Meet Victor.


I’ve got the christmas turkey blues
If your butt was stuffed and roasted then you’d have then too
I’ve got the christmas turkey blues
You chase me and waste and baste me and taste me and drown me in gravy too
I’ve got the christmas turkey blues
– Turkey Christmas Blues, Arrogant Worms

I thought it was thoughtful of the packaging company to put a name to, ahem…our Christmas dinner! Victor’s young life was tragically cut short so that my family could eat Christmas Eve…and Christmas lunch, Christmas dinner…Boxing Day lunch…well, you get the picture! After the first Victor meal, I was as stuffed as this turkey. Do you know when you’ve eaten too much turkey? When you have to let the belt on your bathrobe out.

Now that the festivities are all over, it’s time to go on a diet, and I’ve read the best way is to go cold turkey. It will be hard to do – my body and my fat are becoming fast friends.

Ok enough Christmas Turkey puns – they’re just fowl.

Since I’m still experiencing a tryptophan-induced slump, and today I’m heading to my in-laws (who don’t have wi-fi, cable or a cell phone tower), indulge me by giving me a pity laugh at the small, lame collection of turkey-related leftovers quotes I’m serving up! I collected them long before I overdosed on cookies and cheese (yes, I am lactose intolerant – thank you for remembering) and those 2 sips of Australian white wine (yes, I am a cheap drunk – thank you for asking)!

Enjoy your turkey leftovers! We still are…


“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander

“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” —Erma Bombeck

“If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.” —Mitch Hedberg

“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.” —Rita Rudner

“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogers

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis