The Beacon is Lit

13 Tuesday Jun 2017

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

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What mid-life crisis would be complete without wearing something completely inappropriate and totally embarrassing to my pre-teen in public?

I know the focus of my blog posts has shifted lately from pushing myself to try new things to sitting back and observing (and laughing through) the opera of the every day.

Life literally abounds in comedy if you just look around you – Mel Brooks

I think it’s been a combination of learning to be content with where I am and learning to laugh wherever that may be, plus a combination of the usual lack of time, energy, motivation, cash, and inspiration. BUT – inspiration took form one sunny day last Summer, as I perused the racks and racks of lycra postage-stamp-sized bikinis.
And I thought to myself:

inappropriate? Check!
totally embarrassing for offspring? Check!
In my size? Sold!

What was I waiting for?

Pinterest.com

I can remember wearing a bikini outside the confines of my bedroom, only twice: my Mom’s bikini with little kittens when I was 8, and a black bikini heavily veiled under a thick t-shirt when I was pregnant with Little Guy! It’s now or never!

So I bought a black bikini top last Summer, brought it home and promptly buried it in my room. Every time I found it, I’d stare at it and ask myself, “what was I thinking?”

***

I dug it out on the weekend because we had been invited to a “pool party”.
But would I carry through…

Step 1: Put on bikini.

It sounded so simple until it came time to do it and I nearly dislocated my shoulder trying to snap it up behind. After fumbling for several minutes, I used the “tried and true” technique – do it up in the front where you can actually see what you’re doing, and slide it around. Check!

Step 2: Stand in front of mirror for closer inspection.

I tripped over a shoe because I was wrestling with step 3.

Step 3: Put hand over mouth to stifle scream and open eyes.

It looked fantastic…in the dark. The curtains were tightly drawn; the door closed. The lights off. And everyone in the house had been warned within an inch of their life to leave me alone!

Step 4: Turn on the lights and inspect.

Once my eyes adjusted to the glare of the light off my abdomen, and the initial shock wore off, I moved in for a closer inspection. Stand up straight, suck it in, smile and turn…?

Undecided and out of time, I threw on a sundress and prayed for rain!

***

Most of the husbands (and teenagers) didn’t make it to the party, which increased my comfort level significantly. But I still wasn’t convinced the world was ready for this! I wasn’t convinced I was ready for this! Instead, I hoisted my skirts and dilly-dallied on the steps in the shallow end. That is, until the women moved to the hot tub and urged me to join them.

Moment of truth…

Gondor_ed

No asked me to leave or called Greenpeace to deal with a beached whale.

The horrified glint in Little Guy’s eyes confirmed that I had not failed my duty to embarrass!

The heavens didn’t fall from the sky.

But yes…the beacon is lit!

The Path to Bikinis…

08 Friday Jun 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

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bathing suit, bikini, fashion, history

It’s warming up again and bathing suit season is fast approaching – way too fast in my opinion!! Why do those who shouldn’t wear bikinis, insist on wearing bikinis? I’m want to celebrate their confidence, but aren’t there some things that are just better left to the imagination? How has swimwear changed over the last hundred years or so, and when did modesty go out the window?

In the 18th century, “bathing” was fashionable but exposed skin mustn’t be touched by the sun. I can’t imagine wearing a long-sleeved gown over pants, a short scarf, kid gloves, and sandals, to the beach. Some ladies even added weights to the hem of their gowns to keep their legs covered.

In the 1890s, women wore the more familiar black, knee-length, puffed-sleeve wool dress, often with a sailor collar, and worn over bloomers with ribbons and bows. Don’t forget to accessorize with long black stockings, bathing slippers, and cap.

Camouflaging the female form (I like that idea) started to change in 1910 with one piece garments made from a wool knit that fit when dry, but sagged and dragged when wet. More skin was exposed between the bottom of the suit and the top of the stockings. Shocking!

Corset manufacturers tapped into the bathing suit market in the 1940’s by designing garments that hid faults in a woman’s shape by adding stretch tummy control panels, as well as bra cups and boning for bust support (yeah Baby)! Add halter top and skirted bottoms made from cotton with a jersey knit lining. Accessorize with a sun hat and sun glasses!

By the 1950’s, Moms and daughters wore matching suits, and the combination of pink and black was popular. An early form of spandex was being used to make the suits more figure-flattering. Boy legs were introduced in the late 1950’s. Suits were also fancier with dressmaker touches like rick-rack trim and buttons. Matching skirts worn over the suit made them look like a sundress. And don’t forget your flowered bathing cap to protect your perfect hair-do!

Two piece suits became popular in the 1960’s which led to the popularity of bikinis in the 1970’s. Bikinis have been recorded in 200 A.D. but not patented until 1946. Bikinis keep shrinking – the G-string or even more revealing, the thong also called the Brazilian tanga.

And that is where I’m stopping… because I have never had the confidence to wear a bikini, even when I still had the figure for it…and all this talk about bathing suits is depressing…maybe I’ll be pro-active and go for a long walk — there’s a convenience store close by and I meet O Henry there!