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jennsmidlifecrisis

Category Archives: Fashion

P.A. Day

18 Friday Jan 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family, Fashion, Foolishness

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cartoon, children, family, fashion, humour


Well, here I am with a fabulous new hair cut and a great pair of sassy boots, and I’ve been housebound for 2 days. Yesterday Little Guy woke up with a headache, and since he was feeling sucky and a little warm, I kept him home. Today, the sun is shining (a little too brightly for my pounding head) and it snowed in the night, covering up all the mud (and dog poo) with which we’ve been blessed this new year! But my head is not pounding from any illness or lack of sleep…it’s pounding as a result of a P.A. Day.

Technically, P.A. Day means Professional Activity Day, but for most parents it means something else…”Perpetually Annoying Day”, Professional Aggravation Day”, or the personal favourite of many, “Pain in the Arse Day”! While the teachers are spending the day writing report cards, I am spending the day listening to two 7 year olds play Toy Story 3 in my living room…at the top of their lungs! I swear a rock concert would be quieter compared the shenanigans going on at my house. I know I shouldn’t be surprised right? They’re boys…

comfy clothes_ed

I could have gone shopping. I could have gone to work for a day. I could have done so many things…Instead, it’s a “comfortable clothing” kind of day. OK, I don’t dress this badly, but with loud boys in the house, my only options for peace are to escape to my bedroom (which needs cleaning) or escape to the basement with the stinky guinea pigs (which needs cleaning). Think I’ll post this quick and escape upstairs…the plastic army men are planning an assault in between battles with Zurg…if I crawl under the covers and have a nap while I’m up there, then I maybe I can rename this a “Perfectly Acceptable Day”. Happy Weekend!

p.s. There are 2 more P.A. Days next month…I can hardly wait. (sarcasm)

Bad Hair

17 Thursday Jan 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

fashion, hair, humour


So here’s the “before” self-portrait…before my radical hair cut yesterday. Frizzy!

Before_ed

And here’s the “after” self-portrait” about 2 hours after the hair cut…in the car at the school while waiting for Little Guy to get out…

After_ed

Ok, so not that radical but I’m probably 10 lbs lighter. There have been worse styles…

Pigtails, pony tails, the “Princess Diana” flip, and the curly “mop top” of my youth. And who can forget ringlets?!?!

ringlets

There were several years of the ’80’s permed “Big Hair”…

High School

And the various shades of red – carrot red, copper red, oxblood red (do you think I like red?)…combined with 80’s “Big Hair” (I really wish it would come back…)

Red Frizz

…and more red…

hot red

By 2005, my hair was down to my waist, but I cut it shorter when Little Guy was on the way. And then I tried blonde highlights, that turned my hair pink…which led to very blonde….

Blonde

Ugh! And we’re back to the present. I have no point. I hate my hair – regardless of the length, style or colour. Maybe I really should just shave it all off?

Some Monday Fun

14 Monday Jan 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

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Tags

fashion, humour, midlife crisis


If you were hoping for a serious post – tune in tomorrow, because today I am looking for suggestions. A year ago, I decided I needed a sassy hair-do to go with my sassy green boots and mid-life crisis…and for the last year I have procrastinated and agonized about what to do – short, long, pink? I have never known what to do with my hair – it’s brown and boring – and I’m getting desperate (or I wouldn’t be soliciting advice here, right?). If only the ’80’s BIG Hair would come back…I could totally rock that “do”!

Here’s the current style (a very unflattering shot) – any serious suggestions?? My hair appointment (yes, I took the initiative to book an appointment where I can get a haircut that costs more than $15) is Wednesday morning. Otherwise, it’ll just be a “grin-and-trim” for another year!

Christmas hairThanks!!

Engaging Absurdity

08 Tuesday Jan 2013

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

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Tags

family, fashion, humour, shopping


When Hubby proposed (back when the earth was cooling and dinosaurs no longer roamed the earth), he didn’t have a ring…He was a poor graduate student…and I didn’t care!

We picked out 2 rings together…one at a jewellery store – it cost the equivalent of 1-2 months rent. The other one was at the kind of store with one clerk behind the counter, and tables with catalogues. You give the clerk your item number and she disappears into a black hole for a long time, finally returning with the little cardboard box. After we picked out rings, Hubby took me home and returned to buy the one that he wanted to buy me. I made him get down on one knee and propose again when he gave it to me. It was 2 weeks before the wedding and my ring cost a whopping $200!

When exactly did the phrase “go big or go home” apply to an engagement ring, rather than “this is a symbol of my undying love”? Like most girls, I wouldn’t have minded if more money had been spent on my engagement ring, but reading that the average sale is between $7,000-8,000 is absurd! Why would I want to wear around a ring that cost the equivalent of a reasonable down-payment on a car? Jennifer Anniston is now sporting an 8-carat emerald cut solitaire diamond that cost as much as $500,000. Angelina Jolie’s ring is 16 carats! Do you have any idea how much that ring would interfere with playing the piano and video games? I’d irreparably scratch my Guitar Hero controllers!

For those who are still in the market and want the oversized look without the inflated price, go for the new trend of multiple diamonds. Try the Embrazo ring with 4-9 princess-cut diamonds arranged in a square to look like one diamond. Or what about the Passionate Heart ring with 2 diamonds surrounding by two rings of small diamonds. Better yet, purchase a ring with coloured stones – because they are more affordable, you can upsize the carats.

Personally, if the size of the ring or the designer tag on the wedding dress is of the utmost importance, then perhaps your priorities are in the wrong place. It’s not that I’m against “bling” – I wouldn’t mind sporting something sparkly from time to time – but I wouldn’t trade it for the ring I’m sporting now. The band is plain yellow gold with scroll-work cut into its sides. The 4 diamond chips are so small that the settings they are in sparkle more…and instead of diamonds or other precious gems, my ring has 4 garnets. Hubby scraped his pennies together to buy it for me – and that’s how I know he loves me. Most brides would find it engagingly absurd, but for me, it’s perfect!

References: Keeping Up with the Annistons by Rosemary Counter, McLean’s Magazine

Booty Blues

05 Wednesday Dec 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

fashion, humour, jeans, shopping


I have a new problem…my jeans seem to be getting bigger, especially around the waist and…ah…rear! It has even happened to my newest pair of coloured jeans. I find that even though the number on the scales hasn’t changed much, I am constantly hiking and adjusting my jeans. It’s a good problem to have, but it’s still a problem.

So I went shopping at a discount brand store while Little Guy was in karate. I don’t need jeans that bag and sag…and drag me down behind! 11 pairs – I tried on 11 pairs of jeans…from boot cut to skinny jeans…and I couldn’t find a single pair that fit well enough…behind, that I couldn’t grab less than an inch of fabric in each hand.

Shopping can be an expensive exercise in self-loathing, so I tried to find some information to equip me for the next trip, but I found conflicting reports. For example, for Flat Tush Troubles, add curves with jeans with flap pockets, heavy embellishment or embroidery. Even better, aim for jeans with slightly higher back pockets. But, for Petite Women (I’m 5′ 1½”), no pockets, or pockets without embellishment or embroidery are best! There was advice for top heavy women, bootylicious women, curvy women, tall women…you get the picture? I started out with one problem, only to discover that there was conflicting advice for managing each additional…um…problem area.

Then there was advice based, not on height or problem areas, but on shape – apples, pears, and hourglasses (apparently there’s no fruit equivalent for hour glass?), and for me, the recommendation was boot-cut…which is fine except that I read somewhere else that short people shouldn’t wear boot-cut jeans. Can you sense my frustration?

More research for baggy bum issues led me into the startling (and slightly disturbing) world of Booty boosters, butt boosters, padded panties, push-up butt bras, and derriere bands. I’m not going to elaborate at this time because I’m still digesting the rather graphic images, but to say that these devices look like torture would be an understatement. I remember my grandmother (who is now 97) talking about hating to put on her corset when she went “visiting” and as far as she was concerned, one of the best things that came out of women’s lib was getting rid of girdles. If she only knew…

References: http://www.oprah.com/style/Best-Jeans-for-Every-Body
http://www.ehow.com/about_5268425_jeans-supposed-fit.html

Fashion Hurts

25 Thursday Oct 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

fashion, humour, jeans


Have you ever tried squeezing into a pair of jeans, one size smaller, by lying on the floor and contorting your body in a series of mind-blowing yoga moves? Me neither! Especially these days…my ego can’t take the disappointment! And I’m worried about breaking a hip. As horrible as that sounds, the world’s heaviest jeans sound like an instrument of torture or a cruel injury to health, much like corsets, girdles, and stays. Their creator, Brandon Svare describes them – “It’s like wearing three pairs of jeans at once…They’re 32 oz., indigo, rope-dyed, Japanese selvedge denim…Guaranteed uncomfortable or your money back”.

You can try to purchase these jeans from Naked & Famous, for only $495 (should I point out that my wedding dress only cost $500, which seemed extravagant at the time?). The company has also produced glow-in-the-dark jeans ($200), raspberry scratch-and-sniff jeans ($150) or jeans made from a blend of cashmere and silk. The world’s heaviest jeans are so tough that they can stand up on their own. This gimmick may sound outrageous to “normal” people, but jean geeks are buying them up! Apparently, for those customers who brave the “breaking in” period, a thick, white underlying material will eventually reveal itself as the jeans fade, as a result of the rope-dyeing process. The denim is twisted into rope before being coloured, and in time it will “fade in the knees, lap crease and ankle bunches to reveal a beautiful honeycomb interior”.

While I can appreciate a great fitting pair of jeans (which are extraordinarily hard to find – I do not have Pippa Middleton’s butt), I cannot imagine purposely spending $500 on an item of clothing made with material as thick as a carpet or military tent, and that causes me (more) physical pain. Now Naked & Famous plans to treat jeans with a “thermochromic wash that will change colour depending on body temperature”. Mood jeans? Are we going to witness a bunch of middle-aged women’s hot flashes? I think I’ll stick to what I’ve got…and maybe work on my yoga moves!

References: “When it comes to fashion, denim hurts” by Martin Patriquinn, Maclean’s Magazine, April 23, 2012, http://www2.macleans.ca/2012/04/17/canadian-made-worlds-heaviest-jeans/

These boots were made for walking…

27 Thursday Sep 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

boots, fashion, girls night, humour, music


It’s finally time…time to say good-bye to the best pair of high-heeled boots I have ever owned. Actually, the only pair of high-heeled boots I have ever owned. They were so outside of my “Pollyanna” comfort zone at the time that I nicknamed them my “hooker boots”. It was one of the first times I felt (dare I say it) sexy, I felt less like a country bumpkin in the big city, I felt “invincible”. That sounds ridiculous and corny, like a huge exaggeration of the power of a pair of boots, but any ladies reading will know of what I speak! I wanted to sing “these boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do…” (are you singing it now too?). Can you believe I bought them almost 10 years ago for $40. They have travelled on city streets, rambled through shopping malls, even danced on stage that one time I tried karaoke and all the girls sang “Girls just Wanna Have Fun”. But it’s time for them to travel to the “landfill in the sky” because they are literally peeling at every seam…and I’m very sad!

I have started shopping for boots to replace them (on a shoe string budget), but it’s not the same. Styles have changed. I don’t like rounded toes and I don’t like chunky heels. Everything has buckles and straps everywhere (reminds me of the ’80s. Music from the ’80s is great but fashion, not so much!). Most of the boots I’ve seen so far have no heels. Flats to a short person is like ice-cream to a lactose-intolerant person – it’s a big NO-NO! And yes, I read my own blog, Not Heels Too! I know heels aren’t good for me, but neither is chocolate and I’m not quite ready to give either of them up!

Anyway, I let Little Guy take them for one last spin…actually they were still lying by the front door and he put them on when I wasn’t looking…and then he filled them with Lego. But it was good for one last laugh. So long, hooker boots!

And if I don’t survive today’s first training session, I won’t need boots any way…

Reference: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/onehitwonders/thesebootsaremadeforwalkinglyrics.html

Beauty

19 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Photography

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photography


The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years. –Audrey Hepburn

 

References: www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/audrey_hepburn.html

 

Mini Make-Over

29 Wednesday Aug 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Family, Fashion

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

family, fashion, humour, make-up


“I wonder if I can get lipstick to match my toenail polish”? Marinate in that comment for a moment – how do you compare your lips and your toes at the same time, without standing on your head or hopping on one foot? My Mom made this side comment, and I immediately saw the potential for a shopping trip! (That’s a problem with watching too many make-over shows!) So Mom and I headed to a local department store, trying to come up with some ingenious ways to make that kind of comparison.

I used to wear make-up every day – to work, to church…even to bed. What can I say? I’m too lazy to take time to take it off! As a teenager, my brother related putting on make-up to hunting…for “a man”! To say it properly, you have to have seen the movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?…in particular, that scene where Roger Rabbit thinks he’s found his wife, Jessica Rabbit, but he’s only found a character with her hot body…but it’s SO not her! If you don’t know what I’m referring to, try saying “a man” in a high-pitched drawl that goes up while emphasising the first part of “man”!

Since being home with Little Guy, there hasn’t been much point in make-up! I haven’t given up completely, but my “regime” doesn’t begin to be what it was…and I’m ok with that! But it’s always fun to try a few new things. Wandering through those aisles was like being a kid in a candy shop – lots of bright packaging and sparkle, containers of all shapes and sizes, and every colour imaginable! Wow! I couldn’t begin to expand on all the options available in one post – eye shadow, eye liner, blush, foundation, mascara, lipstick, lip gloss, eyebrow pencils…creams, powders, aerosols….and accessories. There were gadgets that looked liked they belonged in a horror film.

In the end, we didn’t buy much… I bought some green eye shadow and black liquid eye liner. I have been practicing applying the eye liner every morning – I want a smoky eye, not a raccoon eye. My Mom got lipstick…that matches her toe nail polish. I offered to put the lipstick on and lie on the floor so she could compare them, but she was worried we’d garner too much of the wrong kind of attention. What’s wrong with that?

I finally broke down and got my hair cut… I haven’t gone for a hair cut since Christmas and ignoring it really wasn’t a good option either. It’s not exactly worthy to be my new “midlife crisis” hairdo…but it’s a “do” that will do until I figure out what to do!

No More “Moo” Suit

13 Monday Aug 2012

Posted by jennsmidlifecrisis in Fashion, Foolishness

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

bathing suit, cry, fashion, humour, shopping


There are certain items of clothing which most women hate shopping for, regardless of age, shape, or style. Maybe it’s because the mirrors in those tiny change room leave no room to the imagination…or maybe it’s because lycra is so unforgiving…but very, very few women enjoy shopping for the dreaded bathing suit. One piece, tankini, bikini – I don’t care if you’re size 2 or size 12, there’s something about bathing suit shopping that just makes us feel vulnerable! I usually end up empty handed and heavy hearted (more like a limp dish rag, sobbing inconsolably)!

We’re taking Little Guy on for a mini vacation…to a big indoor waterpark. I don’t like to be cold, I don’t like to be wet, and I definitely don’t like to appear in public in a bathing suit. And even though I bought a new suit last year (from a catalogue), it is rated PG-13…so Saturday afternoon, after a great deal of hemming and hawing, I went shopping for a G-rated suit!

I didn’t follow my own rules for shopping. I didn’t “dress for success” which was just as well…by the time I parked and walked into the shopping centre I looked like a cross between a dumpy “soccer Mom” and a wet dog! It was raining. I did pop in a cd on the way over with loud, “rocker-chick” music to attempt to feel “empowered”. It just gave me a headache!

I started by giving myself permission to browse through my favourite clothing store before heading to where I might find dreaded suits. I browsed a long time. I finally headed into a lingerie store thinking “don’t buy a ‘moo’ suit”. I should explain! A few years ago I bought a one-piece bathing suit reminiscent of the 1950’s, in a white and black floral print. I thought I was daring to wear such a vibrant print. But in talking to Hubby right before heading out the door, I found out it had reminded him of a cow print. Why would anyone who’s self-conscious in a bathing suit wear a cow print? Then he suggested I go for “leopard”.

The sales clerk in the first store tried to be helpful. I didn’t even care about colour or pattern…just fit! The difficulty is that I am tiny around but I am “heavy” on top (that was her remark, just the type I need to here right before stripping down and strapping on lycra) so any bathing suit with postage stamp cups won’t work! I tried on several suits including a white, green and purple horizontal stripe print (yeah…that’s flattering, she says dripping sarcasm). I made a hurried exit and headed to a bathing suit store, determined not to hold tightly to my self-fulfilling prophesy that this would all end badly!

At store #2, the 12 year old sales clerk was too busy eating noodles and talking on the phone to pay any attention to me…I kind of liked that! And this store had some actual sizes, not just XL. I picked through suits held together with strings, backless numbers, strapless numbers, with a mounting sense of dread. I finally resolved to try the 3 “least objectionable and most likely to succeed” and crawled into the dark, back corner change room. The first suit was a snake skin print (it was the closest I could get to leopard) and it looked ok, although it was still PG-13. I later described it to Hubby as something I could wear in a Whitesnake video, and I could hear him shudder through the phone! The next print was a cute suit with black & white checks and lace…I could hear Hubby asking me why I bought a tablecloth…so moving on…

To make a long story short, the last suit was the best suit. It’s a strapless tankini with black bottoms and a printed top…it comes with straps so it will remain G-Rated. The top has horizontal stripes (I know, I know…) but they’re very thin and brightly coloured – orange, red, black, gold, white… no postage stamp cups…I’m happy and I’ve worked up the nerve to show Hubby. I hope I have the nerve to wear it in public now…and no, I won’t post pictures, at least not with me in it! But I can say, no more “moo” suit!

 

 

 

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