My first mistake was going for a run last night. Who am I kidding? In less than a month, I’m gonna’ die during Mud Hero. My team of truly fit people will have to bury me in the woods.
The run itself was really 10 minutes of slow jogging interspersed with stretches of fast walking. It’s not that I lack the drive – I can easily spur myself on. I can ignore the smell of burning as my shorts start to smolder between my thighs from the friction. I can ignore the middle-aged farm boys in their beat-up trucks who honk as they pass by. I can ignore the unidentifiable road kill. But it’s hard to ignore the feeling that I’m breathing and my lungs are moving, but no air seems to be getting in. My throat was burning. It would have been a great time for a sip of water…but I didn’t bring any with me.
By the time I got back to the house, I was warm. Inside the house, I was really too warm…I’m in full-fledged “hot flash” mode and I want to peel my clothes off. I peeled off my shoes and socks instead. I love rings…just not sock stripes around both of my pasty white ankles. My legs were starting to feel like gelatin and my head was in the clouds. I needed a drink of water. My parents’ well water is potable but it doesn’t taste very good. We buy water to drink in large (and heavy) re-fillable plastic jugs that rest on the floor. I had to bend over to pick it up – pretty stars!
With water in my tea cup, I flopped down in the nearest chair and turned on the fan. It wasn’t plugged in, which required bending over again… When I got the fan working, the button to keep it from swinging from side to side, was broken…so I held the stand in such a way that even though the fan head was rotating, I had a fresh breeze on my face. But it wasn’t enough…
So I wandered outside. You know that scene in the movie, America’s Sweethearts, when John Cusack sees a beautiful woman (Julia Roberts) dressed in white, and she stole his heart? I did not look like that. I looked more like a zombie from Night of the Living Dead. My hair was falling out of my ponytail. The only colour on my face was my nose and cheeks, which were competing with my hot pink shirt for brilliancy. Three hours later, my face still had that “rosy glow”. I’m sure Little Guy would have approved of it as a nightlight.
The farmer next door was cutting his hay. That deterred me from jumping into the pool in my clothes. I dabbled my feet in the pool. I splashed water on my knees. I rubbed water on my face…and the heat started to recede. Sweet relief, and not a second too soon. It was time to read to Little Guy.
I resumed a tradition from when I was a kid – my Mom would read bedtime stories outside in the Summer, probably because we didn’t have air conditioning and it was cooler outside. Little Guy likes that tradition, so we curled up on the lounge chair to read together. Little Guy is like his Dad – always warm! He snuggled up closely and the heat reignited.
It wasn’t until Little Guy was in bed that I noticed the back of my shorts were wet. Either I sat in some water when I was dabbling my feet in the pool, or I wet my pants and didn’t know it. By this point, both were very real possibilities. It was time to hit the showers…and plan my funeral!