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Quit!

It’s not really a word in my vocabulary. Stubborn, obstinate, driven, perfectionistic…these words are part of the very fabric of my being. I would die fighting. Quit? No way!

I imagine there are permanent dents in the boards in the far corner of my hometown arena. If there aren’t, there should be. I must have fallen hundreds of times (on my knees, on my butt, on my face) and slid into the boards with a resounding thud, especially when I was learning to do a double-flip. I worked on it for months, on and off the ice. I think I landed on my feet only once. But I didn’t quit.

Math was not my subject but I diligently practiced – from roman numerals and fractions, to parabolas and quadratic equations – all through school. I always got As. I didn’t quit.

When I was a single parent and Big Guy was in the hospital for surgery (twice), I lived and studied in the in the hospital, leaving only to go to classes and write my college exams. (Thankfully my parents and grandparents filled in when I had to be away from the hospital). I did what I had to do…and I didn’t quit!

When my body failed me after Little Guy was born and I despaired that I would ever shower without tears, I didn’t quit! When I trained for Mud Hero, fully expecting to die in the woods on race day, I didn’t quit!

When life pushes me I push harder; What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. – Skillet, Not Gonna Die

But this week I made a decision in an ongoing situation. I quit! It may be for a short time. It may be forever.

I’m giving up something I’m passionate about, something that stretches me, something that I feel I was made to do. It hurts.

My decision isn’t a knee-jerk reaction. I’ve given it a lot of thought. I’ve taken time to pray, and to listen. And all I keep hearing is “He leads me beside still waters”.(PS. 23:)  I’m not sure I know what still waters sound like anymore. It’s been awhile since I’ve been still. There are always deadlines, always preparations for the “next thing”, always voices clamoring for my attention. Sometimes the ones in my own head are the loudest of all. Everything rushes by so quickly and I’m really wondering what important moments and important people are drowned out by the roar. I’m ready to be still, to watch, to listen. I’m hoping I rediscover Someone who captured my heart a long time ago.

But in this situation, for today, maybe for a number of days, I quit!

 

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