“You look like crap,” my sweet child says to me this morning. “Why, thank you child. Don’t hold back. I appreciate your honesty,” I said in my head, sarcastically. Instead, I groaned, “I know”.
And I did know! I hefted the suitcases into the car, confident that I’ve forgotten something important which will escape my notice until we’re stuck on the highway halfway to my parents’ house tonight. I purposefully averted my eyes every time I passed the mirror in the hallway at home. When my boss walked into the office, I didn’t even look at him – just told him “Don’t ask!” He was smart…he just flashed a smile and kept walking!
I’m weary of everything – blogging, housework, work work, cooking, even eating! I feel inspired to do things, but lack the energy to actually do them. I feel inspired to write, but lack the brain capacity to form intelligent sentences. I have a mounting list of deadlines and phone calls, but I feel my heels digging in, that nagging tension between what you should do and what you want to do.
You know that feeling when you’re dusting a shelf (to remove the faces your kids have drawn) and when you look back, the shelf is covered in dust again…and you’re still holding the cloth. And you start to seriously ponder existential questions like, why does the world hate me so much? And why do I bother to clean this shelf every week? [Listen up, kidlets, no one will ever give you a gold star for having a dustless shelf!] Your questions drift to other areas of your life…
Like getting dressed for work. Sadly…
Today I’m calling my outfit lazy hipster. Instead of fighting with my hair (which I got cut recently and while I said keep it long enough for a ponytail, it is not quite long enough), I’m wearing a hat. That should be a red-flag for y’all. I look stupid in hats! Add to that smashing ensemble, jeans (that I have to hike up every 30 seconds) and a thick sweater over my favourite shirt:
It’s called the “new low”! Or may I term it “February blahs” (because “I hate my life” is too harsh and untrue, and “I’m hormonal – back off!” is also too harsh…but possibly true?).
Before you judge me too harshly, may I point out that today I was cut off by a chick in a black BMW with the same look – the droopy hat, the nerdy glasses, and the pasty white skin of a zombie – which by the way, is the song that inspired me enough to at least attempt a post for today!
You started forgetting who you really are, I’m getting kinda worried
You’ve been gone so long,
(And how) is your body sleeping?
(Where) did the human go?
…Wake up, wake up, wake up
Wake up the zombie!
– We As Human, Zombie
Just so you don’t think I’m completely brain-dead, I had a great rant idea last Friday, but when I sat down to type it up, my computer decided it couldn’t open my account.
Maybe it has the February blahs too.
So in a
desperate cry fun, upbeat gesture, I’m putting out a call for ideas – blogging ideas, midlife crisis adventure ideas – you name it! Please help wake up the zombie!