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And thus was born my list of 5 Short Exploding Food Stories: 

1. Yesterday was a productive day and I was feeling good about it. I had spent most of the morning shopping for boring useful things like milk, postage stamps, and winter boots for Little Guy. The only thing I bought for myself was a package of panty hose (now that I’m going back to work I need things like panty hose). I had spent the better part of the afternoon painting trim and the inside of one cupboard (Today – if all goes well – I’ll be starting the walls in earnest). I finished the freezer coleslaw (recipe here), supper was in the oven, and I was sitting with my feet up enjoying some other bloggers’ posts when I heard it – pop! And as my mind scrambled to figure out what might have just fallen down, making that sound, I heard it again – pop! I sighed heavily and rubbed the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. That sound was none other than potatoes bursting open and spraying their mealy white innards all over the inside of my already “desperately in need of cleaning” oven”! I gave it to Hubby…

I sighed again because I had thought, for a fleeing second as I scrubbed them, perhaps I should stick a fork in them, but that’s if I’m cooking them in the microwave. So I didn’t – and I should have…Today, if all goes well, I will be cleaning my oven…

2. The best way to boil an egg without it exploding is to place the egg in a pot of cold water first, and then heat the water. The best way to reheat an already boiled egg is not in the microwave. This story really belongs to Hubby. It was one of those rare moments at the end of a long work day – Hubby was distracted and put a hardboiled egg, minus the shell, in the microwave. We were talking in the dining room when we heard a loud bang! Long story short – the microwave was coated with congealing fragments of yellow yolk and it took a long time to clean up!

3. We have all ruined more than one shirt when ketchup or mustard erupts. When it’s been used and then left sitting on the counter with the top closed, the air inside the bottle heats up and causes a minor explosion when you open it again. At least the ketchup has never been Blastin’ Green.

4. One Halloween, I received a can of cola in my trick-or-treat bag, but Mom only allowed me to try a couple of treats before bed. So I had a small chocolate bar and half my can of cola. I put the rest of the can in the freezer (I think I thought it would preserve the bubbles better – flawed logic, I know). The next day, I pulled my can from the freezer. The can was empty…and the freezer (and all the contents of the freezer) sparkled with a lovely sticky browness that lasted for months. My mother was …not happy…

5. And finally, the brown beans. The beans didn’t actually explode, but when I dropped the can with the spoon still stuck in it, the ensuing carnage was reminiscent of an early CSI episode. I can still see it falling in slow motion. The juice from the beans splashed and ran in bronze rivulets across the floor and down the walls; it dripped off the ceiling light fixture. Brown veins stretched across the ceiling. All 4 corners of the kitchen glistened with splattered amber droplets. I mopped up as much as I could, then called Hubby in tears to see if he could help me clean the rest when he got home. This happened more than 3 years ago…apparently we missed some on the kitchen light fixture. A grim reminder of a grim, explosive day.

Apparently, if a chocolate syrup bottle is open and you set it down on the table harder than you think, it will spray too. Found that out last night so I’d better get since I need to do laundry, clean my oven, and wash my kitchen light fixture before the next food grenade.

Happy Weekend!