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Warning: Some readers may find this story both offensive and shocking, but this was just too bizarre not to share!

I am the gatekeeper in the cubicle of purgatory. Working in a church office means I am blessed to encounter a number of unique souls, but generally, I am unable to share their stories. Often, too many of my readers would know exactly who I was talking about. Yesterday was new one.

After my shock Thursday night, and Little Guy throwing up all morning, I finally arrived at work, late and short on time to get ready for Sunday. The phone rang, so naturally I answered it:

Me: “Good afternoon, _________ Church. Jenn speaking.”

Guy: “Uh…hi. I’m…ah, wondering if the priest can bless my penis. I…ah. (mumbles something)…can he do that? Is that something he’s able to do?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Guy: “I’m wondering if the priest can bless my penis.”

Me: “Um…well first, we don’t have priests.”

Guy: “well the brother, the priest…can he, is he able to do that… [continues stammering]

I let him stammer and listened hard for anyone snickering in the background, because seriously…? After a long pause, I quietly and calmly asked. “are you and your little friend having fun?”

Guy: “What? No, I’m serious. I need the pastor to bless my d&*k. Can he do that?”

Me: Well, the pastor isn’t here right now, but he’ll be back from lunch soon. Can I take your number and ask him to call you?”

Guy: “oh…ah no. I’ll call back later. Thanks.”

I texted Big Guy because, well…seriously? And he texted back. “I’m dying….I’m at a funeral and I shouldn’t be laughing this hard”. Oops!

I’ve had to deal with stupid brides, too much drama, and people who make assumptions about why I didn’t answer the phone, or general assumptions about my job.  I’ve had to deal with perverts on my cell phone and porn pop-ups on my laptop.

I do not get paid enough!

Thank goodness it’s the weekend!