I’m feeling very tired today, and a little weak in the knees. I think it was the trauma, the rending of my heart by my last born child. The emotional shock took time to set in and lingered with me long into the night. It will take me days to get over the fact that my precious little one has had another ounce of innocence chipped away.
I wasn’t ready! It came out of nowhere! Oh, there were signs that I chose to ignore. Like the weird comment he made recently when we went to kiss and accidentally touched lips instead of cheeks. He made some comment under his breath about babies…that’s how they make babies in MindCraft. I have pointed out that there is more to it than that…but I didn’t elaborate and he didn’t ask…until last night.
Right as I’m about to tuck him in for the night.
It’s not the kind of conversation that you can just postpone. What if he doesn’t ask again? Or worse! What if he asks the wrong person?
I asked him if he wanted me to tell him, because once I told him, I couldn’t “untell” him!
The questions came hard and fast. If kissing doesn’t make babies, what does? What is sex? I had to explain, with age appropriate details, with proper names, with hand gestures. I kept pausing and asking if he wanted me to stop. He didn’t. I had this same sex education conversation with Big Guy when he was older than 9, but he had asked, then decided to wait. It gave me a couple of days to organize my thoughts and take a deep breath.
I got through it all but it was more halted and awkward this time. It was just so…sudden. Was it really only 3 years ago when he announced his stuffed wolf was going to be a Mom? I asked him how he knew that and he told me “she just laid eggs and they’ll crack out in the morning”. Only a Few. Short. Years.
He giggled the whole time.
I guess in many ways, my boy is still a boy.
He’s growing up, just as his brother did before him (and still is!). It’s a great thing! It’s what is supposed to happen! I love watching him learning and exploring and I’m amazed by what a wonderful person he is already.
He thanked me as I flipped off the light switch and turned around to blow him one last kiss. That’s a sign he’s growing up too…
…and then I comforted myself with a large box of Hallowe’en chocolates under a fuzzy pink blanket, rocking gently. I think I still have some growing up to do too.