Some days I love my job… while other days I feel like I’m in the “cubicle of purgatory”. As mentioned countless times before, I am a church lady office administrator so I am often at the epicenter of a circus. I wrote about the “family business” once before.

One aspect of my job that I truly dislike is fielding the cold calls and email requests for renting our building. I am “The Gatekeeper”. I have enough crazy to interact with inside the congregation, so I approach each interaction with the outside crazy, with fear and trembling. Requests have ranged from piano recitals, sports programs and children’s birthday parties, to funerals, concerts and weddings. While I have met some genuinely nice people, people willing to work with me, not drive me to an early grave, glowing brides with far-flung dreams of bridal grandeur are among the worst! They change their minds like a teenager changes her mood – frequently and irrationally. The list of demands requests pile up faster than ant bodies after a Raid©  raid. “No” isn’t usually part of their vocabulary. And they frequently ask the same stupid questions:

  1. Why do I have to pay for a hostess? Um…because no one lives at the church to let you in and our insurance company strongly discourages leaving the door unlocked and the alarm turned off. Can’t imagine why?
  2. Why do I have to pay for a custodian? We’re not dirty, can’t we just clean up ourselves? You might not be “dirty” (what you do at home is your own business), but your shoes might be…and I’ve seen what Great Aunt Bertha can do to a loo. I have yet to see a bride wear rubber gloves and getting down and dirty with a toilet brush. I admit, I haven’t seen everything yet, so feel free to snap those suckers on, hoist your expensive beaded gown and go for it!
  3. Does my rental agreement cover the 3 days my wedding planner needs to bejewel set up the sanctuary? Um…no! See answer to question 1.
  4. Can the grand piano be moved on to the platform? Let’s see…our baby grand piano is virtually built into the side of the platform and weighs somewhere between 500-900 lbs. Pianos don’t like to be moved and often need to be tuned after they are…so, No.
  5. Can our flower girl throw real rose petals down the aisle? Well, if you’re willing to pull on some rubber gloves and spend your honeymoon scrubbing the stains out, be my guest. Alternatively, you can pay to have the entire church re-carpeted. It might be cheaper than your wedding gown.

Cooper giphy

***

Negotiations with one of these blushing brides is only just beginning, and I have never spoken to her…

I received a voicemail message one morning saying Someone had “booked her wedding” at our church. She gave me her email address to forward the Rental Agreement. I immediately had words with Someone! It turned out Bride & Groom stopped in during an evening rehearsal and decided they liked our building. Someone let them look around, checked to see that the date was still available, and told them to call me in the morning to go through the details.[ Mistake #1: Never say the date is free right away!]

I forgave Someone.

I emailed Bride outlining the approval process, attaching the requisite documents, and listing about 14 basic questions so we could get acquainted. The questions included silly things like name, time of wedding, needs (minister, organist, audio-visual technician). I didn’t get a reply and assumed the nightmare was over.

Someone received a phone call 2 days later from Groom, saying he was dropping the deposit and agreement this coming Sunday morning.

“One cries because one is sad. I cry because others are stupid and that makes me sad.” – Sheldon Cooper, Big Bang Theory

I nearly started crying. Instead, I forwarded my original email to Bride, politely asking again for some information. She quickly emailed back that she’d fax the agreement in the morning. It never arrived. But I’m guessing I’ll have the pleasure of meeting Groom some time Sunday morning. Can’t wait…

I’ll bring some tissue.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Layers

18 Monday Nov 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Photography

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

black and white photography, brides, photography, wedding photography, weddings, Weekly Photo Challenge


After my fiancée called off the engagement, I didn’t have the heart to put my wedding dress on. But before I put it into storage, I took some time to admire it, the layers of satin and lace and tulle. I ran my fingers over the sequins and beads on the bodice. I traced the details in the lace. I stroked the white satin ruffles and bows. When I lifted it, I noted its heaviness; when I swished the skirts, I listened to the rustling fabric, and watched the shadows play in the folds.

This wedding dress had not been my “dream” dress, but it did represent a dream… to be someone’s wife, someone’s “beloved” forever.

Wedding Dress 1

Wedding 2

Wedding 3

Wedding 4

I wore this dress a few years later for my next sweetheart, and we’ve been married for 18 years.

***

To see more amazing photos for the challenge, “Layers”, click here!

Weekly Photo Challenge: Layers. Layers can reveal, conceal, and make something more complex. They can vary in size, texture, color, or functionality. Each layer can have its own story, meaning, or purpose. They can overlap, blend, or be distinctly separate. A layer doesn’t have to be a part of a single object but can even be a slice of a multifaceted image or scene.

Big Wedding Crashers

15 Monday Jul 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

brides, fashion, humour, photography, weddings


With weddings getting bigger…and wilder, the competition to out-do the next bride and groom growing fiercer…It was only a matter of time before the traditional wedding party photographs also took a rather large step forward!

My traditional wedding party pose (feel free to laugh...)

My traditional wedding party pose (feel free to giggle…)

 No longer will the fashion and hair styles out-date wedding pics (causing squeals of laughter from younger generations), but the shots of a wedding party fleeing a wedding-crashing monster. It started with a T-Rex…and now includes photos circulating the web with Star Wars AT-AT Walkers and Sharktopus (a B-movie inspired invention), all aiming for more international “hits” and “likes”. Some would call it “a fitting commemoration in the age of social media”.

Snapshots of every major and minor celebrity in the country has become big business. And with television shows like “Rich Bride, Poor Bride”, “4 Weddings”, and “Say Yes to the Dress!” (my personal favourite) promoting “Brides’ Night”, it’s no wonder North Americans are obsessed with all things wedding! According to author Elizabeth Abbott (A History of Marriage), the original celebrity couple was Queen Victoria and Prince Albert in 1840.

Wedding_of_Queen_Victoria_and_Prince_Albert

Engraved by S Reynolds after F Lock [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Within weeks of their nuptials, detailed sketches appeared in magazines, starting the wedding picture trend. Couples used to pose for a single wedding photo, but now hire a crew of photographers and videographers to capture every moment of the day. The next trend is to capture those moments on Instagram. Here’s something I’d like to know – does capturing those moments include the contortions and complexities of getting a ball-gowned bride safely in and out of the loo?

References: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Wedding_of_Queen_Victoria_and_Prince_Albert.jpg

http://www2.macleans.ca/2013/07/06/who-invited-the-sharktopus/

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Follow jennsmidlifecrisis on WordPress.com

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 601 other followers

Categories

  • Faith (175)
  • Family (268)
  • Fashion (52)
  • Fitness (28)
  • Food (290)
  • Foolishness (795)
  • From Friends (14)
  • Photography (652)

Recent Musings

  • Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #25 June 23, 2022
  • What’s In My Cup: Blackberry Burst June 20, 2022
  • Dear Quarantine Diary – Week 24 June 16, 2022
  • Wilderness Wednesday: A Star is Born June 15, 2022
  • What’s In My Cup: Peaches & Cream June 13, 2022

Archives

Blogs I Follow

bushboys world

Photos of my world and other stuff I hope you will enjoy too. Photos taken with Canon PowershotSX70HS Photos can be purchased.

Paul Militaru

Photography Portfolio

Plain and Fancy Girl

Marian Beaman

Blessed Beyond Measure

Tuesdays with Laurie

"Whatever you are not changing, you are choosing." —Laurie Buchanan

Cee's Photo Challenges

Teaching the art of composition for photography.

Ah dad...

I need the funny because they're teenagers now

Wind Kisses

PIRAN CAFÉ

Ned's Blog

Humor at the Speed of Life

www.kismaslife.com/

tybeetabby

Come and enjoy the beach with me!

Sylvain LANDRY

Photographe Reims France

The Mottled Macaroon

Brought to you by caffeine and wishful thinking...

The Girl Who Clicked

Exploring my passion for photography one click at a time!

The Daily Post

The Art and Craft of Blogging

Evil Squirrel's Nest

Where all the cool squirrels hang out!

Travelling Crone

Woman travelling solo through the world and life.

  • Follow Following
    • jennsmidlifecrisis
    • Join 601 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • jennsmidlifecrisis
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...