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Dear Diary – I have been so careful for the last few weeks to not disturb the spider living right next to the dryer. Normally I would have beaten his brains in immediately, but with Youngest Son hibernating in the batcave, and being a squeamish kid about bugs, I figured I’d do this spider a solid and leave him alone if he’d help keep the insect population down.

I realized on Saturday that I have been carefully avoiding a lump of fluff caught in an old spider web.

Dear Diary I have really been enjoying The Great British Sewing Bee during a free preview of the Makeful channel, and I’ve learned a new word: squiffly. It’s a combination of squiggly and squiffy. Squiffy means slightly drunk or askew. It’s more fun to say “my seam is squiffly” in a British accent than groan like a dying moose.

Did you know...the first buffalo plaid flannel shirt was created by Woolicrh Woolen Mills in 1850!

https://www.glamour.com/story/history-plaid-shirts-90s-fashion

Dear Diary – It’s been two weeks since we hung the new “squirrel-proof” bird feeder and some jerk destroyed it on the weekend. Maybe they were squiffy.

There were 6 sphincter-like openings for the birds to get at the seeds and let’s just say the expression “tear a new one” was literally what happened. One entire sphincter had been ripped out and torn to shreds, along with half a bag of sunflowers seeds. Hulls littered the back porch like bullet casings.

My first thought was Squirrel. We have 2 inseparable saucy siblings that harass the birds and cheekily scold me from the tree. But this feeder was designed so that when they started swinging from it, it would close down.

My second thought was raccoon. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen one in the neighbourhood, but I don’t doubt that they are around.

Not 2 hours after we noticed the carnage on the back porch, I noticed a gray bandit sunning himself lazily on the shed roof of the neighbours behind us. Twenty minutes later, I caught this…

Suspect #1

I cracked the back door open and yelled at it, but it just looked at me quizzically, and continued trying to figure out a way to get down. Eventually it ambled back down the fence to use a leaning tree to get to the ground…so he could belly up to the snack bar on the lower level. I last saw him back on the shed roof laughing at the neighbour who was trying, unsuccessfully, to spray him with a water gun.

Though he certainly had the brute strength and those handy little fingers, I’m not convinced he was the culprit. I think it was this guy:

Suspect #2

This isn’t Little Red, whose fur has been turning to silver the last couple of years. This is her rebellious spawn, likely born and raised right under my roof. Rather than chasing off his larger conniving cousins, he’s been in cohoots with them. His tiny fingers and light weight were no match for my expensive new feeder, and I’ve watched him twist around that pole like a limber, well-oiled dancer. Disgusting!

The remaining sphincters have also been deconstructed and so the new feeder is history. Hubby hung up the old feeder…in a new place. Centered at the highest point in the back porch roof, the birds quickly overcame their reluctance to come so close and enjoyed snacking on this sunny day. Even the cardinals. The saucy siblings also took a few acrobatic leaps but without success. Ha! And Saucy Spawn, leader of the new gang in my hood, is, no doubt, busy planning his next heist.

He knows I’m watching him.

Dear Diary – Sometimes it pays to be assertive. It’s been 7 months since we signed a contract to have our carport re-shingled and new eaves trough installed. The shingles went on within 6 weeks of signing the contract, but the eaves trough didn’t go in until almost 4 months later. There were material shortages and we had a whopper of a wind storm that caused a lot of immediate damage. The new trough went in a few weeks before Christmas.

Except that the day after it was installed, it was leaking like a screen door on a submarine…and in the exact spot where we get ice every year which had prompted the need for the new. After a few calls and emails, they sent a guy to check it. He was kind of rude about it in a “it’s your fault as the homeowner” kind of way. Yes, we had asked them to change the downspout to the backyard to ice out the ice patch, but we had no idea that the slope of the carport meant all the water would rush to the front corner and cause a waterfall. Something they should have checked? A few more calls and emails, and another guy visited. By this time, the water had turned to a solid block of ice. He was willing to fix it but it would cost us more money and we’d have to wait for Spring.

The ice patch tripled in size this winter.

With the snow long gone and plants beginning to sprout in the garden, I figured it was safe to move forward. So I sent an email. I was factual and assertive. And it worked. New eaves trough installed…at my expense.

Needless to say, this reputable roofing company cannot expect referrals from me.

Dear Diary – It seems the universe is sharing it’s wealth not only with me but also with my family. Recently, my parents experienced a flood in their basement. Again. After spending a lot of cash to fix the problem. With the soggys slowly drying up, they were hit again this weekend with the sewer backing up. Having had my own painful experience in May 2020, I could empathize. The mess this time was minimal and the problem has been fixed, but there’s still a lot of crap to clean up! As in boxes and books. So the boys and I will heading down for Easter to roll up our sleeves and snap on some gloves to help out. The only advantage, it certainly forces one to purge extra junk from your home in a hurry! It wasn’t Myrtle Beach, but I think they enjoyed the forced mini vacay in the fabulous Comfort Inn.

Dear Diary – Sometimes God removes obstacles. Sometimes he gives you the tools, then holds your hand and walks you over them. God is so good!

Dear Diary – Since Youngest Son refuses to let me take photos, it’s been a few years since I snapped a family photo. So I commissioned my very talented friend to draw one for me. I absolutely love it!!! She even included a lemon tree, a nod to my new Etsy store, Sassy Green Lemons (coming soon).

People say I’m weird, but if they met the rest of my family, they’d understand.