I’ve had a few too many late nights. I crawl into bed, more than ready to sleep, but sleep  evades me. It’s not just that I have trouble going to sleep, but that I also have trouble staying asleep.

I hear every little noise, including the picture frame across the room that ticks when the freight trains roll by (sometimes those freight trains rock the bed too!) or John Denver & the Muppets blasting Track 1 (The 12 Days of Christmas) from Little Guy’s room, through my closed door…and it’s set to “repeat”!

I always sleep with the door closed so that if someone is coming to kill me in my sleep, I can hear them coming and I can fight back.

I worry about silly things like…

  • spiders laying eggs in my ears
  • what to wear to work in the morning – something that makes me look skinny, but is also comfortable, and doesn’t clash…and is clean…
  • who’s going to win the stalemate – me or my bladder

I can come up with the best retorts to snarky people and bad drivers at 3 a.m.

I can also re-live those horrible moments, like my boss stalking me in the bathroom

I never sleep in a room with a ceiling fan or in a bunk bed. I wake up kicking and screaming because I think either a) the fan is falling on me; b) someone is standing over me. Whenever I have one of these flailing episodes, no one comes to check on me. It’s disturbing…so then I spend the night having a “pity party”!

Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms!
Big fat juicy ones, Eensie weensy squeensy ones, See how they wiggle and squirm!

And then I can’t stop singing…

I struggle to find a comfortable position…

Risk of Boogeyman (2) (598x597)

…and like a rotisserie chicken, I have to keep rolling over so my joints are equally achy in the morning.  Then there are distractions, like the red light on my alarm clock, a red beacon similar to a Kenny Roger’s Roasters sign (Mr. Marbles, is that you?), or that one hair tickling the tip of my nose (I hope that’s a hair and not a spider – see worry #1)

And finally there’s the constant wrestling match over temperature control…socks on or socks off?

Fry (500x375)

In the middle of the night, I get a lot of productive worrying done. I’ve written some of my best blog posts, emails and rants. I’ve also successfully argued my “case” in whatever “Drama” in which I am currently embroiled, but I am too tired to get up & write it down.

By morning, my moment of brilliance fades like the morning mist.

Insomnia wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t lie awake worrying about it.

Photos courtesy of 23 Inside Jokes You’ll Only Get if You Can’t Sleep