Waiting. We can do it with patience or impatience, with a sense of anticipation or dread. We have some choice in how we wait, while we rarely have any choice but to wait.
We are all familiar with waiting.
Waiting to open your birthday presents. Waiting for an important phone call. Waiting for an answer to prayer.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:30-31
When I was pregnant with Big Guy, this was the verse that kept me anchored. Just like any expectant mom, I was anxious to meet my little one. But at 16 and unmarried, there were only 9 months in which to make big decisions and I had few choices. I was waiting on God to show me what those decisions were to be. I knew I was in over my head (and too young to be as afraid as I should have been) – I knew I needed His strength.
In college, I was lonely and trying to balance my studies and time with my little man. It meant doing homework after 11 p.m. and cuddles at 6 a.m. When Big Guy needed surgery, it meant sleeping and studying for exams in a hospital ward. I can remember walking out of those exams with no memory of the questions. I was too weary. I wouldn’t have made it without lots of support from my parents and grandparents. I had to wait on God to keep me running.
By the time Little Guy came along, I was pretty faint. My whole world felt like it had collapsed around me and I was simply stumbling through the motions. All my beliefs were stripped down and my only choice was to wait on God or walk away from faith. Little Guy was just one of the many blessings
Well I’ve got nowhere else to go ’cause the only life that I know comes from You
And I can’t walk away, though the truth is that it can be so hard to wait
I am familiar with waiting.
But I can also see now that, even though it didn’t feel like I had any choice, whether I raged or quietly endured, was a choice. I can also see now that both the waiting and the response to it refined my character and reshaped how I approach each day.
So I stand on the promise ’cause I know that the promise is sure.
Sometimes I can take a step back and re-frame the situation. I can choose to laugh or cry – and I’d rather embrace the opera of the everyday with a smile. Some of those silly operas end up here. 🙂
Sometimes I am content to stand upon the promise that God is still there. Even when I can’t feel His presence or I am too busy running in any direction but to Him. When I feel helpless, I am not hopeless. I can share it all with God – the hopes and disappointments, the anxiety and anger, even those thoughts that I try to lock away even from myself because I don’t want to admit that they exist at all. God has proven His faithfulness over and over, even when I am faithless. Every waiting period throughout my short history has been to prepare me for the next place where He was leading.
Sometimes it can be so hard to wait to see just where that place will be. And I can see that I have such a long way to go before I will soar like an eagle.