Around 5:30 last night, Hubby wandered into the kitchen and asked me, “what are you doing?”
I continued stirring onions in the frying pan but eyed him suspiciously. “I’m cooking”.
“What are you cooking?”
“I’m cooking käsespätzle”
“Bless you!” he replied. And then he started praying, “Deliver us from evil…”
* * *
As the two people who read this blog know, I am not a great cook. I’m not even a fair cook. My family survives on what I feed them…they come from strong Irish stock. And every now and then I try something new.
This weekend, I tried 3 new recipes in 2 days. I blame my Bible study group. We meet every other Sunday evening and each family takes a turn providing dinner. One mother of 4 boys made a yummy Egyptian dish (that I can’t pronounce but starts with an “M”), and then suggested that we each bring an ethnic dish from our backgrounds on our nights (btw, she’s Scottish & Irish)…
* * *
My background is Scottish, Irish and German, but…several generations ago. I searched and chose 4 recipes: German chocolate cake, käsespätzle, Irish wheat bread, and Colcannon. I went grocery shopping and bought everything I needed …for 3 of those recipes. Oops.
“Life is uncertain.Eat dessert first!” – Ernestine Ulmer
I started with German chocolate cupcakes. (I would have baked black forest cupcakes with kirsch whipping cream, but knowing my track record for disaster, I didn’t want to tempt anything involving alcohol). They are divine! (and full of fat)
It went downhill from there…
Then I moved on to Irish wheat bread, which does not reqiure yeast so no time to prove. I got my upper body workout mixing the thick, gelatinous glop and tossed it in the oven. I marked it with a cross, just like the recipe said…
The bread was salty and the crust was bitter…just like a few Irishmen I know.
“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.” – William Butler Yeats
That was Saturday…and my family was still alive and well.
Sunday evening, I made käsespätzle…I mixed my dough carefully, measuring the 250g of flour with our scales (which to date had only weighed wooden toy cars). Then I measured that 250 g with 3 different measuring cups & got 3 different measurements… so maybe I wasn’t always the problem in my cooking disasters?
While the dough was rising for 20 minutes, I sauteed onion rings, and grated gruyere cheese. Yum! The recipe said to sieve the dough through a colander into a pot of boiling water, to form mini cylindrical shapes of “pasta”. Instead, my dough oozed slowly through the holes like viscous yellow snot. Once cooked, it rose to the surface of the water like white, dead & bloated mutant maggots. I choked back the bile forming in my throat and tasted one and I had a flashback to the paste I used to eat in Kindergarten. But I persevered, ditching the colander and using two spoons to drop little blobs of gummy dough into the water until I thought my back would break.
By this time, Hubby was back with pizza.
All was not lost…while it looked…unappetizing (and the onions were undercooked and crunchy – messed those up too apparently), my käsespätzle was delicious.
And I will never make it again!
My family are still alive and well; they have been delivered from evil!