Dear diary – Another looong day waiting  to see if UPS lied to me about my package.  Paul had called my cell around 9 a.m. promising it would arrive. By  4 p.m., I couldn’t sit by the window any longer, so I went for a walk down the road to the bridge.

A watched pot never boils.  Apparently the UPS truck can’t come when you’re watching either.

As I crested the hill on my afternoon plod, the scene before me evolved into slow motion:  a man in brown shorts, jogging across the road to a white van idling on the side of the road…across from my folks’. My Dad stands on the front sidewalk, and my Mom, ravishing in red plaid flannel, is smiling and walking across the lawn in the direction toward the bridge.  I started to run, the music swelling – “the hills are alive…with the sound of music…”. Mom waved the white envelope over her head, the sun catching the light behind her head in a halo. I waved back, both arms in the air, while the music continued to swell.


O glorious day! My faith in humanity is restored! And I got my package!

Dear diary- I finally couldn’t stand the wisps of yellow at my temple so I touched up my hair. It took an exorbitant amount of time and a small amount of crying. Mostly because I’m still trying to unfreeze my shoulder. I managed the hair, but lately, I can’t always quite wrangle the bra. It’s a daily exercise in contortion-ism. So is shaving my armpits. Also, I missed half the yellow wisp.  I would try again, but since I can’t get my arm up high enough to brush and/or put up my hair, maybe nobody will notice.

Dear diary – I decided to give the whole “improving myself” during this season of quarantine,  another shot! My aunt passed on a book teaching drawing using the right-brain. After reading the science behind the theory, in order to have a baseline for progress, I was supposed to draw 4 things: a person, a face, a chair, and my own hand. I was to copy everything except the drawing of a person. I ended up with a hand holding a pencil without a pencil, a dangerous-looking chair, a face that is half-dad and half-David Suzuki, and Cinderella in drag.

I have such a long way to go…

Dear diary – Mom and I decided to take a chance, and “shop” at Wal-Mart. She needed vitamins and I needed to work on overcoming my ever-increasing agoraphobia. So we scraped the mud off our boots because we were going to town! I even brushed my hair and put on real pants (as opposed to leggings)!

As Mom pulled into a parking space, the woman in the car next to us shrugged her shoulders at us with her arms raised. We didn’t know her. We hadn’t cut her off. Mom immediately wondered what her problem was. There was only a short line for the garden centre, but the front of the store was barricaded. We were standing there, trying to figure out what was going on when a lady yelled over, “the garden centre is open but the store is closed”. Of course it was closed – it was a holiday!

What to do when you’re all gussied up with nowhere to go? Walk the perimeter of the plaza parking lot and laugh at the steady stream of cars circling the parking lot as they try to figure out if the store is open. Sit in the car and laugh at the other stupid people who parked their cars, wandered to the store entrance, and stared stupidly, before wandering back to their car, and leaving. Drive through town and admire people’s front lawns. And finally, amble down the walkway by the river.

By the time we got home, we were tuckered out and ready for ice cream.

Life is like an ice cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time. – Charles Shultz

Dear diary – I played a game of Monopoly with Little Guy and for the first time, I was the race car! After the first few turns, Little Guy had landed on Free Parking once and he owned most of the board, including Boardwalk, Park Place and ALL the railroads. Meanwhile, I was almost bankrupt and had gone to prison twice.

In a row.

It went downhill from there.

I hate Monopoly.