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jennsmidlifecrisis

jennsmidlifecrisis

Tag Archives: beauty

Beach Babe? Hmm…

24 Friday Aug 2018

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

beach, beauty, humiliation, humour


I look my best when I’m totally free, on holiday, walking on the beach.
– Rosamund Pike

Of course, Rosamund Pike is a blonde, almost 5’9″ actress who could look her best wearing a hazmat suit in the middle of a garbage dump. And sadly, a number of the woman I saw at the beach last week would have looked more attractive in a hazmat suit rather than the skintight shifts and stringy ensembles I saw. Those sparkly and stretchy bikinis would be flattering on Rosamund Pike, but not so much on Roseanne Barr. If I sound judgmental, I probably am, and for good reason. There was a lot of flesh on that beach. Mine included. I had had high hopes for a beach-ready body…in January. But as we all know, the “road to hell is paved with good intentions”. And I didn’t quite make it.

Even Castles made of sand, fall into the sea, eventually. –  Jimi Hendrix

We’re not all itty-bitty; some of us are full-figured gals. Some of us have had kids. Some us have had health concerns, and accidents, and struggles with that extra pound, who kept coming back with friends. Some of us were born with confidence, while others of us were born fabulous but took longer to figure it out. We weren’t created equal (only some of us were born the perfect height! Just kidding)! Who’s to say we aren’t all beach babes with perfect beach bodies?

So…last year I decided that if I’m going to wear a bikini, it has to be now. I bought one and I wore it…once. This year, feeling less confident, I braved the humiliation and bought a new suit. And I wore said suit to the beach…twice. I even hinted to Hubby that he should take my picture (digital cameras make it easier to “erase” the record of “horrors”). Based on his reluctance, I’m guessing he thought it was a trap!

But on our last trip to the beach, I started to wonder if I’d regret not wearing it, just once, to the beach. I mean, I wore it in the canoe, covered fully by shorts and a tee. After all, I had already “lit the beacon for Gondor” with my pasty white skin. Green Peace was not called. No one was blinded. Children were not traumatized. The Earth didn’t cease to spin.  And I had already seen some suits of all sorts on, well…on all sorts, so I to braved it. With a skirt wrap. Let’s not be ridiculous!

As for the photo, I’ve decided to keep it. But…

DSCN5437 (2) (800x600)

…retain some semblance of dignity)!

We all have hourglass figures; your sand just settles in different places.
– Octavia Spencer

Happy Weekend!

A picture of me?

19 Friday Oct 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Foolishness

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

beauty, humour


Today’s post will be short and sweet – just like me! Actually, it will be short because I was out last night (remarkably mobile considering the grueling workout I had with our Mudder trainer. I know I was working hard because my glasses kept fogging up when we were cooling down. Good thing our instructor was talking through the cool down or I would have been lost). I was at the Worship Team…Worship Band…practice (I still don’t know what to call us…) When Hubby hears “band practice”, he comes out with the one-liner “…and then one time at band camp…” and anyone who knew me in high school would think concert band – I was first flute. (Doesn’t that scream “popular”?!?) But I digress…we’re leading worship on Sunday.

Today, I am attending a church leadership conference…I’m not really sure why I was asked, although I have my suspicions, and I didn’t ask any questions because my mind was working on 2 other jobs at the same time and I wasn’t paying attention. (I can admit that because anyone concerned by that statement is probably at the conference with me).

 So much for short and sweet…

Someone asked me recently why I have no photos of me (or rather no clear photos of me). Plain and simple – I like the anonymity! I prefer to think that anyone reading my blog is picturing me as a tall, hot babe with a witty sense of humour and a big rack. I’m being honest! Would readers be disappointed if they saw me? Potentially. Am I supposed to care if they are? No – but sometimes I do (pardon me, my insecurity is showing).

 For the truly interested, there have been clues in my blog posts as to my true appearance, as well as a few “unclear” pictures. I’ll give you a hint: search for “beauty” and “mountain biking” (they were flattering angles). But to satisfy the bold babe who asked, here’s a reasonable facsimile!

 

 “Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can”. – Elsa Maxwell

 Happy Weekend!

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