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Yes, I’m angry. My normal morning commute when school is in session, is always fraught with dangerous and inconsiderate drivers. That’s a bad combination. But somehow I forgot just how bad it can be…or I somehow tricked my brain into thinking the episodes were more spread out?

Today is the 4th day of school and I haven’t even ventured into the back parking lot yet, just the kiss ’n ride at the front.

I’m afraid.

Today, I met 3 lovely peaches in a less than 5 minute span. The first ditz (like so many others) had no clue how to use a kiss ‘n ride. She didn’t understand that you can’t just pull over where the Spirit leads you, at a cock-eyed angle and have a 10 minute discussion with your child, while the 8 cars behind you honk their horns and try to edge the car in front of them forward by playing that age-old game, “not touching you”. You know the one where you get as close to someone without actually touching them and then egg them on by repeating “I’m not touching you”? Ditz didn’t even get it when the teacher started knocking on the car window and waving like a lunatic. It must have been some conversation in that car! It would have been more fun to watch if the car behind me wasn’t playing “not touching you” and screaming obscenities. Yes, I can read your lips using my rear view mirror…

I escaped the kiss ‘n ride unscathed, only to meet the next combatant…an old battle axe in a battleship. She turned left in front of me, breezing through her stop sign. I honked and gave her my “seriously??” face, to which this seasoned veteran replied with dentures sloshing and hands waving. I’m pretty sure one of those gestures is quite rude in Italy!

I stopped in a long line of cars at a red light, when the lady in red behind me took exception. Apparently she thought I should play “not touching you” and magically make the light turn green. I was at the edge of an intersection….a large truck was waiting to turn right, a small car was blocking oncoming traffic, waiting to turn left. I could a) inch forward so I would block the intersection so no one could move, not that I could go much further (because there were still cars in front of me and a red light), or b) sit still and let some traffic through. The light turned green, the grateful truck driver flashed a smile and waved as he joined the line, and lady in red turned a deep crimson and blared her horn like a ship leaving port – long and heavy! Yes, I can read your lips using my rear view mirror and they were not words of edification. I may have given her a quick first pump minus 3 fingers…and a thumb. I’m not sure. And I’m not proud of it.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. A pick-up truck nearly turned a pedestrian into a grease spot. A cyclist decided the rules of the road didn’t apply to him. A black BMW cut off a motorcyclist. The usual suspects in this city.

I’ll admit it, Big Guy. Maybe I should get one of these…

paintball-mama

…with pink paintballs because I am, after all, a lady!

(Or lady-like…there’s a big difference.)

Happy Weekend!

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