To My Sons

Tags

adventure, advice, blessing, children, family, humour, laugh, parent

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” –Elizabeth Stone

Someday you will understand. Someday, you will, I hope, be a parent too, and you will understand how much your children shape and reshape you. You will experience the pain and the joy that comes from giving your heart away. You will examine your character, your relationships, and your decisions through new eyes. You will see life through the eyes of a child, and your soul will thrill to see beauty and innocence again. It is an indescribable adventure and a lifelong journey. I am privileged to share it with you.

I wanted to be a “good” and “fun” and “perfect” Mom…the kind who baked cookies and milk, who never lost her temper, who always took time to listen. I wanted to roll out of bed in the morning with a song on my lips. I wanted to be the one to wipe away your tears, and chase away your fears. To be your greatest cheerleader. To never miss celebrating a special moment. I wanted to be Mrs. Cleaver…able to gracefully solve any problem in half an hour or less. I wanted to be a “good” and “perfect” Mom…

Instead, you got a real Mom…I baked cookies (that were often burned or funny looking) and bandaged boo-boos. I tried to pay attention and never turn you away, even in the middle of the night. But I know I didn’t always do it gracefully. I didn’t always keep my temper, or put my “listening ears” on. I failed in many ways, and you will too. Humble yourself before your children when you need to – they love you any way. Treat each day as a new beginning.

Sing loudly even when you don’t know the words…make up your own. It doesn’t matter if they’re super silly or they don’t rhyme. Words like “poop” will always get a laugh. Pick dandelions. Blow bubbles. Make faces. Play. (actually that’s good advice even when you don’t have kids…)

I hope that I have given you some happy memories – things like snuggling on the couch, rescuing worms on rainy days, arts & crafts, and bedtime stories. Savour these little moments – you are giving the gift of time. Children never remember the “big” moments, the ones that adults think are important. Plan “big” moments any way!

Pray without ceasing. It is the only way that you will begin to have the strength, patience, and wisdom you will need for each day, from diapers to driving lessons, and everything in between and beyond. It is one of the most important things you can do for them, and for you!

There are many memories that I treasure in my heart. To Big Guy: “I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be”. To Little Guy: “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray…” You guys are the biggest part of my “story” – some day I’ll tell you more.    Love ya’

Mom xoxo

V.I.P. Room

Tags

adventure, faith, humour, music

If 42 is ” Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything”, what question is answered by 43? I guess, starting today, I have a year to find out. But before I said “Ciao” to 42, I took on one more adventure…

The whole time I felt like this:

“…You see, there’s the high-fliers, like Annabel and Mark Darcy, and there’s the gorgeous girls, like Rebecca there and there’s the rest of us…I mean, look at the state of us. You and me stumbled into the V.l.P. room by mistake and it’s only a matter of moments before they show us the door.” – Bridget Jones 2: Edge of Reason

Monday & Tuesday were no exception. But I learned a few things while hanging out here…

…as a singer with a group of phenomenal musicians as the worship team for a regional gathering of pastors, missionaries and “V.I.Ps”!

[Bonus: it meant getting some of the band together again…]

Graham & Sam

I learned:

• High-heeled boots look great, but don’t feel great after 12 hours.
• It’s important to make sure your pants are done up before rehearsal, not after.
• Wear anti-perspirant! Lots of it!
• No matter how early it is in the morning, “paint the barn door”. Your self-esteem will thank you.
• Eating blueberry pie while wearing a white jacket is either incredibly courageous or incredibly stupid.
• Recognizing and respecting the gifts of others, creating space to let them shine, really does create a better sound and stronger team.
• Mics get moist.
• I still have no clue what to do with my hands.
• Focusing on how awkward you think you look, will probably make you look even more awkward than you feel.
• Don’t get dressed in the dark. You might end up wearing the pants that slide down (and take your underwear down too).
• Don’t tell people you’re wearing the wrong pants…
• Blame the bass player.
• Beating the morning people to rehearsal and showing up with your own Tim Horton’s is an awesome way to start the day.
• A “team” can be strong when everyone focuses on one purpose, even though the team just met.
• Balancing fluid intake, bodily functions, and time, is precarious business.

* * *

How I came to be there was completely a God-thing. It meant early mornings, long hours, and new songs. It meant working with new people, and blending as a team. We sang different styles of music,  with drums and guitars, keys and wind instruments. Sometimes I sang melody and sometimes harmony (sometimes both in the same song) but no one asked me to stop!

It was so much fun…I felt like a rock star.

I also felt humbled. As I sang and worshipped, I saw others worshipping freely in the style and expression of their hearts and experiences, not because of something I was doing, but by the Spirit. I was humbled that someone as ordinary as me, someone who clearly doesn’t belong in the V.I.P. room, was allowed to hang out anyway…right in the middle…

(…in my oversized gray shirt and baggy jeans. Note to self: skinny clothes)

* * *

Happy Weekend…I have some chocolate cake to devour in my oversized pjs to prepare for the next mid-life crisis! It could happen at any moment!

 

CMS 2015

Tags

adventure, faith, music, worship

At 5 a.m. on Friday, the moon was partially full with clouds scuttling across it. The birds were singing in stereo. I know this because I was taking out the trash while I waited for my ride. I even watched the sunrise over the water Friday morning, and day-dreamed about my bed at home.

I spent Friday and Saturday at the Christian Musicians Summit, but I felt a bit out of place. The Summit included corporate worship times, as well as sessions for lead worshipers, musicians, technicians, songwriters, and artists. I didn’t realize what a big deal it was until I looked at the website Thursday afternoon. Some of the clinicians and worship leaders are well-respected in the industry, like Matthew West, Rebecca St. James, Lincoln Brewster, and Mia Fieldes. So I went emergency shopping – I needed snacks and clothes! I wanted to look cool, but not like mutton dressed up as lamb.

From 9-5, I attended intense workshops and experienced amazing worship times.

In the evenings, I danced at the rock concerts. I was among the oldest in my immediate group, and the most active. What can I say? I just wanted to have fun! (And I was extremely tired and had been without caffeine for more than 24 hours…) I think they thought I was nuts!

For the past year or more, I have had questions that weigh heavily on my mind. Someone had asked me if I was a worship leader, and I didn’t know how to answer. I’m not sure what my role is? Where I fit in? What I’m supposed to be doing, or how I can grow? There’s no rubric or job description when you’re involved in a ministry; no road map pointing out the direction to go. The “constructive criticism” (or the omission of comment) has been wearing away my confidence. I am often my own worst enemy as I wrestle with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. But I still want to give my best to God and be obedient, wherever, and however I may be called. I have so much from this weekend to digest. But I can say that as I watched the sun set over the water coming home Saturday night, I am feeling refreshed.

Happy Weekend

Tags

adventure, humour

Happy weekend everyone! I’m off on an adventure that started at 4 a.m. and I’m hoping I”ll have some cool stories to share next week. I just hope none of them involve border security guards or potty breaks on the side of the Interstate. My biggest fear isn’t getting lost in another country, or looking like a dork in the crowd (got that one covered), but needing to “go” when there’s no where to “go”! The older you get, the greater a concern it becomes!

Maybe I’ll pack some t.p. just in case!

Cheers!

Circus for a Psycho

Tags

adventure, frustration, humour

It should have been a simple errand. 20 minutes. 30 minutes top! The route was straightforward, and even swung by a Tim Horton’s. I was headed to the Crisis Pregnancy Centre (no, there’s nothing to report) to pick up baby bathtubs filled with baby bottles. They’re part of a joint fundraiser between the centre and the churches in the area.

It should have been simple.

And it was. At first. I made good time, hitting mostly green lights. Next was the highway where I had to turn left…and I couldn’t. The road was blocked by construction. If I had known there was construction, I could have turned sooner and avoided the whole mess. But I didn’t.

I kept going, thinking I could turn around, head north and turn right at the light. But the traffic heading north stretched for a mile or more. A 6 month old could crawl faster. I turned left at the next traffic light onto a quiet residential street to consult my thick map book. The solution was simple…go back where I was, head south to 14^th, turn left…head to 9^th, turn left and so on. Simple.

I was still confident in my ability to navigate this slight detour until 9^th ended in a wall of construction. There were no detour signs (or construction workers) and I had to make a split-second decision – left or right. I turned left and spent the next 10 minutes touring a subdivision with street names like Purple Finch and Toad Lily. I pulled off once to check my map book but couldn’t find any of these street names. My map book was dated 2006. Mother’s Day idea?

I finally weaved my way back to where I had turned left and went straight (as if I had turned right instead). The road curved around to commercial civilization. At least I could stop for directions without worrying that my body would end up in the river. (Of course, you never know about the “people of Wal-Mart”.) It wasn’t until the road curved east again that I started to worry. It was nearly 2 p.m. and I was starting to feel a little panicky. I didn’t know where I was or how to get back to my own neighbourhood, and I had to be at the school by 3.

I finally gave in and stopped at a bank. It was in the middle of a field, the first building constructed and open in an area where clearly there was more to come. I grabbed the address and my keys, and ran inside.

It took me a few minutes to find someone in the bank. I was beginning to fear that something horrible had happened, like a bank robbery that ended badly for the employees. I’ve already witnessed an armed robbery and would rather not repeat the experience. The clerk I finally found was very pleasant (even though I may have woken her from her nap). I practically vomited out my sad story…where I was going, the fact that I had hit construction in crucial intersections…twice, and that I was very lost. Could she tell me how to get back to the highway?

She told me not to worry, that she was good at directions. She grabbed a blank piece of paper and a pen…and stared at them, hemming and hawing. I could feel tears starting to well in my eyes. Was this the end?

“GIYF” – Google is your friend. She went to Google maps and looked up the bank! Then she inarticulately started to point out where we were on the map, in relation to the highway. I did my best to follow her babbling, while squinting at the screen. In my haste, I hadn’t taken time to exchange my prescription sunglasses for my regular glasses. With the sunglasses on, I couldn’t see the screen. With my sunglasses off, I couldn’t see the screen.

“Good luck,” she yelled, as I dashed back to the car and started to retrace my steps. The speakers in my car were blaring a Skillet song, “Circus for a Psycho” and my heart was pounding in time to the beat. My only hope was that my aging brain could retain the names and squiggles on the map I had just viewed online. Hope can be a tenuous thing. It was nearly 2:15! Within minutes, I was not only on the highway, but pulling into my destination. I had been so close.

I picked up my baby bathtubs and asked for directions to the main road that would lead me back to work. I knew my friend’s house was nearby so I was feeling more optimistic (as well as a growing need to pee). I navigated down one one-way street, and then another, before circling the final block to the main road…which was choked by 2 long lines of construction vehicles. Now the speakers in my car were blaring “The Madness in Me” and I could feel the madness escaping. The rest of the trip is a blur. I know I made it back to work just in time to head to the school. When I got to the school, the parking lot was blocked by construction…

“Circus for a psycho
(Psycho, go, go, go)
Circus for a psycho
(Psycho, here we go)”

– Skillet, Circus for a Psycho

Weekly Photo Challenge: Reward

Tags

adventure, DP, DP Challenge, Photo Challenge, photography, Weekly Photo Challenge

I dug into my Archives for this week’s photo…all the way back to 1999. The camera I used was my Dad’s point and shoot camera and I was on the trip of a lifetime with my Mom. I started saving for a trip to Europe when I was 8 years old. I saved my allowance and my birthday money. I saved the money from my babysitting jobs, and my first “real” job at the market.

In the Summer of 1998, Hubby commented that he’d really like to take a white water kayaking course…that simple comment started a conversation that led to me taking a 10 day bus trip through Italy, Switzerland, France and England with my Mom.

So while this photo may not be phenomenal, the fact that I took it is my reward for my years of sacrifice and savings!

To see more Reward photos from other photographers, click here.

Everything was Awesome!

Tags

adventure, family, humour, Lego

We met Dan, one of 8 Lego Master Builders in the world. And yes, everything was awesome! Except for my hair…I was too lazy to shower Saturday morning and chose instead to slap on a scarf as a headband and keep my head down…What were the chances that I would run into anyone important…

Little Guy, Big Guy and I ventured to our local big chain book store Saturday afternoon, totally unaware that a Lego event was about to take place, an event that had sold out days before. When we walked in the store, Little Guy was offered a free golden ticket. He wasn’t sure he wanted it but it wasn’t hard to talk him into it. If I was between the ages of 8 and 14, I would have snatched it in an instant.

Excitedly, we lined up at the back of the store with the other excited parents…and their kids. Little Guy kept flashing me disdainful looks, but I was behaving. I only grinned at him from ear to ear every time he did it…he didn’t know that all he had to do was smile back and I would leave him alone!

We were escorted into the Lego domain by good-looking, college-aged students in bright yellow aprons and given a plastic baggie to fill with our supplies. Two tables filled with bins of yellow, white, blue and black Lego stretched across the room, and each bin had a number to tell us how many pieces of each to put in our baggies. Then we were escorted to a table with instructions to build a Lego book.

Little Guy was almost finished his book when the big announcement came. “Ladies, Gentlemen and kids of all ages – please join me in welcoming Dan, Master Lego Builder”! The music swelled and we all cheered. Dan, a mild-mannered 50ish man in a blue lab coat, welcomed us and showed us some of the things we could build with the pieces we were given. Then we were encouraged to “get building”.

In less than 30 seconds, Little Guy was done his book and we lined up to meet Dan. He got his book signed but declined to get his picture taken. If I was having a better hair day, I would have volunteered*. It was awesome!

Dan – Lego Master Builder

*please keep in mind I just spent a week popping cold medication, and cooped up in the house with a quarantined child who never stops talking…playing Minecraft!

Officially Unretired

Tags

adventure, family, humour, working

The leaves are changing, marking the change of seasons, but there is more of a dampness in the air than a crispness! Today marks a change of seasons for me too – I am officially coming out of retirement after 8 years (5 days from now it would be to the day).

To be honest, I have mixed feelings about this new adventure. It was kind of nice to have a less structured routine than I will have with a regular work day. For example, if it was drizzling like it was yesterday, I could postpone or spread out grocery shopping instead of cramming those two (or three) stores into one morning adventure. I can no longer crawl back into bed for a post-school trip nap. And I can no longer eat cereal for lunch…in fact, I have to pack a lunch or risk starving to death… This job will seriously cut into my Guitar Hero and Portal 2 time – not to mention Netflix. My kitchen will continue to get painted at a glacial pace.

On the other hand, I will have a reason (4 days a week) to dress like an adult and wear heels. I’ll brush my hair and wear make-up most some of the time. I’ll have a paycheck again. And this office environment will certainly be a lot better than the one I left 8 years ago. Instead of working long hours and eating through lunch at my desk, hunched over in dark cubicle, I will have my own desk by a window in a brightly lit office. Instead of wandering through the underground stores and walkways when I did escape for lunch, I can walk outside in the fresh air. The commute is only 20 minutes in my own car instead of walking/standing on a windy corner when it’s -20C for a smelly bus that isn’t coming…to take you to an overstuffed train with cranky uptight latte-swilling people in suits! The hours are fantastic, allowing me to take Little Guy to school and pick him up again. And there are no lawyers!

This change of season will be an adjustment for the whole family. I will have to be even more organized if I’m to keep the office and home running smoothly. Hubby will have to take over a few of jobs at home. Little Guy will have to help out too – maybe make his own breakfast?

My days of watching my stories and eating bon-bons all day are over (yeah right)…but I suppose, if I ever get caught without a lunch, I could still pack my Cheerios!

Mud Hero (Part IV)

Tags

adventure, family, fitness, humour, midlife crisis, Mud Hero

Once upon a time, I had this crazy notion that I wanted to run in the mud. Somehow I convinced a perfectly sane person to run in the mud too…and she convinced others. And together we ran Mud Hero – a 6 km, 18 obstacle race!

***

Up to this point, my shoulders, face, ears, and hair were hardly splattered, and my shirt was still snow white (except for the large handprint Big Guy blessed me with back at Obstacle #4). I should have clued in when every person running toward me stopped to rinse their hands and sometimes faces. Obstacle #14 was a large slide into a mud pit. I climbed the rope to the platform (with boards to brace my feet on) with surprising ease…my weight-lifting efforts paid off after all. Then slid down – how hard is that? I was overconfident…I tried to slow down by bracing my feet against the sides…I really did…but my efforts proved to be futile…I might as well have just cannon-balled into that pit because when I hit, I went under…all the way under…I had mud everywhere (and trust me, there are places where you should never have mud – it’s just wrong!). The professional photographer caught that moment in two close-up shots. Too bad I can share them (I have to purchase them first)…

My glasses were coated and mud had splashed in one eye, so I could hardly see. As I struggled to climb out of the mud pit, my feet slipping in the thick, black muck, I heard a voice tell me to reach out my hand. I could see one of my team members, a knight in shining soiled armour, dark hair blowing in the wind, outstretched arm, and he helped pull me from the mire. He didn’t even stay long enough to give me a chance to say thank you…

Someone at the water station took pity on me and gave me a roll of toilet paper so I could wipe my eyes and glasses before heading to Obstacle #15. I remembered seeing this obstacle on the drive in earlier in the day. It required scaling a rock wall and sliding down a fire pole. Again, I scaled that wall with ferocious speed. I also slid down that pole with ferocious speed, thanks to the muddy hands that gone before me. The closer I got the ground, the faster I slid, the mud squishing between my fingers. I could hear a couple of girls trying to talk their friend down, telling her that the harder she gripped the pole, the slower she would slide. Liars!

I could tell we were nearing the end and even though my legs were sore, and my left knee was starting to complain, I made an effort to keep running. There was a young couple with a baby watching the path along the road, and the Mom raised the baby’s arms and cheered, so I raised my arms and cheered too. I really appreciated their encouragement!

Only 3 obstacles to go – the end was in nigh! Obstacle #16 seemed easy enough, until I was in the middle of it. The Lake Walk is appropriately named – walking in waist-deep water in a nebulous lake. It was a long walk, or perhaps it just seemed that way as I stumbled and my legs started to scream with every step. It was no longer about lung endurance – it was all about muscle endurance. I could feel fatigue washing over me…I was too tired to even try to wash off any mud. Once I reached the beach, it felt like everything around me was accelerating. I could hear cheering, a D.J. shouting, and loud music. The excitement was palpable…and hope was alive! I was going to survive.

Obstacle#17 was an inflatable slide, only this slide was higher and it didn’t have mud at the bottom. I scaled it with ease and tried not to scream on the way down. And then the final obstacle, the obstacle shown in photographs all over the website…the Dirtlicious Mud Crawl! I hear our leader shout, “it’s time to get dirty”! As I fell (literally slipped and slid in on my butt again), I heard the D.J. offer congratulations to…and he said my name…how cool is that! Dirtlicious was just like the first obstacle – mud pit, crawl under logs…except the logs were much lower, and the mud was much soupier! All the better for post-race photo shots! Rather than crawl, I simply pulled my body along with my arms. I saw the professional photos and I look like I’m dripping melted milk chocolate!

Three of my team mates were waiting just before the finish line and we held hand and crossed it together. We cheered, we gave each other high-5s, we lined up to receive our medal…and we posed for a picture (to be posted Friday), before we hit the “showers” (i.e., PVC pipes that dripped lake water and were pretty…useless), changed into clean clothes in a sweltering port-a-potty…and trekked 1 kilometer…uphill…back to the car…Big Guy forgot to bring shoes to change into, so he had the added bonus of walking back to the car in bare feet. I was stiff, sore, scratched, sun-burned and a psyched (not psycho) Survivor!

Post-script: All week I’ve been singing 2 songs by Switchfoot (Album: Vice Verses)…I also listened to them on the way to the race. I won’t post the lyrics but if you like music or you’re a wee bit curious, here are the Youtube links:

Dark Horses

Afterlife

Mud Hero (Part III)

Tags

adventure, family, fitness, humour, midlife crisis, Mud Hero

Once upon a time, I had this crazy notion that I wanted to run in the mud. Somehow I convinced a perfectly sane person to run in the mud too…and she convinced others. And together we ran Mud Hero – a 6 km, 18 obstacle race!

***

Obstacle #7 has kept me awake for nights because it involves tight spaces. I wasn’t worried about the mud-filled trench; I anticipated being covered with mud anyway. It was thinking about climbing through the tunnel that made me hyperventilate and break into a cold sweat in the middle of the night. We were supposed to crawl through a metal tube, through the mud trench with wires criss-crossing the surface (so you have to get down and get dirty), and then crawl up another metal tube. It was aptly named “Light at the End of the Tunnel”.

Yikes!!!

Although I had the option of skipping it, I was hoping that the excitement of the run would override my claustrophobia so I wouldn’t have any regrets. When the time arrived, all fear was gone…as well as the first set of tubes. I only had to cross the mud trench first, then climb up the metal tube, and Big Guy was behind me to encourage me if I got stuck or started to freak out. Of course I slipped climbing into the pit, fell on my butt, and slid right on in! It felt amazing to not only survive, but to thrive!

By this point, I was walking more than running between obstacles, and I was feeling nauseous after drinking water at the water station. The pathways were more modest ups and downs, and longer stretches on an even keel. The obstacles were also closer together. While part of our team still steamed ahead, more were hanging behind and enjoying the journey…joking around and cheering for each other at the tough obstacles.

Obstacle #8 was the Spidey Web. I had to weave between the ropes and trees, ducking and twisting, to get to the other side. I moved through it slowly, often waiting to let those who were moving faster get by me. My legs were starting to hurt and I focused just on the ropes immediately in front of me so I wouldn’t be discouraged by the amount of ground I had to cover. After another short run, I came to Obstacle #9 – the Hero Wall. There are 2 ways over this 8’ wall – either climbing over using a suspended rope, or climbing over using the wooden handholds. One way is easy; one way is hard. I didn’t even notice that there were 2 ways over, and thankfully (for once), I had chosen the easier way. There was also a ledge on the other side, so I didn’t have to jump!

Obstacle #10 was the Mystery Obstacle, but it was one of my favourites because it was the easiest (for me). It also had an easy and a hard choice…and I took the hard choice…the higher Balance Beam across a very murky looking pond. I confidently hustled across it and kept right on truckin’!

Obstacle #11 lived up to its name: Tipsy Turvy…that’s exactly how my legs felt when I was done. It required crawling or balancing across 30 feet of rope netting. In my case, it meant striking my least favourite yoga pose, downward dog…not that I do yoga because I am not bendy! I inched my way across…sideways…very slowly. While others were crawling forwards, one yahoo decided to use the wooden centre beam as a balance beam and dashed across. It wasn’t really a “legal” move but there were no referees.

Obstacle #12, the Camo Crawl required another tight space, but since I had aced the Light at the End of the Tunnel, I didn’t stop to think about it. In the pictures, the Camo Crawl involved crawling under a camouflage net, but instead it was a solid wooden structure across the dry ground. It was hard on my elbows and knees. I imagine that’s where I acquired a few scrapes and bruises (aka “war wounds”).

The Water Bridge was lucky Obstacle #13. It was basically a 2-way bridge with a spray of water on one side. The water was cold and I would have appreciated it more at the beginning of the race when I could still run…in more than in an effort to not look stupid short bursts of enthusiasm. Every person running toward me stopped to rinse their hands and sometimes faces. That should have been a big red flag…