Dear Quarantine Diary – Week #20

Tags

bees, biking, covid-19 diary, covid-19 humour, dear diary, fire trucks, garden, humour, neighbours

Dear Diary – Call me Gladys Kravitz. Just like the nosey neighbour in Bewitched, I keep an eye on my neighbours. I see your deliveries. I see your unauthorized gatherings. This week, I called Fire Prevention Services, twice. (They also hung up on me, twice). You can’t burn leaves (or even have a campfire) within town limits without a permit. I have overlooked little campfires, but when the plume of thick, black smoke rises 20ft in the air, covering the neighbourhood like a blanket, and it looks like your whole house is on fire, I’m callin’ it! The fire department has to catch you in the act and when I squealed called about the second neighbour, they sent a truck. Love those red trucks! So, yeah. I’m that neighbour…

Pinterest

Dear Diary – I have continued with physio torture therapy on a weekly basis. I had no idea that an elastic band could become a feared instrument of torture, or that my posture would threaten the friendly relationship I’m trying to maintain with my torturer therapist. Yesterday she gave me a deep massage by grinding my spine with her elbow! I feel like I’ve been in a car wreck. But on the plus side, I probably won’t have to shave my head because I can put my hair in a ponytail again. I’m still working on putting on my bra like a normal person. Little Guy, who has always been extremely flexible and boasts several double joints, continues to taunt me whenever he sees me doing my exercises. He can pop things that I didn’t know could pop. His body sounds like a haunted house, with creaky doors, squeaky floors and weird thumps in the night. It’s scary!

Dear Diary – While churches remain limited to 10 people on a Sunday morning, our church has elected to livestream services rather than use recordings. While I’m sorry the scheduled musician wasn’t feeling well, I was excited to be asked to join in. On Sunday morning, I put on a dress and high heels, fixed my hair and put on make-up. It felt SO good. I haven’t attended a church service since March 2020! We spread out on the platform and only removed our masks to sing. Which was a challenge for me. I had 2 in-ear monitors and a mic that hooks over one ear, all of which had to be attached under the elastics of my facemask. And every time I removed the facemask, inevitably something would fall off. I never did get the in-ear monitors to stay for the last song. Still, it was wonderful to sing and play in a group again, and most of all, to lift my voice to the Lord (and not worry about who I was irritating in the house).

Dear Diary – I ordered stuff for Hubby for Father’s Day, and after it arrived I realized I probably could have shopped for me too. Missed opportunity!

Dear Diary – Facebook shared another memory this week from Hubby. He wrote: “Here’s a picture of Jenn going up hill. She said that it was so easy for her. Hmmmm!”

It was the one time he took me mountain biking. Downhill wasn’t a problem, but that bridge nearly killed me. Don’t worry – I found the shoe I lost, and a tree broke my fall. Good times!

I haven’t been on my bike since.

Dear Diary – I was really excited to share one of my latest songs with my Intro to Comedy Writing class Tuesday night. I even worked up the nerve to sing it. It didn’t get rave reviews. Maybe I need to ham it up more? Or maybe you have to be a gamer to get it?

I’m A Gamer

verse 1
I can’t shoot stupid people, but in a virtual world
I can get lots of satisfaction
I get to be the hero, I am never a zero
I’m a gamer and I rule that world

chorus:
I’m a gamer, I’m a gamer
I’m a gamer, and I rule that world

verse2

In the real world I am no one, but in a virtual world
I’m a fighter with lots of passion
I am strong and fierce and sexy, don’t ever mess with me
I’m a gamer and I rule that world

bridge:
I can be a spartan like masterchief
A battle angel bringing both mercy and grief
Laura Croft, or a grand car thief
A master builder, an Olympic athlete

verse 3
My children ignore me but in a virtual world
They have reason to fear me plenty
They no longer think I’m lame
I wish the real world was the same
I’m a gamer and I rule that world

Final Chorus:

I’m a gamer, I’m a gamer,
I’m a gamer and I rule that world
I’m the Queen in that world
I wish it was the real world

Dear Diary – Our house is being patrolled. On Monday, I noticed a large bumblebee hovering over our back porch stairs. I wondered if it was admiring our lilac tree, which is in full bloom, just as much as I was. Or maybe, he was meeting someone he met online. Or he was blind and he could smell the lilacs but a misguided sense of direction kept him from them. Whatever the reason, I watched him for a while and discovered there was a flight pattern, and he was chasing anything with wings.

I don’t have wings, but I didn’t know if he’d chase me. I wanted to plant the herb seeds I ordered. Maybe he’d go away after awhile?

This may be the closest I get to an herb garden.

Hours later, he was still flying his beat. I tried simulating rain with the hose, but he’d just fly out of range of the water and hover, confused. I went on with planting, careful to avoid him as much as possible. He only bounced off my forehead once.

I looked it up. Our bumblebee is a carpenter bee and he’s guarding a nest. Carpenter bees burrow into wood and lay eggs. The female will feed the babies while the males patrol. Though aggressive, he has no stinger, but he can still “bee” annoying for most of the summer!

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I’ll be watching you.

The Police, Every Breath You Take

Love, Sweat and Gears

Tags

biking, faith, family, tea

…a morning without caffeine is like sleep…so if I don’t have an XL steeped tea (completely unadulterated by milk or sugar) from Tim Horton’s by 6:30 tomorrow morning, I can’t be held responsible for any paperwork I may (or may not) fill out.

Little Guy, Big Guy, and I will be volunteering, and Hubby will be riding, in the annual Ride for Refuge. I could ride my bike too, but since I can count the number of times I’ve been on a bike in the last 18 years on one hand, I thought it would be best if I didn’t try it. The last time I was on a bike (I Survived Mountain Biking), a tree broke my fall. I shudder to think what would happen if I were to ride on the city streets!

The Ride for Refuge helps churches and charities support people who are displaced, vulnerable, and exploited. These include those who are uprooted by war and political conflict, marginalized by gender discrimination and racial prejudice, and abused by the powerful.

70% of all donations in the Ride for Refuge are disbursed to participating churches and charities that raise a minimum of $4000. In 2011, the RIDE raised $1,252,580 in support of 175 approved registered charities who used our unique RIDE Partner Grant (RPG) Program. Last year, $60,000 of that was from our community, and we had around 400 riders come through the doors. We even had a family that chose to ride on unicycles…

Last year I worked in the kitchen. I had to be at the church before 6:30 a.m. in order to make coffee and tea, especially for the workers who were sitting in their cars on the side of the road at the checkpoints. It was a cold and drizzly day too. Then I had to help peel dozens of eggs and stand on a chair in order to mash them. I wasn’t tall enough to reach into the bottom of the really BIG pot… We served egg salad sandwiches and tomato soup to some pretty hungry, damp riders at lunch time…and then clean up all the dishes. We were pretty tired by the end, and even had one helper fall asleep on the kitchen floor. I’ve never known anyone who could fall asleep any where…and I’m not sure that was the safest or cleanest place.

This year, Little Guy will be handing out t-shirts to riders and Big Guy will be setting up checkpoints along the route. I will be registering riders…which means I have to at least look awake and be pleasant. Hence the XL steeped tea! I’m not a morning person…I can’t wait to see how well this goes. So tomorrow morning, while you’re lying in a cozy bed enjoying the puffy pillows, or sipping freshly brewed coffee while reading the Saturday funnies, have a laugh at my expense. I dare you!

I survived Mountain Biking!

Tags

adventure, biking, family, food, humour, photography

I survived and I’m still (more or less) intact!

The morning started a bit overcast, but once Little Guy was at school, Hubby started putting the bike rack on his car (“Nice rack, baby”) and loading our bikes. Mine is so small it barely fits…and it’s steel, not aluminum, so it’s heavier to lift (and take up the hills). He even took it for a ride to adjust the gears so I wasn’t starting in 5th gear. Meanwhile, I was digging for something to wear (it’s important to at least look the part), and to find my helmet, garden gloves (I chose the blue ones to match my outfit – I’m such a girl), as well as my book, and hair barrettes. I took a dose of ibuprofen and used the bathroom several times – pre-emptive strikes!

On the way, Hubby offered this advice: Don’t start in high gear – kick into ‘granny’ gear b/f stopping. Going uphill, kick into ‘granny’ gear before slowing down too much and it starts to hurt! Likewise, going down or on the flat before a hill, pick a higher gear. No “wind milling”. Got it! Now how do I change gears?

My bike is the clean, white one!

We started with a gradual slope, but around the corner it got steeper. Hubby told me I’d be breathing heavy in 30 seconds…it was more like 15 seconds! And I scrubbed my calf on a pedal, drawing blood in a claw-like scratch. My first injury. Woo hoo!

We went down another path that was supposedly easier that the first, with a mixture of meandering ups and downs. I loved the speed and heightened senses going down, the same rush as when I was a kid. It would have been even better if I could quit hitting the biggest rocks and tree limbs on the path. I know you’re not supposed to look at the obstacles so you don’t steer into them, but I seemed to hit every single one anyway! I usually didn’t make it up the hill – it would depend on how steep it was, as well as how rubbery my legs were feeling. It got remarkably easier as we went along. I figured out how to change gears most of the time (change to 1, not 7)…at times it was as if I wasn’t riding at all.

Oh, yeah! Hubby offered to help a couple of times. We took several breaks and enjoyed the atmosphere – flowers, birds, chipmunks, mosquitoes…

Finally we reached a fairly straight path along the bottom of the valley, where a boardwalk had been built in places. Hubby yelled back simple instructions as I raced along, “just pop the front wheel when you hit the edge of the bridge and keep going”. No problem – pop the wheel, stop suddenly and fall sideways off the bridge. Don’t worry – the thick mud and clay, and the multiple rotten tree limbs and branches broke my fall. I only slid a short distance because the tree my head bounced off was pretty solid! I just lay there awhile, giving Hubby a thumbs-up so he knew I was still alive. He pulled my bike out of the mud, the handle at least 2″ deep in mud, and helped haul me up as well. I had flown a pretty good distance, plus it was downhill off the side of that bridge. I was a little covered in mud all the way around my shoulder, down one arm, down one leg and…where was my shoe?

We kept going but at the next bridge, I wrenched my shoulder (already in full arthritic flare-up) so I suggested we head back to the car. And yes, I did make it on to the wooden path this time! We had covered quite a distance (for me) and I remembered at least one long run that I had to struggle back up! I didn’t even try – I walked it!

Coming out from the parking lot, we met a farmer at an intersection on the edge of the village. He accelerated and dumped his load of hay, so Hubby went out to help him. I was less embarrassed when we went in the village diner for a bite because I wasn’t the only one dishevelled and covered in nature! We ended our “tour” with a banquet burger with everything on it! I earned it! Home to clean up, pack and head out of town to my parents for the long weekend (it ended up only being a 4 hour drive).

I survived the adventure – and I have lots of scratches and bruises to prove it. Lots of pretty colours! And I would do it again in a heart beat!

Wish Me Luck: Mountain Biking?

Tags

adventure, biking, family, humour, laugh, midlife crisis

If I don’t post on Monday, you will know that I have perished in my latest adventure. I wish you all the very best, and I have so enjoyed becoming part of the blogging community. I have met many interesting people, with eclectic passions, and I have been richly blessed by you. Thank you!

Hubby took the day off and is very excited that I agreed to go mountain biking with him. He took it up last year as either part of his mid-life crisis, or his brothers…? I’m not really sure.

Last summer, we all bought new bikes and I did ride mine…for maybe a minute. I can’t tell you when I rode a bike before that. I used to ride my bike a lot when I was a kid. I loved to fly down the hills, and when I got older, I would take long leisurely rides along the country road on the outskirts of town. Then Big Guy came along and all my energy went into school and keeping up with him! And when we moved to the city, I was terrified of taking my bike out even on the sidewalks. I remember running behind Big Guy teaching him to ride, and in high school, he confidently rode on the city streets.

So, over 20 years later, my red 10-speed bike is still sitting in the shed, totally seized up. Hence, the new bike. I’ve been slowly seizing up over the years too, and I’m curious to see just how well this adventure goes. It could be good for a laugh. I’ll pack a book and a snack in case I don’t get too far – I can always sit in the car while Hubby does his run. I have no issues with peeing in the bushes. Otherwise, I’ve given him permission to bury my body in the woods – it would be easier than trying to drag me up and down the hills, although I’m close to 10 lbs lighter than last year. He might come back for me….we’ll never know.

Hubby’s Mid-Life Crisis?

Tags

bike, biking, humour, midlife crisis, spider

Hubby was very excited this weekend – it’s time to “suit up”! With the lovely weather, the trails have dried up and having just purchased a new “biking wardrobe” at a Sporting Show, Hubby was more than thrilled to plan his first biking excursion since late last Fall. I should clarify – I’m talking about mountain/off-road biking, as opposed to “on the road” cycling. Thankfully “suiting up” doesn’t mean spandex bike shorts – but he now owns proper bike shorts (i.e., strategically placed padding), a fancy shirt (i.e., breathable fabric so I can breathe when he comes home all sweaty), gloves, and a camel-back backpack (it holds a bag of water so his hands are free, and it has a straw so he can drink lots of water, and then pee in the bushes)!

Hubby became enthusiastic about biking last year, but I’m not sure if this is part of his mid-life crisis, or if he’s joined his brother. In any event, his body is starting to creak and groan, and he’s realizing, like the rest of us, he’s getting old(er). He’s 10 years ahead of me (I liked pointing out that I’m his young, hot wife…but with hot flashes around the corner, that expression is taking on new meaning). Who knows what I’ll be doing in 10 years! Maybe I’ll be interested in hurtling down dirt narrow paths, barrelling between trees, and getting lost in the woods too! I should also mention that he rides with his brother, and they like to hit the trails not long after the sun has risen! If I had my way, I wouldn’t consider rolling out of bed before 10 a.m. I enjoy sunrises…in photographs!

So far, he’s only had 1 major accident, and he walked away from it. It was a fast way to make his brand new bike look not so brand new! But with the exception of a few scuffs, it survived too. Hubby was bloody, muddy and scuffed as well, and very proudly showed me his wounds, with a big silly grin on his face. He asked me to take pictures and posted them on Facebook. I did! He lost the grin the next day when the adrenaline had worn off, and the pain set in. Still, he hasn’t been deterred.

So, Saturday afternoon he carefully packed his bags, wiped down his bike, and spent the night at his brother’s place, so they could get an early start. I spent Saturday night watching a Sandra Bullock movie, while writing 5 business blogs, doing 2 loads of laundry, organizing my music & stuff to copy at the church, making a card, and cleaning up from the workshop I’d taught that afternoon. The only difficult part of the evening was when I realized there was a spider on the ceiling, and Hubby wasn’t home to “defend me”. I can’t imagine what anyone walking by would have thought if they’d looked in to see a grown woman in her pjs, standing on a chair in the middle of the living room. I was spraying the spider with insecticide from a safe distance…but needed the chair to remotely reach said spider. I stayed on the chair for awhile since it escaped the fumes by swooping to the floor, and terrorizing me from below. Ugh!

Hubby bought his new bike last year – I learned more about bikes…than I probably wanted to know! We also bought a new bike for me – it’s white and sporty looking (I didn’t want an “old lady” bike…just yet). I haven’t been on a bike in probably 15 years, or more! I used to ride a lot – loved to hurtle down hills as a kid. I’ve taken a few headers too – my face broke the worst fall. I can say that I was on my bike last year – one time – for about 1 minute. I will endeavour to get out again soon, so I can ride with Little Guy (once he masters his fears and learns to ride too). In the meantime, I’ll leave the adrenaline rush to Hubby and let him enjoy his mid-life crisis without me!