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Petula Clark sang “When you’re alone and life is making you lonely / You can always go downtown / When you’ve got worries, all the noise and the hurry / Seems to help, I know, downtown” That’s what my Mom and I did Friday afternoon – we went downtown. Now “downtown” in this small town doesn’t consist of much, but there were a couple of new stores that we wanted to try out, and there’s safety in numbers…

One of the stores was a bra boutique. It’s easier to forget your worries when you’re surrounded by pretty things…except if you’re a girl with ample curvatures…then it can be cause for big tears.  Most of the time, those pretty pieces cater toward smaller cup sizes, and if you have an ample rack, you’re options are limited to big beige “over the shoulder-boulder-holders” with enough elastic to bridle a horse.  Some of these devices of mass restriction include padded pillows to bolster God gave you, but I don’t want to put someone’s eye out. Forget femininity and comfort – it’s all about functionality! Department stores carry the common sizes – A to D…the higher the cup size, the larger the rib cage measurement. That means for my size (sorry – not sharing), the rib cage measurement starts 6″ too big. This helps explain the endless “years of tears” until I figured that all out!

It could have been worse – I could have been shopping for what was the height of sophistication, as advertized in the 1901 Delineator magazine!

 The original push-up bra (with before and after pics)!!

"The Air Bust Form gives grace, health and style to any lady."

“The Air Bust Form gives grace, health and style to any lady.”

Armor Side Corsets “Never Breaks Down on the Sides” 

"The latest in Parisian fashion. Only $1.00."

“The latest in Parisian fashion. Only $1.00.”

Henderson Straight Front Corset

"$1.00. Sizes 18 to 26. Available in white, black, and drab."

“$1.00. Sizes 18 to 26. Available in white, black, and drab.”

Royal Worchester & Bonton

"Finest in the World, Straight Front, Gored (if you sat down, something might just gore you")"

“Finest in the World, Straight Front, Gored (if you sat down, something might just gore you”)”

To make a long story short (in case there are still guys reading)…there were tears…of joy! I left that store with 3 new purchases. ALL of them were pretty. NONE of them were beige! Miracles do Happen!

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