Like an expectant mother nearing the end of her pregnancy, there are sometimes signs that something is about to happen – something painful and joyous. Sometimes I get a song or a line of verse stuck in head, and I start to wonder if it’s preparation in advance of an adventure or a trial. But all too often, the hours slip into days and the days into weeks – and nothing happens. I have to laugh at my own ridiculousness.
It’s been a few months now since I’ve “officially unretired” and while we’re fairly settled as a family into the every day routines, I find I am without an essential part of my day and I am missing it terribly. I used to blessed with time, sometimes a large amount of time in a week, to simple be quiet. In that time I would read my Bible, pray, meditate, study, reflect, sing, worship…it was my time to spend with God and I guarded it jealously. My friends knew not to call first thing in the morning after Little Guy was at school because that was “my time” and I needed it.
If you don’t understand what I’m trying to convey, think of it in these terms: a scholar with no books, a painter with no canvas, a writer with no pen and paper. It feels stifling and wrong. And over time, I find I am more restless and less focused. I am dry and empty, hungry and longing to be satisfied.
Maybe these songs, these lines, these verses aren’t meant for preparation, but rather a way for God to draw me near to Him in the midst of the commonness of every day. It is a way to be fed in the midst of busyness. These words and songs aren’t a call to action, but a call to my heart.
“But all who are hunting for you- oh, let them sing and be happy” Ps. 40:16a (MSG)