At the end of September I wrote about beginnings and endings. I re-read that post and I still agree with everything I wrote. It’s just that in between a beginning and an ending there can be this painful time of waiting. It’s in the waiting that our character get refined. How long do we allow ourselves to mourn the ending? How easily we can become entangled with bitterness or regret. How long do we hold on to the hope of better things to come? How easily we let our joy and anticipation slip away.
The last week has been a tough one. Events (other than cake) stirred up a lot of history and a lot of strong feelings. I know no one ever said change was easy. It’s not easy to watch roles and responsibilities passed on to another, or to see relationships changing. I also know not all change is bad. It brings freedom and new opportunities for growth.
Still…waiting. None of us are strangers to waiting. It’s that in-between-place where we feel lost. The ground isn’t secure anymore. The direction is obscured. Doubts linger in the corners of the mind. We grow restless.
Several years ago, Big Guy introduced me to Switchfoot, an American alternative rock band. I liked the poeticism of their lyrics, and at the time the song Restless described me. Little Guy had just started school and I was waiting on God to show me the next step in my story. I was anticipating a great thing, even if that great thing meant being a stay-at-home mom. Soon after, I became the Gatekeeper in the Cubicle of Purgatory, a torch that has just been passed on, and I’m home again.
I don’t know what my “purpose” is yet. Nor have I quite reached the restless stage. I’m still mourning and resting, and seeking the Lord in this matter. I can handle waiting long-term because I want His best for me. But I didn’t mind the reminder this week to anticipate. There’s something delicious and tantalizing about anticipating, and while I wait, I can still taste and savour the present.
Every day is a gift! Happy Friday!
Restless by Switchfoot, song writer: Jon Foreman © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, The Bicycle Music Company