At 5 a.m. on Friday, the moon was partially full with clouds scuttling across it. The birds were singing in stereo. I know this because I was taking out the trash while I waited for my ride. I even watched the sunrise over the water Friday morning, and day-dreamed about my bed at home.
I spent Friday and Saturday at the Christian Musicians Summit, but I felt a bit out of place. The Summit included corporate worship times, as well as sessions for lead worshipers, musicians, technicians, songwriters, and artists. I didn’t realize what a big deal it was until I looked at the website Thursday afternoon. Some of the clinicians and worship leaders are well-respected in the industry, like Matthew West, Rebecca St. James, Lincoln Brewster, and Mia Fieldes. So I went emergency shopping – I needed snacks and clothes! I wanted to look cool, but not like mutton dressed up as lamb.
From 9-5, I attended intense workshops and experienced amazing worship times.
In the evenings, I danced at the rock concerts. I was among the oldest in my immediate group, and the most active. What can I say? I just wanted to have fun! (And I was extremely tired and had been without caffeine for more than 24 hours…) I think they thought I was nuts!
For the past year or more, I have had questions that weigh heavily on my mind. Someone had asked me if I was a worship leader, and I didn’t know how to answer. I’m not sure what my role is? Where I fit in? What I’m supposed to be doing, or how I can grow? There’s no rubric or job description when you’re involved in a ministry; no road map pointing out the direction to go. The “constructive criticism” (or the omission of comment) has been wearing away my confidence. I am often my own worst enemy as I wrestle with feelings of doubt and inadequacy. But I still want to give my best to God and be obedient, wherever, and however I may be called. I have so much from this weekend to digest. But I can say that as I watched the sun set over the water coming home Saturday night, I am feeling refreshed.
jennsmidlifecrisis 
As you digest it all and mull over it AND pray – everything will become clearer and you will know that you are following the will of the Lord!
Hi Jenn! I’m not sure if this article will help, but here is the link: http://christianity.about.com/od/topicaldevotions/qt/yourlifepurpose.htm
Thanks. I’ll check it out! 😉
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