Today I watched my child holding her child, awe and wonder in her eyes, and yes, an intense love she’s never thought possible in her heart. She doesn’t know that I am watching her – that I have been watching her and loving her since she came into being.
My heart breaks for her – she is only 16. She thinks she is grown up, that she has all the answers. She sought Me out from beginning, when she first suspected she was pregnant. She sought forgiveness and she sought the strength to do what was right for her and the precious life she was carrying. She refused to listen to the voices of the world, sometimes voices from within her whole family. She refused to believe that her life was “over”. She understood that they only sought what was best for her, but she also knew that only I knew what was best in the end. Her child would have a life – the difficult question was whether that life would be lived with her or with a family of her own choosing. She had decided early on that her child must know Me, and I was relieved. She had strayed from My teaching, but not so far that I couldn’t help her find her way back.
We were alone together the first time she took a pregnancy test. We talked and cried and waited together, but the results were unclear. Though her heart was anxious, My presence gave her peace and she slept. She was at work at the pre-school when her boyfriend brought her the positive result of her blood test. She was very frightened and overwhelmed. She wanted Me to tell her what to do, but I needed for her to wait so that when the time came and I answered her, she would never doubt Me.
One by one she began to tell people about the baby, and the reactions varied. I winced when harsh words stung her, and I felt her shame when “righteous people” scoffed. She had sought me out and made things right with Me first. I heard the rumours and murmurings, the silent undercurrents of tension whenever she was around, and I sheltered her as much as I could without sparing her completely. A loving parent cannot erase consequences without creating more harm. Our “home” became her sanctuary, and the child continued to grow strong inside her.
We talked constantly and I knew it was the beginning of a life-long conversation. We marveled at the little life stirring within her; we talked about the future often. Sometimes she demanded that I tell her what to do; sometimes she simply asked and went away satisfied. She cried often.
I knew she was afraid and had so many questions. She was even afraid that I would take away this precious gift. I led her to a Christian counsellor at a Pregnancy Crisis Centre. They talked to her about prenatal care and babies, and they talked to her adoption. I wanted her to know that there were options for her and her child. I gave her a remarkable teacher whose own daughter had been a single Mom, so she could be an encouragement to her. I gave her an understanding family who loved and protected her unconditionally, just as I do, so she wouldn’t feel alone.
One night she was so overwhelmed that she lay prostrate on her bed and sobbed inconsolably. I couldn’t answer her yet but I was there for her. I caressed her face and cooled her brow, and I wiped away her tears. She thanked me then, and drifted to sleep, newly resolved to trust and wait that I would give her what she most desired, to know my will for her and her child.
The days grew closer to her time to deliver and pressure to decide and prepare grew, yet she didn’t waiver. She asked several times, but went on with her school work and preparations for Christmas. She identified with Mary because Mary was young and unmarried, and the world judged her without knowing the state of her heart. I gave her a wonderful Christmas gift that year – the long-awaited answer to her question. To her delight, I let her know that I trusted her to raise her child with her family’s full support.
Her son was born – weighing only 5 lbs, with plenty of red hair! He is wonderfully and fearfully made. Today I watched my child holding her child, her eyes filled with wonder and awe. She didn’t realize I was watching her, that I have been watching her since she came into being. I will watch over her until she comes home to Me, her Heavenly Father. I will watch over her child in the very same way.
I am sorry for the times when I was one of the ones who were less than supportive.
No worries, my friend. I knew you had my best interest at heart! xoxo
Another fantastic post – raw, honest, and a beautiful picture of redemption. And so true that we ALL think we’re mature and grown when we should be leaning on Him every second of the day.
Two of my best friends had a “shotgun wedding” shortly after high school and recently celebrated 20 happy years of marriage. God can redeem everything if we let Him. He’s certainly done it with me and my life, in spite of some of my choices.
Very beautifully told.
Your daughter and grand-baby are lucky to have a mom/grand-mom like you! Thank you for sharing.
Actually, Marian – that’s me, 24 years ago with my Big Guy. I’m not a grandma yet but I’m looking forward to it…in a few years! 😉
Thanks for setting me straight! The comment still stands though. You’re tough!
Oh my goodness. So beautifully written. Thank you for sharing these words. I just adore you.
Eli Pacheco said:
What an incredible story, so beautifully told, especially to someone whose daughter is now 16. This one felt like it came straight from the heart and spent little time on the fingertips.
And look how it turned out …
Thank you. It’s my story to tell (you do know I don’t have a daughter – the girl is in the story is me at 16?) 🙂 I can’t believe my baby (Big Guy that is) just turned 24…or that I posted that picture of me at 16 with all that big “90s” hair! 🙂
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