“Dolce far niente” means “idleness” in Italian (or so google translate tells me) – the sweetness of doing nothing. Instead of a “manic Monday”, I spent a large part of it with Big Guy, not doing much of anything. And it was sweet. We watched 2 movies – one was funny and one was scary – snacking on pop and chips! So often when Big Guy visits, he is just stopping by on his way somewhere else, and while that’s ok (I’m glad he has friends and a “life”), we don’t get the longer periods of time when it’s just the two of us. Sometimes I miss just hanging out…the sweetness of doing nothing! After all, for the first few years of his life, it felt like it was the “two of us against the world”. I was a single Mom with a lot of family support, but I still felt the responsibility.
Anyway, it was sweet but the time passed too quickly. Big Guy headed back to his apartment and I headed to the school…where I had a good cry. Can’t be helped! There’s another great expression – “Home is where your heart is” but I find these days, my heart is in many homes. It’s in my parents’ home, missing some of those happy times and knowing that everything is changing, and I’m not there to be a support in return. It is in my home, loving and supporting Hubby and Little Guy. And a part of it has moved out to another city. Elizabeth Stone said, “Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body”. It may be part of the stage I’m at, part of midlife, but it can still hurt sometimes.
Anyway, my goal today is to not be idle! I appreciated the rest and the laughter, but my house won’t clean itself. I have class material to prepare, music to plan, and life to be lived. And with any luck, I will be free to enjoy some dolce far niente this evening.