On Monday, I shared an embarrassing story in which toilet paper fixed my fashion faux pas. I just wanted to look nice for my appointment, not pimp myself out like a cougar and risk causing permanent eye damage to my 12 year old doctor. I had to think fast!
In retrospect, suddenly gagging and running from the office might have helped me save face and a cancellation bill. But I don’t think fast. Instead, I had 3 choices flash through my panicked brain: keep my coat on and risk spontaneous combustion, confess my humiliation and clutch my Harry Potter book to my chest for the next 2 hours, or assemble a makeshift toilet paper top under my shirt.
That third inspiration struck while I was seated on the white porcelain throne in a tiny, purple bathroom.
“How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you are on.”
My little story garnered a fair bit of attention, particularly from ladies who know me personally and
laughed their guts out at my expense giggled over my misadventure. Then they started demanding asking for pictures. I’m not sure if they want a) to see my new red top; b) see whether toilet paper is really a viable option should they ever be in the same situation; or, c) lack imagination and/or want to see the “horror” first hand. If they chose c), they will be disappointed. NO ONE sees my belly button, except me! (and possibly the assistant who did the intial eye tests before I realized that what I imagined I looked like far exceeded my frightening mental imaginings by a factor of 25)! Plus my oldest son reads my blog and I’ve already messed him up enough to keep a cheap therapist busy for decades!
You be the judge! Did I pull it off?
I would say, based on the fact that no one ran screaming from the office, including my 12 year old eye doctor who spent a great deal of time with his chin at my cleavage level, yes! Yes I did!
When I told my friend about my experience Monday afternoon, she couldn’t understand my mortification. “So what?” she says, “everyone has a belly button.. Besides,” she casually adds, “you have great boobs. You should show them off more often”.
“A good friend is like a bra…hard to find, supportive, comfortable, always lifts you up, makes you feel better, and is always close to your heart.”
While I appreciated her advice, I think not…that’s not the way I want to roll…
Everything is safely tucked away for the weekend and I hope you have a good one. But if you’re still in need a good laugh, feel free to enjoy this embarassing story. I will never cease to
amaze amuse you!