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OK, I only screamed twice. What was the big deal?

I had just dumped out the bag of guinea pig shavings into a clean container, and I was fluffing the shavings, when the shavings sprouted a million legs and started running around the cage. It was horrifying.

Hubby yelled down, “bug?” (isn’t it nice that he can read the signs?), then “what do you need?” I was thinking of answering, someone to come and kill this bug, but I yelled up “bug spray or a big shoe”. He brought both but we can’t spray near the guinea pigs and I guess he didn’t feel like carrying them upstairs in a topless, plastic bin. So I had to stare at it while he went for a dustpan to scoop it into (my hero!). As he headed up the stairs, he told me I have to stop screaming, there are bugs everywhere and I should deal with it. Seriously? It’s not always the fact that there’s a bug, but that the bug has startled me and I react before I reach the logical conclusion that I’m not in imminent danger (or am I?) The more I thought about his harmless comment, the more distressed I became. I didn’t know whether to rip his head off and spit down his throat, or sit down and cry. I thought about pointing out the 2 recent bathroom encounters when I calmly pointed out the spiders and cringed in the corner. And what about the black spider on Saturday morning – I screamed (twice) but I killed it myself.

Then my thoughts went to a mean place. I wonder how he would have reacted had I shaken the ladder he was on Sunday morning? Ladders wobble – deal with it! [Did I mention that at 9 a.m. on Sunday morning, I climbed a ladder and was standing on the carport roof…in my Sunday dress, holding another ladder for Hubby? Happy Mother’s Day. At least it hadn’t started snowing…sideways…] But I’m not the vindictive type…maybe in a few years once the hormones kick in!

! I may have joked when we were first married, that my job in life was to make his a living nightmare. But it was just a joke. I told him that I don’t sit around all day thinking up new ways to annoy him, to which he replied, “you don’t have to…you have a natural talent”. I’ll take that as a compliment!