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It snowed again today – nothing serious, just a few wispy flakes floating silently like feathers from a pillow, when there isn’t a pillow fight raging. But it was enough to be noticed, and to cause inward groaning.

We’re ready for a change of season.

Even the die-hards that can’t wait to spend every waking hour on a mountaintop covered in fresh powder.

We’re weary. Or at least I am.

I don’t think it’s just because it’s that crusty, brown season of waiting for greenery to push through the moist earth, or the absence of frolicking squirrels. Maybe it’s my February blahs delayed a few weeks (kind of like Spring seems to be), or maybe it’s just an empty, waiting kind of season in my life. Whatever it is, I”m ready for a change of season too.

I’m ready to take off the mildew-smelling mittens and the heavy coat from around my shoulders. I mean that literally and figuratively. Over the past couple of years, I’ve felt this heavy cloak around me, an impenetrable barrier that keeps the rain away, but doesn’t quite let in the sunshine. It has a musty, Dickensian character to it.

That sounds terribly ominous, doesn’t it? It’s really not that bad, but I can’t help but wonder, when is the next season going to come? When am I going to find that sweet balance between a winter jacket and (heaven forbid), a bathing suit, between heavy winter boots that make lots of noise in the house, to bare feet that hardly shuffle?

I’m ready for it.

I haven’t had the energy to do much, to go anywhere, and quite frankly, I’m not inspired to do so. I think that’s saddest part. To desire inspiration, but not know where or how to be inspired. I’ve hardly taken my camera out, and I want to write, but the words just seem to get lost somewhere between my head and my fingers.

My mouth, however, hasn’t seem to lost it’s ability to function on its own.  Isn’t that just the way!?! 🙂

So I’m doing this. I’m just writing what I feel. I’m setting aside my expectation of producing something of quality or something humorous. Instead of forging ahead with a  ‘git ‘er done” attitude, I’m diverting from the usual Wednesday routine. Maybe by just acknowledging what’s already inside, I will find inspiration from the place that matters most – my own heart.

Do you see it? I think something green just broke through…

 

“The problem is acceptance, which is something we’re taught not to do. We’re taught to improve uncomfortable situations, to change things, alleviate unpleasant feelings. But if you accept the reality that you have been given- that you are not in a productive creative period- you free yourself to begin filling up again.”
― Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life