There it was – a monstrous, creamy, 8-legged creature, poised like an assassin on the bottom edge of the next square of toilet paper. I almost didn’t see it, so efficient was its camouflage. In another 30 seconds or less, I would have been sitting on the…throne in a very vulnerable state, extending my delicately tapered fingers toward it, palm upward, reaching…Just the thought of it falling into my hand or scurrying up my arm makes my skin crawl. Hysterical screams that woke the entire neighbourhood would have followed, while I desperately clawed at my skin and clothing…
I HATE SPIDERS!!!
Fortunately I noticed it before I..ahem…disrobed…I told Hubby, who did an internal eye roll (I’m sure) and said, “So? Just grab the…oh, get out of the way”! My Hero! I moved and he plucked the square of toilet paper and dropped it and the rapidly descending would-be assassin in the toilet and flushed…
Now, our toilet has the nasty habit of not doing the best job in the flushing department…I’ve nicknamed myself the Plunger Queen…The square flushed…but the spider miraculously did not! Now I have 3 options:
a) flush again. But then I’m wasting water, and aren’t there 345 million people without access to water, and I’m wasting it on a spider?
b) I could hold it until morning. We only have 1 bathroom. I knew I couldn’t possibly hold it all night, and besides, wouldn’t I be risking the assassin’s escape?
c) Go. Go and risk contact with the assassin, possibly in private places.
What to do? I went with option c – I threw a fresh square of toilet paper over the body, and contorting in a yoga-like fashion, I kept one eye on that body (who was, by the way, still moving quite adeptly), hovered and…went! Thank goodness I only had to go #1.
The second flush disposed of the body…at least I think it did! I woke up once in the night, around 4:30 a.m. and I decided to hold it until morning. One can never be too careful!