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After being poked, prodded, squished, squeezed, “felt up”, greased up, and finally drugged and stuffed into an MRI machine, I can report that I get to keep my “girls” (though they’ll have to go through a similar rigmarole again next year). They deserved some TLC, so I went for my annual bra fitting.

It seems decadent, I know, to shop in a specialty store, but I honestly cannot buy any more bras “off the rack”. They don’t make my size. My rib cage is tiny and the rest of me, is not! Which explains all the years of tears and chocolate and self-loathing,  then more chocolate, every time I went bra shopping! It’s was a vicious cycle!

I developed early – Grade 5 to be exact (head of the class as usual) – and I was tormented because of it. The girls hated me because I had curves, and the boys just thought it was fun to snap my straps. I wasted spent years standing hunched up to make myself stand out less. And like any young woman, I wanted something lacy and pretty like the other girls – not Grandma’s “over the shoulder boulder holders”! In the 1980’s such things did not exist (or the 90s when I got my Education in Lingerie)…

They exist now, and with prudent shopping, one is not required to sell your kidney on the black market to afford it. I wandered around the tiny store like a kid in a candy shop. There were lacy petite-four confections everywhere in rich jewel tones and sweet pastels. I hardly knew where to begin!

The sales lady solved that problem when she asked the frightful question – what size are you?

Bra Size Fitting Chart

A = Almost Boobs
B = Barely Boobs
C = Can’t Complain
D = Dang
DD = Double Dang
E = Enormous
F = Fake
G = Get a Reduction
H = Help! I’ve fallen and can’t get up!

***

What I wanted was creamy Chantilly lace and dainty ribbon roses, but being ever practical (and having purchased racy red last year that required too much thought first thing in the morning when I was getting dressed), I had to stick to boring basics. As for options in my size, there were only 5…ranging in price from $60-to $200! Frankly, for $200, I expect there to be a lot to it! I wrangled my way into most of them before deciding on 2 that were on sale. Both have pretty lace, and one is even pink, my favourite colour! And they are very supportive! … Happy Weekend!

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