Social convention dictates we greet one another at the beginning of January with “Happy New Year”, and I have had to exercise a great deal of willpower to not sarcastically snap, “Is it? Is it really?”

This year, I made some resolutions, which included cutting back on caffeine, losing weight (a losing battle), training for Mud Hero (knowing full well I can back out any time), and approaching each day with a more positive attitude (i.e., replacing my sarcasm, my snarkiness and my vocal displeasure of the morons stupid people around me with sunshine and lollipop thoughts). It was a glorious 3 seconds before I burst out laughing at my own farcical attempt to delude myself. You can’t teach this old dog new tricks!

We’re 6 days in to 2017 and so far, I have:

  • driven home from my parents’ in snow and high winds
  • killed the guinea pig’s water bottle
  • nearly been killed  by a moron bad driver (apparently I still have great reflexes and there was no oncoming traffic)
  • stood in a store trying to replace a dysfunctional lava lamp (the clerk used my batteries and screw driver to test 3 more…we now own a plasma ball instead)
  • driven into the city to pick Hubby up from work because his car is dead
  • nearly froze to death at work
  • test drove a new car – the cost of which will wipe out 4 years of savings
  • been walked into at Tim Horton’s by a moron…and there was plenty of space to go around me
  • nearly broke my big toe kicking…the kick-plate

And that’s just since Wednesday…

My house is trashed, my clothes don’t fit, my bank account is empty (along with my resolve not to eat the last box of homemade cookies before starting the box of liquor-filled chocolates), my winter boots leak, it’s freezing outside…Hubby’s dead car is still in the city…and now I have this song stuck in my head!

My new year’s resolution should have been to stop kidding myself that I’ll make a lifestyle change this year. Cheers!