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I made a vegetarian pizza on a baguette for supper last night…with some added protein – the bacon I fried and the top layer of skin from two knuckles. While I was grating my knuckles carrots last night, I came up with a list of 10 reasons I probably shouldn’t watch reality TV cooking shows:

  1. I feel the creative urge to try new recipes…which are rarely successful. Things explode. Things end up as crime scene photos. I’ve created dishes that probably still walk the earth in the midnight hour, like The Blob. I’m sorry…
  2. It’s true – your work environment affects your productivity: “Studies show that comfortable, well-ventilated and well-lit, safe workplaces increase productivity as much as 16 percent and job satisfaction as much as 24 percent, while reducing absenteeism”. My kitchen is ugly… 1970’s tile with 1960’s cupboards, and a 1980’s countertop…
  3. I lack the space to do it right. My kitchen counter is often covered with dirty dishes, scraps of paper with scribbled blog ideas, and homeless plastic bread ties. There are also enough crumbs to make a loaf of bread, and sticky spots that are most likely strawberry jam (but I am not tasting it to find out) even though I wipe the counter down several times day!
  4. As for tools, when it comes to chopping vegetables, my choices are steak knives, a carving knife, a bread knife or a fileting knife. It’s amazing what I can do with a fileting knife.
  5. I inevitably forget something on the grocery list and only realize it when I am in the middle of preparing the recipe and I can’t possible load Little Guy in the car and zip out to get it.
  6. Having inevitably forgotten something important, I have to make a substitution. When the dish fails (which it almost always inevitable does), Hubby and I can’t definitively say whether the failure was a result of the recipe or the cook (usually it’s the cook)…
  7. It seems the best looking recipes never use ordinary ingredients that I already have in the house, therefore wreaking havoc on my grocery budget. Do I ration toilet paper for a week so I can afford to buy one expensive ingredient (…I could probably substitute)?
  8. I end up storing ingredients that I only use for a recipe that didn’t quite work out, like the bottle of Rice Wine vinegar for Kung Fu Dumplings. Waste not, want not!
  9. Frequently, my family won’t eat what I’ve made, and I hate throwing out food…so I end up eating it. Things like potato soufflé…and I don’t want to eat it either..
  10. I start to gain weight. I eat my way through the show and then I gravitate to dessert recipes first. If I’m going to waste spend time and money on a new recipe, it had better be something worth eating!

The moral of the story is: When I feel creative, I should just eat out in a nice restaurant!